Can You Talk About Your Trauma?

[Privateer]

Heh, my problem is that I can't shut up about it. That's why I'm here.

 

[loulou37]

Hi, I totally understand the not being able to talk about it issue. I have kept my trauma a secret for 22 years but have recently seen a therapist for PTSD, following a event that triggered me. I disclosed to my friend who was with me when I was triggered, just the very basics. This was extremely hard to do and took me over 2 hours to get one sentence out! He has been so supportive and I really want to talk about it more. I have never felt like opening up to anyone before, so this was quite a strange feeling. But I just can't do it. I can't find the words, I freeze, I am almost physically sick. I know he doesn't judge me or blame me for what happened, but I can't actually get the words out. It's like I have been silenced by fear. It's like the teenage girl inside me, whom I promised I would never tell, is stopping the adult me from speaking out. I too feel the build up inside, like I'm going to burst, but I get so annoyed with myself after hours of working up to talking, when it comes to the crunch I just chicken out. I have written parts of it down and he has read and commented but I just can't physically say it outloud.

 

[deleted]

Nope!

I live in denial despite the overwhelming amount of evidence (memories, panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks, physical evidence "down there" etc.) that say otherwise. I keep trying to convince myself it was a bad dream or that I made it all up. If only.

 

[jacx]

I can talk about the accident and the physical abuse.
I don't talk about the rape. Thinking about discussing it with my T this week.
I don't think that I've mentioned it on the forum before today either.

 

[Sandstone]

I can list the 5 traumas, but can't really talk about them.

 

[RussH]

I can if I keep it in very general terms, but if I try to get specific, then it tends to trigger me.

 

[Sideways]

@RussH
I hear ya! I can talk about the less disturbing parts of my trauma to one of my therapists...sometimes!

Unfortunately, the minute we hit any detail, I end up dissociating. There's a tonne of evidence saying that recalling trauma while you dissociated is counter-productive and often just retraumatising.

I feel jipped. I want to be allowed to talk about it. I want to practice saying those words out loud and discovering that they're just words and they can't hurt me anymore. But so far, I haven't been able to do that. We try, we start the conversation, and Bam! I'm a 12 year old, and its grounding exercises again instead of me making progress.:banghead:

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Sometimes, if I'm dissociated enough to be out of touch with emotions, but not too dissociated as to lose touch with reality, I can list them. But when I'm pressed for details? Automatic disconnect, curtain drawing to black, world disappearing from my grasp.

 

[Sideways]

@theshadowoftheliving
When you say you can 'list' them, do you mean as a handwritten list, or a mental list that you can run through out loud?

If anyone knows whether that theory about dissociating during trauma recall being damaging has been debunked yet I'd love to know.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Ragdoll Circus On paper, or even verbally, to a potential therapist.

But it kinda depends on the day and the amount of disaociation. On a good day, I can say them in clinical terms. On a bad day, even the question being asked spirals me into complete disconnect.

 

[Sideways]

I'm not Buddhist, but every now & again I just end up thinking - what the hell is up with humans that we do things to each other that are too painful to even talk about??? Time for some deep breathing, and a cigarette...not necessarily in that order

 

[hotrod351]

i dont talk about it to anyone. im seeing a Dr on the 3rd of next month, ill tell him.