• We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
  • Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.

Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

I had a good day overall. I would like to count my losses and chill.

Why do I have to feel bad for making people angry? In this case it was very seriously not my fault. And maybe she should feel bad for making us feel bad. For years. As children.

She’s going to get mad that I didn’t mention synagogue before, or the pedophile, or the anything? When have you shown me you could handle it without getting weird and defensive?

If I keep talking I’m going to end up in another “argument” when she’s silent so I’ll feel bad. Tired of her behavior. Sick and tired. I go out of my way my entire life to protect her and she tries too but this? This is ridiculous. I think I’m speaking nonsense at this point. Ugh.
 
Something positive.

At least it didn’t happen on Sunday. No one can talk negative talk on Sundays! I wouldn’t have brought up a thing.

Wait, is that good or bad?

Honestly if she’d talked I would have reminded her that when she wants help she can say it. But she clearly doesn’t want help. She just wants to comfortably hate this place. I guess.

You wouldn’t have believed how f*cking comfortable she was talking about this house when it was our fault. No wonder we had trouble talking about it. She’d blame us.

Something positive.

Nestle really enjoyed yesterday’s run! So much that today, despite me avoiding taking her anywhere so she could rest that last good leggy (and her scarred one), she kept looking at me with intense eye contact asking to go for a run. Poor pupper! It is boring here for her though. So I took her on a walk.

I wonder if my mom noticed I’m acting like I did when I yelled back at my psychopath dad. At my own risk. She basically told me to shut up and let him do whatever he wants because it was “necessary.” Bitch, you want my little brother dead? He should just comply with getting bitch slapped? You should just comply with getting raped all the time? Um, no.

And then I f*cking had revenge, and it’s still sweet. He’s forever on lists for being a child abuser. I was right. It was not “necessary” to deal with that idiot. I was a voice of reason and as usually was being told I was wrong.

Sick of it. No one else treats me like that. Ever. If they do they’re f*cking out of my life. I do not have to live with a psychopath and I don’t have to fix this stupid f*cking house.
 
I bought another plant! A Christmas cactus!!!

I used to have one! It passed away in this house unfortunately. Most my plants do. But anyway, I have another one! Hopefully I can keep it happy! It needs reporting already but I’ll give it a bit.
 

Donation drives

2026 Donation Goal

Goal
$1,800.00
Earned
$910.00
This donation drive ends in
0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds
  50.6%
Donate

Trending content

Featured content

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom