Someone please please help me to articulate what is happening to me in therapy I cannot open up totally to my therapist one week I open up and other week I shut down again I really don't understand. I know I've got lots of issues going on stuff that I'm really scared to talk about and T said I wonder off in therapy as soon as I get to a point where l can be open. l pulled back and I go back into my head again. I am really struggling she is really concerned and l dont know if I'm making progress I don't feel like I am, I feel frustrated and abusive towards myself because I cannot get the words to come out of my throat and I just hate to think that I have to talk about my abuse. I've never talked about it and all of a sudden it becoming so real to me and I don't like it any advice are there please help.
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Can't understand why this is happening
- Post starter Hidden me
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ladee
VIP Member
Good to see you here, reaching out... a good beginning...
Is your therapist helping you by teaching or suggesting grounding techniques? If not, ask her to help.
I think many of us go thru this.... it IS hard to talk about our trauma... does your T allow you to set the pace in sessions? Sometimes that helps, gives us more power to feel it's ok to talk or not talk about trauma that day....
Are you on any meds ?
Sorry if I'm not helping a lot and asking too many questions... not trying to be intrusive, just wanting to get to know the circumstances a little better....
I do feel what you are going thru is normal, but talking with your T about this and finding a way to manage would really help you....
Glad you are here, just hate why you are here.. hope to see you around more....
Is your therapist helping you by teaching or suggesting grounding techniques? If not, ask her to help.
I think many of us go thru this.... it IS hard to talk about our trauma... does your T allow you to set the pace in sessions? Sometimes that helps, gives us more power to feel it's ok to talk or not talk about trauma that day....
Are you on any meds ?
Sorry if I'm not helping a lot and asking too many questions... not trying to be intrusive, just wanting to get to know the circumstances a little better....
I do feel what you are going thru is normal, but talking with your T about this and finding a way to manage would really help you....
Glad you are here, just hate why you are here.. hope to see you around more....
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Sideways
VIP Member
As distressing as this is, I think it may be fairly common. There's nothing natural about the relationship we have with our T, and we have a lot riding on the relationship being productive and helpful. For me? It's mostly shame that makes it hard to get the words out of my mouth: even though I trust my T, saying the words out loud? To an actual person? And when I'm really unwell or there's a particularly significant issue that needs addressing, the pressure is even worse.
Personally, I think it's normal to get pretty uncomfortable talking about the kind of stuff that we have to talk about with our T's. They aren't the kind of conversations that people ordinarily have - in fact, often we're talking about stuff in therapy that we go to huge lengths to keep hidden from the rest of the world. And then we walk into our T's office and we're supposed to just let it all out?
When I know abead of an appointment that I'm going to have trouble getting the words out, or staying focused or present, I take notes. I write it down, and read it out, and that way I know that I've said what I needed to say. To date, I've never come across a T that has had a problem with that.
And often, I go one step further, and I take notes during my appointment of key things my T says - and sometimes my T will now suggest, "Do you need to write this down?" Because she knows that I'm super-stressed and that things like communication and memory aren't working as they should be!
Some people find, as an alternative, emailing their T before a session is a good way to let their T know "This is what we need to cover...". Find what works best for you and your T, because there's lots of perfectly legitimate ways to communicate with them other than saying stuff out loud, on the spot, in the pressure-cooker atmosphere that the appointment often is. The issue, to me, is not "How do I not be stressed about this?" because it's pretty stressful, and being stresed is ok, and normal. It's just about finding ways to communicate what you need to, that works for you.
Personally, I think it's normal to get pretty uncomfortable talking about the kind of stuff that we have to talk about with our T's. They aren't the kind of conversations that people ordinarily have - in fact, often we're talking about stuff in therapy that we go to huge lengths to keep hidden from the rest of the world. And then we walk into our T's office and we're supposed to just let it all out?
When I know abead of an appointment that I'm going to have trouble getting the words out, or staying focused or present, I take notes. I write it down, and read it out, and that way I know that I've said what I needed to say. To date, I've never come across a T that has had a problem with that.
And often, I go one step further, and I take notes during my appointment of key things my T says - and sometimes my T will now suggest, "Do you need to write this down?" Because she knows that I'm super-stressed and that things like communication and memory aren't working as they should be!
