Relationship Carer Getting Secondary Ptsd

[aerolock1969]

Hello everyone,
I was wondering if any of you carers out there have actually developed secondary ptsd from being in a serious relationship with your sufferer with uncontrolled ptsd? After reading Anthony's article I learned about secondary ptsd, and realized I definitely did and am experiencing it. My question is...does this become a permanent condition such as combat ptsd or is secondary ptsd able to get cured and go away?

I departed from my ptsd fiance a few months ago so the stress on me has decreased alot, however i still do feel 'different'. I was feeling pretty good for about a month and then I saw my Ex and it sparked me right back into the secondary ptsd feeling. Any advice is welcome.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi aerolock, I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, I mean it kindly, and I hope others will jump in.

It is my understanding that 'secondary ptsd' does not exist as a 'different' type of PTSD; that is, if one gets ptsd following a relationship (with someone with ptsd), they now have 'primary' (as it were) ptsd, the same as anyone else with ptsd has. (For example, following domestic abuse/ threats to their life, etc.) The same diagnostic criteria applies (symptoms from each category which remain I believe longer than 3 months).

There is also the potential scenario that the relationship has brought up things in your own past (just as an example).

Irregardless, I hope you talk to someone if it is bothering you, and get the help you need. I mean it kindly, just with the caveat that I do not know what you've been through, and I am not minimizing it in any way, just that what seperates ptsd from 'normal' (even horrendous) stress and grief is the degree of severity, the spectrum of the symptoms, the length of time they remain (the resistance to 'time' making things better, vs normal grief, etc), and the degree to which it complicates or interferes with (or makes difficult) the regular activities of one's life. I think this difference is hard for those without ptsd to imagine, as there is very little relief when you have ptsd (in particular if the ptsd is unmanaged).

I hope I haven't steered you wrong and I applaud the fact you are reaching out for help, and wish you the best. That in itself (JMHO) is a good sign it may very well not be ptsd- a lack of denial on your part, an ability to ask for help and communicate, an openness that trust (even trusting a therapist) is possible.

The very best wishes to you, I am sorry you've been through what you have. :(

 

[aerolock1969]

Thank you Junebug, this is very helpful. I am definitely going to take your advice and put it into action in regards to paying attention to the duration of me feeling badly. I cannot clearly tell if it is simply heartache from constant barrage of my fiance's bad behavior on and off for 3.5 yrs that keeps me spinning in bad emotions, but I think it might be.

I have never gone 3 months without talking to him or seeing him cuz he contacts me all the time, however instead of getting back togehter we end up in heart-wrenching emotions everytime which send me spinning and we yell at each other and then push each other away. This happened over a long period of time, not from the beginning. I never yelled before I met him and have never pushed my mate away. I've never felt emotionally numb before, and I still dont' feel numb toward him but I do towards any potential new guy.

He and I have agreed to not talk so with your advice, I'm going to sit it out for 3 months and put myself in the mindframe of it being 'over for good' and see how my mind feels. Part of the mental trauma for the carer is loving the sufferer so much and not wanting to leave them because of the good times, and also seeing them love us and tell us they dont want it to end. As sad as I am to not be with him, it is also a nice break to not be mistreated and walk on eggshells.

The longest I've gone without talking to him was 3 weeks, and in those 3 weeks I did great emotionally and I had no stress, and then we saw each other and hell broke lose again and feel that emotionally I am starting from scratch again. The last emotional upset was 5 days ago. Clock starts now!

Thank you Junebug