Childhood Child trauma "not enough"

[BigBirdsSister]

I feel like I haven't been through enough to justify how I feel from day to day. I have made a lit for my T of things that happened me but I am scared to let her read it because I feel like I am a huge faker. Anyone else feel like that? I am almost tempted to find an online T to ask if its "enough" to justify how unwell I can get before showing mine. I'd show anyone who had a clue really. It's so scary, I don't know what to do.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Hi SpiritDancer I know exactly how you feel and I often say this is nothing or stupid but, my T reassures me that it is often justifiable how I feel. Sometimes she will try to show me a possible perspective of why the other person might be acting a certain way but, she has never thought anything I brought up was insignificant. This is why I love t- they are trained to realize different situations can affect people differently and they are not really there to judge whether or not something is "enough" but, rather to help us get through it and become more emotionally balanced. I would go ahead and share that list with your T- my guess is when you do you will hopefully feel relieved and your T will hopefully help you feel finally validated for the way you feel.

 

[One step at a time]

Yes, I feel that way. I have trouble believing the diagnosis is justified at all.

 

[BigBirdsSister]

Hi @WishfulThinking123 . I do get she will validate me I think :) She is super like that too. I think part of it is when the official diag is done, (most of my previous Ts and my gp say its ptsd in some form ) I don't want to get landed with the wrong one because the drs dont think what happened me is enough, ya know? I don't even see it as such myself, but according to my friends who know, it is. It's so confusing. I'm glad your T is so great. A good one can make all the difference ^_^

@One step at a time it's super hard isn't it? :/

 

[Mach123]

Once I learned about why I was this way even though it all made sense I just did not believe it. I thought they were believing the lies I was telling them (I wasn't lying) Or that I was 'fixing up my stories and how I felt to line up with what they wanted to hear" and so making myself an excuse. I was wrong. I think it took about two years for me to be able to sort out reality from all that. Then through slow reinforcements I learned for myself what was real as I was getting stronger. Yes, it was really hard.

 

[The Albatross]

Nix the perceptual judgementalisim and shooting your own foot in therapy. Really, it all comes down to you got an issue, you need assist... there is no friggin' measuring stick. It is intensely personal and individual... and the goal/focus is getting/acquiring what you need to regain a sense of confidence/competency/self-efficacy. It's all about YOU.

Does that make you uncomfortable? If so, why?

 

[Deleted member 40995]

I have felt that way so many times, makes me feel fake and guilty. I have to remind myself that what happened was bad and I have a right to feel badly about it. I see someone else who suffered so much but seems to be doing so much better than me and I think I don't have a right to feel as bad as I do. I completely understand what you mean.

Once I learned about why I was this way even though it all made sense I just did not believe it. I tho...

Yes, same here. I always felt like a liar even though I was not lying.

 

[ninja]

I feel like I haven't been through enough to justify how I feel from day to day.

Someone once told me we have an unalienable right to all of our feelings always. That is both a giant blessing and a difficult truth I think.

 

[Keen]

I feel like I haven't been through enough to justify how I feel from day to day. I have made a l...

I have totally felt the ways you're describing. I think its a normal human reaction to trauma and other life experiences. I often torment myself thinking thoughts like "since the things that happened to me aren't bad enough, why do I have all the symptoms of PTSD? I must be weak and have a bad character." Compassion-focused therapy really helped me with this (although I still struggle sometimes with it), you can find compassion-focused trauma books if you look on amazon. It also helped to think "if my best friend disclosed this experience as being something she went through, would I think its 'not enough?'"

 

[BigBirdsSister]

@Mach123 I feel the same way. It's so so hard to self validate

@The Albatross Such truth...and I wouldn't say uncomfortable, more thoughtful

@Rosie11 It seems a lot of us are working on that. Knowing we have a right to feel badly about things.

@Ninja I think you're right

@Kassie My therapist asked me the very same question today :P

 

[Deleted member 35429]

Gosh most times I feel like my trauma is so bad and dark that I'll never be able to relate to other people because they can never hear it with out being traumatized themselves. I feel an urgency to protect people from such vile filth that I've been exposed to as a child.

I have to say I think it's OK if a lesser trauma than mine completely rocks your world. Some people are more sensitive to things. Your feelings are still valid and you need to be cared for regardless of the cause.

 

[NonnegotiablePeace]

I don't think that people wonder if "regular" things are enough to justify what happened to us. Like, I don't think you sit around thinking, "this one time it rained when I wanted to go to the park- does that justify my ptsd?" If you are questioning whether something was bad enough- it is. Also remember that our abusers had to make sure that we had trouble recognizing abuse in order to more easily abuse us, so it is not surprising that you have trouble recognizing your own abuse. I always find it helpful to ask "if this was done to someone else, would I consider it abuse?"