Can't Handle Car Rides.

[Nilrath]

I can handle driving just fine. Something about me being in control of where I'm going, what I'm going to see, and when I can go back home makes me feel like I can control my anxiety. But when I'm in the passenger seat of a car, I feel like a caged animal.

Today was kinda cool, I went to see a magic show at a casino (I was basically forced to, I would never do this under any normal circumstance), and yes, the experience was cool; I got to meet Criss Angel, and while the actual show was happening, I felt pretty level in terms of my anxiety.

I couldn't stand the lines to get tickets or to get in, because people stand FAR too close. It makes me sweat, and I feel my neck tensing up and my eyes start darting everywhere. The same thing happens when I'm in a restaurant, and I end up with a seat that makes me feel exposed to everyone in there.

But yeah, I kinda internally start freaking out when someone else is driving. It leads to anxiety, irritability, and I start twitching. This could be due to a car accident I was in 3 years ago that totaled my car at the time. I try not to say anything, because I don't want to offend the person driving, but I had to sit in a car for almost 3 hours with someone else driving, and I felt like a dog who had been left at the kennel for slightly too long.

 

[sedna]

I think thats actually really normal for people that have anxiety issues or trauma from things they weren't in control of.

I see that all the time in other people as well as myself, I cant stand being a passenger, the backseat feels like a carnival ride that goes on too long.

In a crowd like Vegas or anywhere unfamiliar that a Criss Angel event would be, then you're also going to be on hyper alert . Just because its sensory overload.

Unfamiliar place, crowds, lights noises. I think its totally understandable.

 

[Nilrath]

I think thats actually really normal for people that have anxiety issues or trauma from things they weren't in control of.

Thanks for the reply!! I'm still new to the world of anxiety, so any time something like this happens, I get a little bit depressed. It makes me think of the things that I used to be able to do, and it ends up being a bit of a spiral. It's just a bit difficult trying to explain my feelings to those around me in my life, because I don't want them to think that they're causing me distress, or that they need to walk on eggshells around me. Yes, I'm at least 10x more sensitive than I used to be, but I don't want people to treat me like the boy in the bubble. Idk if that makes sense lol.

 

[sedna]

Thanks for the reply!! I'm still new to the world of anxiety, so any time something like this happens,...

There's punk music in Connecticut? Now there's something I hadn't thought of.

Feeling like you're afraid to bother your friends and also feeling like people are just telling you to get over it are things you're going to encounter a lot.

Just be as honest and upfront as you can in the beginning, and after that its your job to worry about making you comfortable, not them.

If they laugh at you but listen to everything you say, then they're good friends.

 

[Eagle3]

My brother loves to play with my panic response when I'm a passenger in his car. He purposely won't start braking until the last possible second. He just loves to watch me twitch. I've been in several car accidents (none really major), and he knows i have issues with being able to judge distances and being in control. WE both laugh about it, because I'll admit its funny to see me start climbing my seat when he goofs off while driving. I just have to remember to stay well-medicated before going anywhere with him. My dad is ok, my mom drives me crazy too, because she has the same spatial issues I do, and I don't think she processes things fast enough to be a safe driver...

 

[Nilrath]

There's punk music in Connecticut? Now there's something I hadn't thought of.

Feeling like you're afraid to bother your friends and also feeling like people are just telling you to get over it are things you're going to encounter a lot.

I wish we had a more thriving punk scene! Our local bands are mostly indie bands. They're good, but punk is just so much fun to me.

Those feelings are ones that I experience quite frequently, actually. I'll always apologize to friends in the middle of a sentence for talking about myself. Guilt is something that I have always struggled with; even pre-PTSD.

Thankfully, I have good friends. My girl-friends have been more understanding and compassionate, but I only have about two of them, and maybe 4 other friends that I will talk to every now and then. I used to be such a social butterfly, so going from many, many friends to this has been quite a shock to my system, from my perspective.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Nilrath, did you suffer from childhood trauma?

I'm the same. I can't be in a back seat, at all, and I've learned that I have to plsy on my phone or tablet when I'm a passenger so that I can't see what's going on around me.

 

[Nilrath]

I'm the same. I can't be in a back seat, at all, and I've learned that I have to plsy on my phone or tablet when I'm a passenger so that I can't see what's going on around me.

I actually just found that out about myself two days ago. I found that if I didn't look at the road, I was perfectly fine. My (abusive) mom was a very reckless driver, and I did feel like I was going to die many times when she was driving. She would text, drive over 100+ mph when she got upset by something/me, and smoke in the car. Now that I think back on it, it REALLY wasn't all that fun lol.

I didn't really think about that too much until you just mentioned it. There was a point where my mom slammed on the brakes 2 days ago, and I literally blacked out. Thank you so much, gonna share this with my T.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

My husband is an inattentive driver. Scares the shit out of me. I realized recently that it triggers my need for safety. But, my inability to put my life in someone else's hands goes back to childhood trauma.

I don't know what caused your PTSD (cough... cough... Trauma Diary...cough...). You sound like someone with c ptsd and just mentioned that your mother was abusive, yet you spoke well about your parents in another thread...

 

[Nilrath]

I don't know what caused your PTSD (cough... cough... Trauma Diary...cough...). You sound like someone with c ptsd and just mentioned that your mother was abusive, yet you spoke well about your parents in another thread...

I'll have to start a trauma diary soon. To be honest, I don't know 100% what caused my PTSD. I know what some of the events are that contributed to it, but not the full picture quite yet.

I have a lot of respect for my parents as human beings, but not as parents. My mother is a very angry woman, and tended to take a lot of her anger and frustration from work out on me through emotional abuse, mental abuse, and gaslighting in general. My dad lives a few towns over, and I don't really see him too often. I don't really fit in with his culture, and he doesn't seem to respect mine. He's also extremely emotionally distant, and rather insensitive (unlike me). That being said, they're both incredibly hard workers, and I appreciate what they have "done for me", but unfortunately the way my mother treated me growing up, along with feeling more and more distant from my father, leads me to feel that sometimes I don't have parents. Now that I'm older, I know how to interact with them in a way that doesn't result in emotional trauma, though.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Nilrath. I was just teasing you about the trauma diary. At some point, you may want to start one, but don't worry about it. :)

So, cptsd. That, I can relate to very well. I'm glad you've learned to deal with your parents in a less traumatic way. I never managed that.

Did you feel unsafe in your home as a child?

 

[Nilrath]

Did you feel unsafe in your home as a child?

Funny you should mention that actually. When I was younger, I was afraid to fall asleep in my dad's house, because I thought he was going to kill me. I have no idea why, but it was always something i couldn't shake. Currently, I don't feel safe in my house here with my mom though. She's made some threats about killing me before.