General Clearer today

[Flying Dove]

I have better understanding of what is going on with me. When husband and I got together I did not want to follow news except for pandemic medical health care psychology. I knew a lot about narcissism cluster b traits dark triad spiritual trauma etc. I do not have a political identity took effort to become unregistered voter. Husband made it clear everyone should follow the news . If not those people are weak. So I did or tried. My fear escalated out of control. We had another talk to today. I expla8ned I lost myself trying to do it. Now I am worn out exhausted trying to simplify. Less clothes other things to clean up buy etc. We don't live high on the hog. We own an rv together. Since we met we have moved 5 times. Very hard to keep changing especially health care. I should have never done this trying to meet his unrealistic expectations. He is hurt angry again. Me too. I had to call the crisis line yesterday. I got to feeling extreme,y worthless hopeless. Better today but a ways to go. My husband is a good man. He has done a lot for me. But the level of fear I have because I did this a d he is a doomsday prepper has clouded that. I had to ask him today what is the realistic chance that people breaking in or trying to kill us is? His answer not much. Any ideas or suggestions appreciated.

 

[Friday]

Husband made it clear everyone should follow the news . If not those people are weak.

Core belief.

I DGAF, but my son is a political animal. So I understand living with one, and stretching… because? Love.

I should have never done this trying to meet his unrealistic expectations.

Fair. This is not the life you wanted. You wanted HIM, but? It’s MORE than just the people we love, that we try to marry, it’s the lives we both want. And I’m not talking churchy marry, but literally, attempting to marry two things together. Like flavors in a sauce. An introvert and an extrovert can marry their lives, but someone who is living a public life and someone who values privacy? Usually cannot. I know COUNTLESS ambassadors (my own childhood) who are extroverts, married (churchy) to introverts. Their lives? Work. Because of how their marriage works. But? It”s not about how much you/they love each other. It’s about whether or not your lives “work” together.

If what he needs and what you need? Do NOT have an overlap in the Venn Doagram? Someone… will always be sacrificing. And that’s not possible, long term. Most people? Have 2 years of sacrifice in reserve to get to a better place.

You can love HIM more than air.
He can love YOU more than air.

But?

If there isn’t common ground for the 2 of you to meet at, as far as your LIVES are concerned? There is a clock, on how long either of you can sacrifice, to keep the other.

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you for your insights. I agree with you. I made an error letting this go on to the point I felt unsafe. That was never his intention. He and I have made an agreement that he helps me with feeling physically and emotionally unsafe when it arises. I have agreed to help him because he truly is sorry for his part in this. We do have other interests and goals in common. There are some social issues about society we can discuss. I need to build some tolerance in discussing with him the possible outcomes of the horrible political mess. . I saw the world in a different way. More brighter positive. Not toxic positivity. I am still concerned his focus on this comes his military service, He did have trauma and like me comes a dysfunctional family of origin. We like the outdoors day trips from our small NM to AZ.

 

[Flying Dove]

Core belief.

I DGAF, but my son is a political animal. So I understand living with one, and stretching… because? Love.


Fair. This is not the life you wanted. You wanted HIM, but? It’s MORE than just the people we love, that we try to marry, it’s the lives we both want. And I’m not talking churchy marry, but literally, attempting to marry two things together. Like flavors in a sauce. An introvert and an extrovert can marry their lives, but someone who is living a public life and someone who values privacy? Usually cannot. I know COUNTLESS ambassadors (my own childhood) who are extroverts, married (churchy) to introverts. Their lives? Work. Because of how their marriage works. But? It”s not about how much you/they love each other. It’s about whether or not your lives “work” together.

If what he needs and what you need? Do NOT have an overlap in the Venn Doagram? Someone… will always be sacrificing. And that’s not possible, long term. Most people? Have 2 years of sacrifice in reserve to get to a better place.

You can love HIM more than air.
He can love YOU more than air.

But?

If there isn’t common ground for the 2 of you to meet at, as far as your LIVES are concerned? There is a clock, on how long either of you can sacrifice, to keep the other.

Friday could I ask in your opinion who you feel has sacrificed most based on my posts about my husband and I? I am thinking about this more. I have been researching doomsday prepping in regards to psychology beliefs etc. We met in my home state of MO. We moved to NM in March 2021. Lived in MO all my life. till then. He retired March 2023. He purchased an rv for us. I asked him to tell me today what his core beliefs are. Some of his and mine are similar. He believes he is here to fulfill his destiny in the final battle. I have no such beliefs about this Issue. My husband is a veteran who has been in war zones. I am a retired nurse was rn. My goal after bacterial meningitis of my brain with craniotomy done was to be seizure free. So far- 9 1/ 2 years I am. Several normal EEGs since,

I ask this question so I can continue working on me, Thank you.

 

[Friday]

Friday could I ask in your opinion who you feel has sacrificed most based on my posts about my husband and I?

No idea, sorry.

It’s one of those things where what’s a sacrifice for one, is hated by another, irritating to a third, nothing (negative or positive) for a fourth, liked by a fifth, loved by a 6th.

What I can say absolutely, is that I’ve never met -or read about- anyone who can sacrifice long term. It’s a short term solution, a stop gap, to cover emergencies. Not a way of life that is sustainable. Most people? Have about a 2 year max on how long they can sacrifice anything, before they hit their limit.

 

[nursenurse]

What I can say absolutely, is that I’ve never met -or read about- anyone who can sacrifice long term. It’s a short term solution, a stop gap, to cover emergencies. Not a way of life that is sustainable. Most people? Have about a 2 year max on how long they can sacrifice anything, before they hit their limit.

I wish everyone in any relationship PTSD or not could read this quote. Never were truer words spoken We all sacrifice to a certain degree. You have posed a loaded question, @Flying Dove . Only you can determine what you have given up But under no circumstances should anyone give up their own mental health and peace of mind for anyone’s unrealistic expectations/beliefs. There is more than PTSD in this equation, in my opinion

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you Friday and nursenurse. I think I have an answer for myself. Whatever happens in 2024- I will not be defined by it. Nor let it affect my continued recovery.

 

[BrentFlaherty]

Consider seeking professional counseling together to facilitate understanding and coping strategies. Establishing boundaries and finding a balance that respects both your needs can strengthen your relationship.

 

[Flying Dove]

Thank you Brent. I tried several times to get us into couples counseling. He refused. I am back in therapy myself. I think I will need it for some time if not permanently now.