Cannot Find A Therapist, Losing Faith In Therapy Altogether

[Whirlwind]

His name was Jason, and after accomplishing the largest achievement of my life (I became a homeowner) he died very suddenly of a brain aneurism. He never even got to see my house

wow, I am very happy you met him and very sorry for your loss. I had to smile at your description of him, weird but wonderful :)

I don't have much experience or advice re therapists, it is hard, I have one I like and I really don't know what the point of it is and I don't have insurance either, its painfully expensive.

One thing I have done is to continue to work on things when I can't see him, between this site and some others, I've learned a ton and I've gotten some good therapy books from the library. I think I benefited some early on with therapy and maybe I still will but I can say with certainty, I've learned the most on my own.

For what it is worth just some thoughts on an alternative way to start some self help while you are looking for some pro help.

Best, Whirlwind

 

[shandemonium]

Really? Wow. It has a rep as one of the most tolerant, laid back, let's-all-love-one-another areas of the country. I guess things have changed with the Google set and entitled, tech industry brats moving in, huh? Have you lived in other parts of CA?

LOL I know! and for the life of me I can't figure out why people think that. I mean, we are good for weed and gays, but laid back?!! Nope. Not the techies fault either although they don't help lol. The Bay is the only part of CA i have lived in, but I lived in other states too.

THe BART track to homeownership was a big deal and that was really Jason coaching me for a solid year. I worked at GLIDE (a place that serves the homeless) and was literally brushing my teeth at work and getting all my meals there while saving every paycheck. My job helped since there were homeless people all around me no one noticed my behavior lol.

Also, just as an FYI to other low income folks, I used the FHA program to buy my house. 3% down payment and the right timing in the housing market was how I did it on low income and living in a trailer

 

[shandemonium]

Also, I want to say that I'm picking up some paranoia, trust issues, and mild teeth-gnashing from your post - not that all of that isn't totally normal for PTSD sufferers. Try to remember that therapists are doing a job to survive just like everyone else, they have huge loans to pay off, and just give them the benefit of the doubt.

You are right and I'll be the first to admit that I am hella paranoid and angry. Teeth gnashing makes me think of the bible and I will have to google that one lol, but I'm probably guilty of it too!

It's funny I was just talking to my "body-trauma-worker-guy" about the Bay and he said, "well if we weren't all hanging on here by a string people would be much nicer". He's more advanced in his healing than me lol, but I absolutely agree with him on that! it's survival of the fittest and that makes us all a little crazy. Add that stress to PTSD and you got crazy ol' me

 

[Dana1010]

"well if we weren't all hanging on here by a string people would be much nicer"

Interesting. Is it like that in Marin, Sonoma, wine country? You're ruining my fantasy of CA here :arghh;.

 

[shandemonium]

You're ruining my fantasy of CA here :arghh;.

LOL I don't mean to ruin any fantasies! I live in the 'hood' so to speak and worked in the tenderloin in San Francisco for years (as Dave Chapelle said "nothing tender about it").. so my lens is mostly on the violence and poverty. Not surprising since that was my teen years and childhood here too.

If I'm being honest here, it's all my inner shit I need to deal with. Any place can be terrible or great depending on your perspective.
But in all fairness to me, living near gun shots and crackheads and sad scenes, crime tape and crazy stuff isn't the best place to calm my nerves and ptsd. it's hard to tell whether it's all me and moving is the answer, and/or also always hearing people say "oh, you live over there?"

That pic of my profile is an old 72 van I'm fixing up and converting into stealth camper so I can get out of here in small doses while I figure out a bigger plan.

Don't give up on CA yet! I promise I won't either