Childhood Trauma for 17 Years

[bluebird2008]

Hi... This is the first time I have openly discussed my problems with anyone so I am a little nervous. I am from Kentucky, 21 years old and am a college student. I have post traumatic stress disorder, stemming from a long and abusive childhood. My family was extremely poor, with lived in a mobile home with no running water and no stove. My father was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, he was very abusive and out of control. He would rape my mother, threathen to murder my brother and I, etc. My mother finally divorced him when he attacked me when I was 13. After he left to live in a mental home, she started dating an abusive alcholic, this relationship continued for seven years... that was pretty horrific also.. at the same time I was dating a guy who was abusive, he would cheat on me, steal from me, use drugs and other subtances, he would verbally and physically abuse me, when I was 17 he raped me. I am now in a commited relationship with my husband of a year, but it is very difficult for us, we have a lot of trust and intamcy issuses on my part... I am afraid to trust again... I have nightamres and flashblacks constantly, a low self-esteem, I am try to become a confident indivdiual however I am not having any progress, I have just recently started seeking therapy so hopefully things will change soon.

Becky.

 

[void]

:hello: A warm welcome to you!

Many of us have suffered as you have described and I compliment your courage in telling part of your story. It is very hard to talk about, isn't it? I hope your therapy and this site will help you. I am glad you are here.

Void:smile:

 

[UmightKnowMe]

Yes things WILL change....in fact they are changing already. Your coming here and sharing something that you have never openly shared is a change in and of itself! You are in a committed relationship, yes it is difficult, but not impossible. Hang onto the commitment. Work with your therapist and every day be honest with yourself and those around you. Always communicate what you are feeling, the time for hiding feelings is over, you are safe now and among friends. Welcome!!!

 

[Mercy]

Welcome, Becky.
People here understand a lot about PTSD. Each of us has to take our own road back to a fuller, safer life. Congradulations on starting your journey. We are here to help and encourage you especially when the going gets tough. I used to think that my husband was crazy because he loved me and I knew I was unloveable! Things can and do change. You are lovable too.:hello:

 

[bluebird2008]

Thanks so much for your support... I have really been needing people to talk to who really and truly understand what I am going through... it really helps to know that I am not alone... thank you very much for your support... I really appericate it...

Becky

 

[Deleted member 541]

Becky,

Welcome to the forum.... Sexual abuse/rape can be very difficult to overcome. With help, therapy, an understanding,compassionate partner, and with you excepting yourself as a woman, wife, and being kind to yourself I hope that you will overcome this.....I wish you well....

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

Welcome to the forum Becky :)

 

[Acer]

Hi Becky. I too suffered a long and multi-trauma childhood. Survival is just that, you are here today to tell us about it. You survived. Welcome to the forum.

 

[rallynut78]

Welcome! I'm sure you will find that this a good place for information and support from those with similar traumatic experiences. good luck on the path to recovery!

 

[midi]

it's gonna be a long bloody haul, but hopefully you can do it. breaking that abusive cycle is difficult.