Cancer

[nerdyhippie]

That one word can turn a whole room quiet. The silence that lingers around the fowl taste it leaves in the air is almost as unbearable as the word itself. Everyone knows someone that at the very least knows another who once sat in the cold doctors office with beige walls and little flower wallpaper while being told their body had become a vessel for the unspeakable condition named cancer.

You never think it will be you. After all the obstacles that have been overcome in life, now it is necessary to make the choice to lie on that hard, flat, sterile table as the body is mutilated much further beyond anything that the owner could do. This will be done by a doctor that a blind trust is placed in that uttered the word that is kept so hush hush because there is hope to come out on the other side.

For what reason? To continue to force a belief that life is worth living? That the show must go on. When no one is left in the audience is there a reason to continue the production? But the theater of life is dark and perhaps there is a patron or two left without one knowing. But they can only watch so much sorrow and despair before they themselves move onto another play of life to excite them. For tragedies befall the same person again and again without fail. Almost as if to test the individual, pushing them to the limits of humanity while someone of something watches eagerly from a distance.

 

[anni]

I'm so sorry. It IS hard to know what to say, except that I hope you do know the distance you felt in the medical offices is indeed one of necessity for them-awful word. I'm sure the PTSD is making the processing of this even worse, if possible, although how one processes the cancer word well in the first moments is beyond me.

I do not wish to be unreasonably pat and intrusive-this is so personal and do not know the details. It's not the final word it used to be-nothing to not be sober about still, I know but not as final as even 10 years ago with all the progress in science and technology. It is defintiely hard to know what to say, not because the cancer word is so awful but because this sort of struggle is SO personal it's hard to intrude, you know? Thinking of you.

Anni

 

[Nighthawk]

The word you use above is familiar to me and rocks ones world upside down and inside out.

Nighthawlk

 

[seedling]

Yes, very familiar to many many people. Just not talked about.

My father died of cancer and so did his mother. I seem to have his genetics so in some way I expect to face this one day myself.

But the body is also made to heal, to keep on trying to overcome these obstacles that seem so overwhelming. How is this possible, I don't hardly know at times.

If I could be there with you to hold your hand on that table, I would be.

 

[Nighthawk]

There is so much information one needs to process in a short amount of time. If there is anything I can do to help you walk through this maze please send me a note. I can only try to send any extra energy your way. I hope that you are not in the hurry up and wait mode and there is a plan in place.

My thoughts are with you.

Nighthawlk

 

[nerdyhippie]

I am unfortunately in the hurry up and wait phase. I am still waiting on my surgery date. Thanks for the good energy. It is appreciated greatly.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear nerdyhippie,

I can't say I know how you feel, but we've had 9 cases of cancer in my immediate family so my perspective on it is probably not entirely uninformed.
I can say this however: there can be the most positive outcomes after such a terrifying experience.

I once heard it said: "Cancer gives you the opportunity of letting other people love you, if you let them." I hope you have many people to do so, not the least of which you can know are the people here who are and will be pulling for you.

Much positive thoughts, energy and concern-
Meg

P.S- I like your name :)

 

[anni]

I smiled when I read Junebug's comment because I like you name also-it's a lighter note in the heavy content, isn't it? My daughter calls herself a nerd because she is a math-head. If nerds have brains then you're in good company. :)

You have had sooo many answers from those who know. I'm sorry so many are reeling with this huge word. Only those who have been there can recognize what the heck it's like, and those who had to watch loved ones. Cancer is a terrible word-maybe it can be less loaded by using it MORE and making it less isolating, you know? If it's not too much of an energy drain, keep posting maybe? It might be helpful to just write it out sometimes.

Nighthawk, there's a lot in your short replies. I'm sorry. It's not cool for people who do not have cancer to throw around too much hope, but I see others like me have close experience with family who came through cancer treatments. My sister survived cervical cancer. She was SO young-treatments then not what they are now, even. It's a long story but she did beat it pretty much against 'odds'.It just isn't the word it used to be across the board, that's all-horrible as it is.

Oh, and do please forgive this bit of possibly unwanted input but whew-it's maybe a good idea to stay off the Google searches! Oh good grief- yes, good to be informed so if one does need info maybe stick to the Mayo Clinic sites, etc, the professional, non profit ones with just good, cited facts.For the rest-they tend to pop up with all the doom-gloom-shock-horror scenarios on the first search page! When my daughter was diagnosed with Crohn's as an infant of course it's the first thing i did, like a ninny. Was a MESS reading all the implications, vastly overblown by hysteria one finds on the 'net. There's a PTSD booby-trap, I can tell you! Anyway, would have to imagine the cancer sites would be the same way, with too much misinformation out there and people who DON'T know posting a great deal of terrifying nonsense under the guise of 'professionals'. Even the so-called professional sites, be careful, since their names get mis-used by plain old charletons with agendas. Sorry if that input isn't helpful-I just found this personally to be helpful. In point of fact my daughter's gastro finally forbade me further 'Googling', poor man.

Do take care,

Anni

 

[Nighthawk]

You are so right there are actually more positive outcomes then negative ones. Researching on the internet can be extremely harmful and get your mind wondering to places it should not go. Trying to consume all the information one is given is hard enough and were one's mind goes on its own with the big C is bad enough. The waiting is one of the hardest things. You want this thing out of you and it is hard to grasp why it takes them so long to start. I hope they give you a date soon.


Nighthawlk

 

[seedling]

I've read a really good book called "Love, Medicine, and Miracles" by Bernie Siegel. He was (is?) a cancer surgeon that actually talked to his patients about how they felt about their treatment. He used art therapy etc.. to help his patients. It has some really inspiring stories in it and opens up how a good doctor/patient/treatment relationship can be.

I just read it again last year and got a lot out of it again. Think it was printed in the 80's.

 

[anni]

I have that book! It's lovely- I think you can probably still get it via Amazon used used books or ebay-the old, good ones knock around for a long time.

Yes, the thing Nighthawk said is true- the time thing seems to be just-plain-unfair. WHY the wait, with so much on the line, and a human at the other end in so much pain and uncertainty? There has to be a better way.

Our Cancer Walk last year was enlightening. I do it for my sister-who is alive, very much so! The names on the bags-well I know so many people in this small area, and I had no idea so many of the names I saw had had cancer. It's because they did not any more,and have normal lives now like my sister-there were many bags like that, with those little lights in them, commemorating people who had had cancer. Anyway- the outcomes must be better and better across the board, you know?