Childhood Can You Really Heal From Childhood Abuses?

[Notsowild]

Thanks @anthony and @RussH... I understand what you're getting at BUT you're male. You have never been sexually abused by your father since age 5. It's not just just emotional it's downright physical pain you endure for years. It's dissociating for years to mask the pain and horror of it. It will take a lifetime of therapy to get over that. I'll be dead before I finish.

 

[The Albatross]

Perhaps it is more beneficial to look for improvements than aim at healing if you believe it will take a lifetime of therapy and that you'll be dead before you finish.

I wasn't sexually abused physically, my father kept it verbal but was violent, very to me and my mother. If it takes years that's still better than no gains at all, I decided.

 

[Hashi]

I understand what you're getting at BUT you're male. You have never been sexually abused by your father since age 5.

I'm not sure what being male has to do with it?

I was traumatised from birth onwards, including prolonged sexual abuse. Pain, fear, horror, betrayal, all of it. My development was seriously affected.

It's dissociating for years to mask the pain and horror of it.

Yes. That doesn't mean we can't recover.

It will take a lifetime of therapy to get over that. I'll be dead before I finish.

the childhood stuff will always stay with me.

This is very specific. How do you know this? How could you know?

if I would have gotten better help years ago... I have just gotten a great psychiatrist and psychologist.

You could say, I didn't recover before because I didn't have good enough help. Now I do. So now I can recover.

I'm not clear how long you've been having effective therapy. Maybe you haven't given it enough time. I'm also wondering what your expectations of the therapy process are. Are you prepared for feeling worse as you go through therapy and have to face things that you previously dissociated from/numbed? Or does feeling worse make you see it as a hopeless sign rather than a necessary stage?

Memories will never disappear... but nightmares, anxiety and other symptoms as a result of childhood abuse, absolutely can be healed and limited to near nothing in comparison to full symptom severity.

This is true for me, and I'm not dead yet. I still have to work on how I feel about life, and I am, but not on PTSD symptoms with regard to childhood or adult trauma. That's after about four years of therapy,but I'm sure the length of time is different for everyone - my point is that it hasn't been a lifetime.

I don't believe that any particular type of trauma, or the age at which it occurred, or time it happened for, means we can't recover. Some of the effects and some of the work on recovery may take different forms, that's all.

 

[anthony]

It will take a lifetime of therapy to get over that. I'll be dead before I finish.

I'm going to assume that you're just having a pity party moment right now? Which is fine if so... we all go through those.

But if not... then I think you're wrong, you're mindset is far from healing and that makes you right, in that nothing for you will change until you make it change, so you could be dead before you're finished if you never really give 100% of yourself to the process.

You have no idea how many people have said these same words to me... yet low and behold when they stopped the pity party, they're now no longer here and have gotten themselves back into life. It is all choice... and you get to make the choices for you.

 

[Notsowild]

@Hashi... I should have said a male who has never been sexually abused. Is that better? I don't think they can understand what a child goes through who is sexually, physically and emotionally abused their whole childhood. But I really do appreciate their comments.

I've been in therapy a long time. I've been to SA groups, counsellors and psychiatrists. I don't find they did any good. Maybe the type of therapy? I don't know.

Since my latest trauma I have an excellent psychiatrist and trauma therapist. I wished I would have found them years ago.

 

[Notsowild]

@anthony
I'm going to assume that you're just having a pity party moment right now? Which is fine if so... we all go through those.

I'm having an angry, suicidal pity party. Just too much at times. But as I said to Hashi I really do appreciate all your words of wisdom. I never meant any disrespect.

 

[anthony]

Yer... I hated those times when PTSD was really kicking my arse. You can do it though @Notsowild, you really can heal your trauma and manage PTSD. Nobody is immune from this. It just takes a shit load of hard work, and I would say a lot of pain during the process. There just isn't any easy way to heal trauma... symptoms will spike, suicidal ideation often heightens, but if you stay focused with grounding and CBT style skills, you will come out the other side, having good days, and progressing to more good days than bad... and it just keeps climbing as you get better at learning how to control PTSD... within reason of PTSD being controlled.

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks @anthony
So then I have to deal with my child abuse in order to fully heal?

 

[anthony]

You have to deal with everything and anything that creates symptoms and distress for you in your present. If aspects of your past do this, then you have to deal with those aspects. If new aspects then popup, you have to then go deal with those... until your present is no longer so haunted by your past, thus screwing you over.

 

[shell]

Pity party, yes that helps. That's what I've been doing after coming out of denial about the way I relate to others from a place of fear, I had been telling myself this is hopeless, I can't let go of fear even though I am frustrated at myself for clinging to it. I can see why I do it, and why it was there in the first place. I guess sometimes we will take a step back, to take a step forward.

 

[Nighthawk]

I think I am doing well. I cant say I dont have my moments. It is a hard and long process one that is as unique to each person. I have had to do multiple therapys. I think a big part of healing is accepting the limitations. Management is key. I have had to accept things as they are. Unfortunatly I dont have a magic wand and I cant take my childhood abuse and trauma and eradicate it from my life. It is a big part of me. As long as I no longer allow it to control me that is success all on its own.

I can say I am still a work in progress but so much better than I was.

 

[Notsowild]

I knew my CSA was affecting my life. But I didn't know how badly it was till my latest trauma. I was so triggered talking about it to my T. He says the car accident brought out my past abuse too. I thought I could just deal with my current trauma but alas that ugly child abuse kept getting in the way. No easy way out. Must deal with it too. Just need more coping/ grounding skills from my T. Then the real party begins lol.