Unless you are experiencing hallucinations elsewhere in your life, you are likely not hallucinating the cat.
And even if you are, you are still not likely to be crazy. Just stressed out and in serious needs of skills and support on how to handle your anxiety.
My cat, oh my goodness, she has a knack for sneaking in and out of all kinds of spaces - ones that humans can not get into. I have robust security at my place, and she has managed to sneak past even the system the professional security experts set up. Cats are sneaky little critters that can fit in places no humans can. One time I could not find her, FOR THREE DAYS. My friend, my mother, and I turned my place inside out. We turned over the couch. Upside down. We emptied the cabinets. We dumped out everything and checked every door and thought surely she had snuck out.
It turned out she was hiding behind the fridge...
Just because a cat sneaks in doesn't mean your place is not reasonably secure and safe.
It makes a lot of sense though that you were clearly really triggered and spooked. I probably would be too. But, I wouldn't toss away all hope of your new place being safe just yet.
As for therapy, instead of pressuring yourself so much to talk about trauma in coherent sentences, I would suggest focusing on building up that relationship with the therapist where you can talk about mundane subjects and make eye contact. Or maybe even talk to her about the security concern, and how badly you were triggered, and stay present with her in the room as possible. ****This is part of recovering from PTSD.****
You need skills and trust in place to handle being triggered before you open up talking about trauma or it's only going to further destabilize you, something you are concerned about.
If you can't take the pressure off yourself about needing to talk about the rape, or you generally really do need to tell her about it, what about writing it down, in a few short words? Even put on a piece of paper "I was r*ped and I'm terrified to talk about it." (I say to keep it short as to try to avoid overthinking it, for your sake, so that you don't trigger yourself even more. Not because your therapist needs it to be simple.)
I actually put down exactly that on a piece of paper in a therapy session. In the middle of the session, I was so frustrated with not being able to tell her what happened, I pulled out pen and paper) and handed it to my therapist....
I dissociated. It was too soon. My therapist spent the rest of the session helping me ground, and reassuring me. It did help, but I'm not sure I would recommend pushing yourself so far. You seem determined and quite focused on getting the words out, despite really good advice that it's likely way too soon to tell her.
If you really do need to tell her, please know that it doesn't even have to be "coherent." Therapists are trained in helping put together all the pieces and trauma is inherently stored in our brains in a non-verbal way. It makes sense it's hard to put into words that make sense. It's also likely that you make a lot more sense than you think. I tend to think that about 50% of what I say in therapy makes no sense at all, and I often ask, "does this make sense?" 99% of the time, my therapist reflects back to me a really good understanding. Its not because I'm eloquent in therapy. It's because she understands trauma.
It seems like you have a therapist that at least understand something about how to handle trauma victims, and that their sense of being heard is really important. I can tell that you really want to be able to tell her and face this.
Avoiding eye contact in therapy is ok. Many many clients stare at their therapist's shoes. My therapist says she tried to have an interesting rug and shoes because so many trauma victims stare at it, rather than her. She told me this to trey and reassure me it was ok to struggle to make eye contact - she expects it. Your therapist is likely not hurt at all by your struggle to make eye contact. It's really really common for people to struggle with eye contact in therapy, even when not talking about the worst things that have happened to us. Therapy is a very intimate space. It's ok to look away if it helps you get through. You will be able to increase eye contact over time.
Take it slow. Ground. And then do more grounding. One of my favorite ways to ground when in a state of panic is to hold ice. I know, it sounds strange, but it gently shocks the body out of the panic.
I hope things are getting a little easier for you this day/night. :hug:
