Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

I’m thinking about that pedophile again and how I might have been duped. Still not sure.

But I do remember that he was mean. I remember asking his mother what her husband had been like, and she said “mean” without the slightest hesitation.

But I also remember him wanting to see me one more time before he moved away to China. We were friends. I helped. Did my best, anyway. Got me free. I like to tell people that like it’s funny, and it works.

You’d think it wouldn’t be that traumatic.

 

[littleoc]

I hate when my posts don’t look as optimistic? Do y’all get that way also?

Here’s some good news, though! I had enough money to buy real groceries. Eating like royalty :) so many oranges, so much good, fresh milk, highly recommend

 

[LuckiLee]

Glad you're back and in good spirits. We missed you! ?

 

[Freida]

I’m very frustrated about this because every woman in my family has had a miscarriage and warned her repeatedly that her decisions could be dangerous to herself and others.

Would it help to tell you that you will probably never change her mind? Or at least not anytime soon? I'm guessing you might be percieved as a bigger threat just because you have a science background - which goes against what she believes in. So anything you say must be taken as "NOOOOOOO" And yep - it sucks. And I feel so bad for her having a miscarraige and not wanting to find out why.

I’m ranting again.

Rant away!!!! It's ok!!! yes, you are usually optimistic and such, but it's ok to have bad hours, bad days, bad weeks -- hell even a bad month or two. No one here will ever think less of you for that. If I can leave my silver linings behind you can learn to rant and rave! ?

But I also remember him wanting to see me one more time before he moved away to China. We were friends.

You. Were. Not. Friends. Sorry hun - but no. He was a pedophile and you were a brainwashed, programmed child who believed what she needed to believe to survive. I know that you want to look back on that time in your life and have it not all be horrible and that's ok. I think you should be able to keep those good memories. But -- maybe a conversation for your T .... Is your belief that you were his friend based in a child's idea of friendship or is it a way of holding yourself responsible for what he did?

?

 

[littleoc]

Glad you're back and in good spirits. We missed you! ?

Me too!!! Y’all are the best, I sort of secretly hope I’ll randomly run into you guys :P I missed you too!

And I feel so bad for her having a miscarraige and not wanting to find out why.

Me too, I think that’s what makes it so frustrating. That I know she won’t believe me, that she believes the cult she came from, and obviously frustration because I feel it could be avoided but it may be time to just accept it and be willing to let her live her own life. Just sucks, she’s so young and has no idea what’s up. It could be that I’m projecting about some issue I see in myself that’s not miscarriage related, but also I’m sad by the same thing she is right now. Hopefully she isn’t being harsh on herself. My brother is very kind so hopefully his treatment of her rubs off.

If I can leave my silver linings behind you can learn to rant and rave! ?

Hmmmmmmm maybe! :P

Is your belief that you were his friend based in a child's idea of friendship or is it a way of holding yourself responsible for what he did?

Hm

Both? Partially I feel guilty, because I feel I can’t accuse him of anything. He learned his lesson and felt bad. Depending on how duped I was with his story. I’m a little confused about how much of it was real, since my week off and me realizing it probably wasn’t him taking revenge on white people, or at least not the real motive. Me trying to prove I was a good white person was, possibly, exactly what he wanted, which is still blowing my mind. But I don’t want to blame him, despite previously being angry about what he did. He was disgusting.

On the other hand... I like to pretend it didn’t happen at all. Pretty relatable, I assume :) But if I’m responsible... which I’m not, because otherwise I wouldn’t have been complaining about how unfair it was that he was affecting my college life. But I do feel that I chose That. After the original “abduction” (the one mentioned in the police report), I went back willingly, every day. But that’s because of something about kid psychology, not because I was enjoying everything, exactly.

I mean, I spent years in forums trying to understand people who .... I can’t quite bring myself to finish that sentence. Maybe another time!






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I just came back from having the best sushi ever, just thought y’all should know!

 

[littleoc]

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[littleoc]

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[littleoc]

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These emojis are the best

 

[ILoveLife]

Do y’all get that way also?

Yes :)

I had enough money to buy real groceries. Eating like royalty :)

Yaaay :D
I've been eating well too lately, mostly because I'm able to be creative with little money.

Hey, just so you don't freak out much about the miscarriage bit. It's really, really common to have a miscarriage in the first few months. Most women have them, that's why there's that thing about not telling people in the first 3 months or so.
It might not be due to negligence, even if there was negligence.
:hug:

 

[littleoc]

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[littleoc]

It might not be due to negligence, even if there was negligence.

That really does help to know. It was in the first month of her pregnancy, so that makes sense. Thank you for saying that, I hope she at least gets lucky next time

Yes :)

Glad I’m not alone :)

I've been eating well too lately, mostly because I'm able to be creative with little money.

!!!!!! Yay!!!

Nice!! I’ll send you this milk, I’ve been letting everyone try it! It’s expensive but sooooo worth it. I’ll send you some cereal too, it’s good stuff

 

[ILoveLife]

There's this pig variety - black pig ? Not sure if it's a portuguese variety or if you guys have them there as well. Well, it provides the most delicious meat. Organic on top is an absolute Yum.

I'm not eating cereal now, need to control my bloodsugar. But I'll try a bit of that milk :D