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littleoc
VIP Member
Thank you ? :)
I will think about it. Discussing it feels way more dangerous than helpful. The questions I have would make people sick, probably. I want to ask them in the forums all the time but I feel it would get me banned — yet that’s probably irrational. I could ask staff if needed. I have done that for other forum questions, one I haven’t posted yet but they helped me identify the issue I was having, so in the forums themselves... profit maybe
_
Realized something weird.
I often have to fight my brain about feeling unloved for strange, illogical reasons. One I noticed (that I was too embarrassed to admit) was a lack of likes, in group chats and social media, and in classroom platforms. Not getting replies in the class. I’ve been thinking it was all weird since (1) people seem to like me even if they don’t like every word I say (and if they did that, that would creep me out), and (2) I realize it doesn’t affect me on this site (myPTSD) nearly as much. Which marks it as especially odd.
So I think that’s a mix between the neglect as a kid, and stuff with the Pedo and Brandi.
Neglect because my dad only cared about me occasionally. My mom wasn’t allowed to see me. I was taught to feel worthless and in need of reminding people that I exist. I had to be exceptional all the f*cking time to survive.
Pedo because he would get mad if I wasn’t fun and doing things he approved of.
Brandi because she hated me until I had good info. Or because she started out asking for every secret I had and then suddenly never wanted to know a thing about me.
I shortened the last two because I’m too tired to talk now but didn’t want to quit midsentence.
Good night
I hope y’all’s days were way less stressful than mine <3
I will think about it. Discussing it feels way more dangerous than helpful. The questions I have would make people sick, probably. I want to ask them in the forums all the time but I feel it would get me banned — yet that’s probably irrational. I could ask staff if needed. I have done that for other forum questions, one I haven’t posted yet but they helped me identify the issue I was having, so in the forums themselves... profit maybe
_
Realized something weird.
I often have to fight my brain about feeling unloved for strange, illogical reasons. One I noticed (that I was too embarrassed to admit) was a lack of likes, in group chats and social media, and in classroom platforms. Not getting replies in the class. I’ve been thinking it was all weird since (1) people seem to like me even if they don’t like every word I say (and if they did that, that would creep me out), and (2) I realize it doesn’t affect me on this site (myPTSD) nearly as much. Which marks it as especially odd.
So I think that’s a mix between the neglect as a kid, and stuff with the Pedo and Brandi.
Neglect because my dad only cared about me occasionally. My mom wasn’t allowed to see me. I was taught to feel worthless and in need of reminding people that I exist. I had to be exceptional all the f*cking time to survive.
Pedo because he would get mad if I wasn’t fun and doing things he approved of.
Brandi because she hated me until I had good info. Or because she started out asking for every secret I had and then suddenly never wanted to know a thing about me.
I shortened the last two because I’m too tired to talk now but didn’t want to quit midsentence.
Good night
I hope y’all’s days were way less stressful than mine <3