Some people find, as an alternative, emailing their T before a session is a good way to let their T know "This is what we need to cover...". Find what works best for you and your T, because there's lots of perfectly legitimate ways to communicate with them other than saying stuff out loud, on the spot, in the pressure-cooker atmosphere that the appointment often is. The issue, to me, is not "How do I not be stressed about this?" because it's pretty stressful, and being stresed is ok, and normal. It's just about finding ways to communicate what you need to, that works for you.
- Post starter
- #4
Well I mentioned about emailing the night before my session but she was like no that's not therapy and I'll take you has I find you because she said alot could happening within 12hrs and my could change within that time which l totally understand so basically whatever I need to address I will bring it on the day.
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- #5
No not at all we're not working on any grounding technique but she try to kee me in the here and now but sometimes I go back in my head I wonder rough and she just go with the flow. When that happens she asks what's going on for me what's happening to me how do I feel but I can never be totally honest.
No I'm not on any meds I'm just trying talk therapy because I hate medication they all come with their own side effect. Yes she always invite me to lead but I hardly take the opportunity so she always have to be prodding and poking to get somewhere with me and like I said l never want explore anything because I'm too scare.
And even if I try to plan the session when I get there something else play out so I am stuck, scared, frighten and very frustrating but she always encourage me that I'm doing well but don't all therapist say that they sre train to say things like that.
No I'm not on any meds I'm just trying talk therapy because I hate medication they all come with their own side effect. Yes she always invite me to lead but I hardly take the opportunity so she always have to be prodding and poking to get somewhere with me and like I said l never want explore anything because I'm too scare.
And even if I try to plan the session when I get there something else play out so I am stuck, scared, frighten and very frustrating but she always encourage me that I'm doing well but don't all therapist say that they sre train to say things like that.
ladee
VIP Member
Then if you have something you would like to work on, like freezing in session, possibly you could write this on a paper and hand it to her... explaining to her like you have us.... it would help her... but at the same time, don't be so hard on yourself... it takes time to open up.... you are doing good if you are still going... and if you are wanting to start talking, it will happen..it's normal to be scared and embarrassed... we carry a lot of shame , so it still sound like you are doing well.... building trust with our T takes time.... it is obvious you are wanting to move forward, and you will when the time is right....
Just be kinder and more patient with yourself... you aren't doing anything WRONG !!!! it just takes time....
Just be kinder and more patient with yourself... you aren't doing anything WRONG !!!! it just takes time....
WishfulThinking123
Gold Member
@Hidden me It is often hard to get the words out during my therapy apt. Actually once my T suggested that I started journaling several months ago was when we were able to start working on the core of my issues. During the week, I journalled and then I was able to bring them to her and have her read an entry or two and then she can kind of initiate the conversation about what I wrote-I am getting better at saying things aloud but, it is hard. I like bringing in my journal and giving it to her right at the start of session so, I don't chicken out. I totally get where you're coming from, sometimes when I want to tell her something but, then couldn't get my mouth to say it I would feel like I just wasted a session on talking about way less important things. Writing it down and having her read it has def helped!
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- #8
WishfulThinking123 she told me it would help when things come up in my head that I could write them down and from then l started journaling so I guess l just need to be blow enough to share my thoughts with her.
I am so grateful l found this site you guys have been a tower of strength great encouragement thanks again
Well I feel so encourage I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long while get dressed and go to my friend bar-be-que time to mingle with some real people lol you know what l mean.
I am so grateful l found this site you guys have been a tower of strength great encouragement thanks again
Well I feel so encourage I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long while get dressed and go to my friend bar-be-que time to mingle with some real people lol you know what l mean.
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ladee
VIP Member
That was beautiful to read @Hidden me..... hope you had a good time out with friends.... and the therapy starts to move along a little.... you are very brave to share with others, and listen, and understand you are not alone.... hope your days get better and better. gentle hugs.
D
Deleted member 37085
I too initially in therapy would open up then close down and open and close, etc. and I also agree that this is part of learning how to talk, cope, and try and deal with trauma memories during therapy. Also, taking notes during therapy sessions and journaling also work for me pre-appt., during therapy appts., and also post-therapy sessions @Hidden me. I'm so glad you're here and I too hope you do indeed get dressed this day and go out and enjoy yourself at the cookout with your friends!:hug:
WishfulThinking123
Gold Member
@Hidden me I am so glad you feel encouraged! I hope you enjoy your time with your friends :)
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