Christmas Plans When You Don't Have Family

[Tinyflame]

What do people like to do, or what do they think of, or do you celebrate it at all?

Thank you!

 

[Muttly]

Some years I've gone off and played in the woods. That's nice and peaceful, but to be honest I still felt a bit meh when it came to dinner. The last few years I've been volunteering with tent city which is super nice. I think that gave me a sense of connection I was missing. And I try to do something special for myself, even if it's just a small thing like renting a dvd I have been meaning to see.

 

[FauxLiz]

Some years I stockpile my favorite comfort foods, drinks, put clean sheets on the bed and I spend the day reading, and napping, binge watching TV if I feel like it but generally disconnecting from the outside world. Last year I made reservations as this amazing historic hotel that was doing a 6 course gourmet buffet. I checked into the hotel, sat down for a leisurely meal reading a book on my ipad enjoying the food a bottle of wine and then I went upstairs and enjoyed the spa tub.

 

[blackemerald1]

Last year I made reservations as this amazing historic hotel

This sounds like a fantastic idea and absolute bliss..

I've gathered in my favourite foods and binged on Netflix & ignored everything else.... it's great. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Those are good suggestions, thank you. :hug:

I wonder if it has to do with figuring out what we need, or hope or wish to accomplish, or feel (destination), and therefore map (how to do that/ get there)?

 

[FauxLiz]

@Junebug I have had years to perfect how to spend the holidays alone. I have been divorced for over a decade and until this year have had to share/alternate with the kids with my ex. Beyond that I work a job that makes it difficult (most often intentionally) to get extra time off and haven’t lived within a full day’s drive of my childhood home/parents since the early 90’s.

My family tries to make me feel guilty if I don’t visit especially if I don’t have my kids but I prefer a no drama holiday myself.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Hmmm, I have done many different things since I don't have family. In years past I have decorated a lot or a little, have fixed an extravagant meal for 1 or lay comatose in the bed watching TV and not eating. I'm usually somewhere in the middle.

This year is proving to be a struggle to decorate in any way, but I did manage to put out a few things last evening. It's kind of depressing! Anyway, I'll try to rally despite this horrible knot of anxiety that stays with me these days. I haven't decided whether or not I'll cook, but am thinking on it. A friend asked me to go to dinner with her family at 6:00 p.m. at a Japanese restaurant, but I went last year and was not keen on it. Plus, it's expensive.

I wonder if it has to do with figuring out what we need, or hope or wish to accomplish, or feel (destination), and therefore map (how to do that/ get there)?

I think you're on the mark here, @Junebug. When I'm in the holiday spirit I think I'm trying to create "cozy" for myself. I want and need warmth, acceptance, love, and care. I'm not so good at providing this for myself, still. I guess my efforts are the roadmap? I need to venture out, I think, to building relationships so that I'm not alone. I really don't like it and I don't think it's especially healthy. Hope that makes sense. VB

 

[RussellSue]

Before I got married, I would go to our Community Hall for the local dinner and help make the meal. It's basically the equivalent of a soup kitchen on Christmas. I did the same thing on Thanksgiving. In a way, I kind of miss it. Hundreds of lower-income locals would come through with and without families - lots of Christmas cheer. Before that, it was the AA hall festivities. I was on my own for a long time, but never alone on the holidays.

 

[Friday]

I usually had a lot of fun when I was on my own, mostly because I used it as an excuse to go have some fun, and almost invariably met up with others -total strangers- who either had the same idea, or who were ducking their families for a few hours to take a sanity check and joined in our silliness.

One Christmas in particular was a surfing day trip that turned into a 3 day beach party complete with bonfires, twinkle lights, and ground ovens. Essentially a Luao, except we were on the wrong side of the world, and almost no one knew each other before we started. Totally unplanned, the thing grew almost exponentially as people kept adding to it “Hey why don’t we...”

But my goal was never to get together with others... my idea of fun would have had me grinning like a Cheshire Cat whether it was Christmas Morning or a Tuesday afternoon in April.

It just often worked out birds of a feather, was all.

I think it was pretty key that I wasn’t trying to be alone or “with” people, those years. If I’d wanted to be alone? All those people would have been frustrating and annoying. If I’d tried to be with people? I’d probably have left -miserable- long before others showed up, or tried too hard to attach myself to others when they did show and push them away, or not been able to enjoy the casual hail fellow well met / come & go as you please nature of things. It wasn’t about the people for me, it was about the activity. The people we just an unexpected treat. Oh! Hi!

 

[Lionheart]

This is my first Christmas without family. I do have extended family that I have been invited to visit with on Christmas eve and I have new room mates that I maybe spending Christmas day with. However, it will be mostly a meal and some company at best, as there is no money for presents and I am grieving the recent loss of my "baby" sister.

So, I am a little low on Holiday cheer. I guess I am not technically alone this year, but with my immediate family deceased, it seems that I am. I am fortunate that I will not actually be physically alone this year and may have to do something different next year, I just don't know yet. Nice thread.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you everyone.

I prefer a no drama holiday myself.

Oh me too @FauxLiz . That is a great benefit of what can happen, less can be more!

It actually crossed my mind to book a hotel for a night, but I could spend that elsewhere, including a present. But, say- a hot tub is lovely, so a soak (even with a candle or 2 :) ) may be nice; beautiful food is terrific- but I'm often not so food-motivated or capable of having an appetite- but- again I thought, hmm.. comfort foods, here and there. :)

When I'm in the holiday spirit I think I'm trying to create "cozy" for myself. I want and need warmth, acceptance, love, and care. I'm not so good at providing this for myself, still. I guess my efforts are the roadmap? I need to venture out, I think, to building relationships so that I'm not alone. I really don't like it and I don't think it's especially healthy. Hope that makes sense.

Yes VB it certainly does. I'm not good at it either. But our thoughts influence a lot. Even our energy. Today I was going in to a hospital, and some guy stopped me to tell me what a beautiful smile I had, running across the street, cold and in a terrible wind, lol. But in retrospect (though I didn't know I was smiling- didn't notice anyone), I do remember looking and thinking, 'oh, beautiful Christmas trees!' (little ones).

I think VB it helps to capitalize on the moment, as in, is there one thing you'd want to put up for Christmas, today? Or, it's ok not to, too. Maybe first rest.

I kind of miss it

I can understand that. I had something somewhat similar for years and I felt the same when I no longer could do it. I have often ended up with some strangers (I mean, short lived) on holidays. And important to remember too, how lucky I am.

my idea of fun would have had me grinning like a Cheshire Cat whether it was Christmas Morning or a Tuesday afternoon in April.

It just often worked out birds of a feather, was all.

Oh, Friday, just saw. Yes, I bet! :) I wish our climate was warmer here- outdoor time here isn't for the faint of heart (or circulation), lol. But you are also very right, as that's just the icing not the cake. Same mindset, likes and dislikes. But same, too, desire to celebrate, to not be self-pitying, either. In the moment fully.

 

[Tinyflame]

So, I am a little low on Holiday cheer. I guess I am not technically alone this year, but with my immediate family deceased, it seems that I am. I am fortunate that I will not actually be physically alone this year and may have to do something different next year, I just don't know yet. Nice thread

Aw Lionheart, the first Christmas is the worst. :( Do go easy on yourself. :hug: :hug:

I'm not sure that focusing on the definition or concept of family (or at least the conventional ones), is always the best way to wonder how to get through, or manage, or feel better, or celebrate? Because when one doesn't have family, etc. , that's how it feels the focus is.