• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

I keep having problems but I don't know how to voice them, or who to voice them to. My life hasn't gone the way I wanted it to and many, many opportunities no longer apply to me. I feel like I'm just here for no reason. Which is just factually true, so I don't know what my brain wants from me. No one is here for any particular reason. We're all just here.

I don't even know how to spin this optimisticly. I think being traumatized even more this past year f*cked something up more than usual. I'm very upset I decided to live as a teenager. The community I was in in college was great, but. I wish I had stopped existing after that. My body my choice etc lol
 
I keep having problems but I don't know how to voice them, or who to voice them to. My life hasn't gone the way I wanted it to and many, many opportunities no longer apply to me. I feel like I'm just here for no reason. Which is just factually true, so I don't know what my brain wants from me. No one is here for any particular reason. We're all just here.

I don't even know how to spin this optimisticly. I think being traumatized even more this past year f*cked something up more than usual. I'm very upset I decided to live as a teenager. The community I was in in college was great, but. I wish I had stopped existing after that. My body my choice etc lol
I relate much to your feelings. I exist currently to keep my family, but I myself feel like not existing, not knowing where I'm heading nor caring about it.
I fcked up so many things and most likely will f up more. It's so hard to rebuild one self from pieces. I'm trying to do small things that I logically know are good for me to build better habits with hope it will help in the end.
@littleoc I did and still do have moments of doubt if I should ever exist. But then I remember part of my favourite book (total crap in many people's opinion) where one of characters is deadly wounded and thinks "well, I can sit here and die but maybe I go and check around the corner to see if there is something interesting" (spoiler: he ends up helping to kill bad arch mage before dying). So this kept me going in hard moments. Checking what's behind next corner. We live in very interesting times. Getting a popcorn and watching how all this mess unfolds is always an option.
Take care! 🫂
 
Bad arch mage? Relatable :P What book is that, do you remember?

Thank you for your kind words 💗

I am doing better after some sleep. Not GREAT but not in as dangerous of a mood at least :P
 
Bad arch mage? Relatable :P What book is that, do you remember?

Thank you for your kind words 💗

I am doing better after some sleep. Not GREAT but not in as dangerous of a mood at least :P
It's Achaja by Andrzej Ziemiański: Achaja Series by Andrzej Ziemiański
I don't think it's translated or ever will be. Shame since it's the best bad book series out there. Full of "deepest" philosophical philosophy that ever philosphed.
I'm glad that some sleep helped a bit.
 
Back
Top