Caring For My Whole Family

[Reclusive]

I'm here too, listening and witnessing. I wish I had an easy solution for you, but I don't. But it's unfair and cruel and I'm so sorry you feel this way.

 

[Srain]

Mercy, this is serious abuse you are talking about. There is no reason you should be having to take that at all, I'm so very sorry. Choosing to clam up and step into line as you put it is putting yourself at risk. I hope that you will be considering another alternative. You don't deserve to be treated like that, not for 40 years, 40 days, or 40 minutes! Not ever. You are worth far more than that.

Hugs,
Rain

 

[Mercy]

Thank you all for your thoughts. Srain brought me to tears. You are so direct and clear. Reclusive, thanks for your support. you are one of the important people in healing as the compassionate witness. Sweet junebug Thanks for both your posts.

I don't know whether it is possible, at this late date, to form another alter who will be what they want. Maybe, we don't really understand how our brains work even now.

This morning has been no different. I finished the milk for my coffee. H said rather harshly, " Why did you do that? Someone might want it for their cereal." H was eating his bkfast. The kids have gone to work. We can replace it anytime today. It's part of the picture. He finds me wrong at every turn. It's like standing perfectly still waiting for another drip of battery acid in my heart and mind.

 

[seedling]

From what I read I don't understand your younger daughter to be "kindhearted."

Thinking of you.

 

[Reclusive]

Mercy, how is that even reasonable treatment from your husband? You don't even have fair and equal rights to milk? Have you considered what you want out of life? I'm really worried about you - you sound so sad. :(

 

[NIKI]

Hi Mercy, Your family is terribly selfish. They are allow feelings but you are not! I pray that you can find the strenght to fight for yourself. You can't and should not have to live your life this way. Like Reclusive, I am very worried about you.

NIKI

 

[Sethe]

Mercy:

It's hard to change patterns- especially if we've spent our lives following them.

You do not have to put up with emotional abuse (or any type for that matter).

You are important just as you are no matter what anyone else says to the contrary.

 

[Froggie]

Mercy, there will come a time that you will have to think about yourself ... your soul will want to survive ... Your H does not show any respect for who you are, nor compassion for what you survived ... Your soul needs to feel loved and respected, and the first person to do that is yourself. This thread makes me remember how I felt when I was married to an abusive man. My children started to respect me when I decided to respect myself, without waiting for others to do so for me. There's a wonderful person underneath the Pollyanna mask, one step at a time.

 

[seedling]

I pray for you Mercy that reaching out on the forum is the first step for you in establishing support for yourself and that it leads to the support you need in your "real" world.
I'm glad you are here. You have done a powerful thing to be here and tell us what is happening.

 

[Froggie]

Dropped by to say that I'm thinking of you Mercy

 

[SimplyComplex]

Have you read the book "I don't have to make everything all better"? Its about validation and might have been helpful to validate your daughter's feelings about your inability to help her out instead of arguing with her.

I have to say, as this is a huge trigger, a parent threatening suicide, in any way, to their child traumatizes them beyond words. You can't take it back but we have to work on how we deal with our children's emotions so we stay the parents.

 

[Mercy]

Have you read the book "I don't have to make everything all better"? Its about validation and might have been helpful to validate your daughter's feelings about your inability to help her out instead of arguing with her.

I have to say, as this is a huge trigger, a parent threatening suicide, in any way, to their child traumatizes them beyond words. You can't take it back but we have to work on how we deal with our children's emotions so we stay the parents.

You are so right. I didn't recognize the hurt I did until my H came back from the train and told me. It is true the things say can never be taken back. I have to find a way to be when she is being angry that does not push me into the dispair pit. Anything I say from there is harmful to someone.

My daughter and I have been working on affirmations, me speaking them & her liking them. I have been given a little more time before she moves into the rest of her life to heal the hurts between us.