Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[bellbird]

The word “Nevertheless” is used for shifting how your brain works.

Beautiful.

 

[littleoc]

I thought so too!

In some groups, the black widow symbolizes changing perspectives, so the name is really fitting. I was gonna rename her Peabody (get it?? Cuz their abdomen is the size of a pea??) but I think I’ll keep her given name. :D

 

[somerandomguy]

I am thinking of meeting with my dad to give him back his fire station at least.

Oh littleoc. You are so good and kind-hearted. He is not. Don't waste any more time on him.

I'm glad to hear things are mostly going well!

 

[Freida]

How ya doin?

 

[somerandomguy]

?

 

[littleoc]

??? :D

For all of you!!

 

[littleoc]

And pretty good! I’m doing okay. Having a lot of weird and creepy dreams, Nestle may or may not think I’m afraid of mail boxes now, and my computer died.

So I had to spend $330 on a decent one. Was thinking of getting a $100 temp computer, but the specs were... not good. Thing probably wouldn’t last me two months, lol.

I hope the decent one works.

Will have to get files very carefully from my old one. I’ma put that off to when I’m not doing a three part many page project. :)

Also I signed up for a yoga class at the synagogue because it scares me, and I hate being scared. Challenge accepted.

Of course right when I decided that, SEVERE WEATHER AND TORNADOES so...

Challenge still accepted for now, unless the terms get unreasonable (I am not as crazy as my school bus driver was; I do not drive under funnel clouds).

It’s hard to do a huge project when my computer doesn’t arrive until tomorrow.

 

[littleoc]

I also have suddenly developed an I revise OCD thing surrounding food. As in, I’m terrified of things spoiling and getting food poisoning, so now I have rituals and am starting to annoy my family. But the main ritual is never leaving food out, or throwing it away if I do, and honestly that’s not TOO bad as long as I’m reasonable. (As in, throwing out chicken that’s been out two hours at room temp, Sure. If I start throwing away open bags of dried fruits, I will address it more closely.)

Also impulsively bought everything I need to give my gecko a second floor. I dunno why I did that, because I can’t afford it. My therapist is still a bit concerned about how my pets all have luxurious spaces to live and play in except for the cat and dog and myself.

I’m my own pet, according to my messed up grammar, lol

I’ve been having creepy dreams! One was weirdly pleasant though. It was me driving to school in New Hampshire (where I take online classes, but in reality I live in TN and have never even been to NH), and in the dream I decided to turn off my GPS because my subconscious knew the way. But I accidentally took one wrong path(?) and Brandi was in a shop! As the greeter employee! :0

Did I mention this happened in reality? (I have not, I just don’t know how to say that, in English. (Yes, English is my native language, don’t laugh.)) It was... odd. Long story, might tell it later.

Anyway. In dream world, we mimicked the time this actually happened. Sort of. And Brandi was telling me about how she still wanted to write.

This also happened in reality. Mostly with Fungus, but not always.

So I told her I’m going to this school and she should come with me. So she did. And I introduced her to my professor/advisor/admissions counselor (they were kind of mixed, no good faces in my dreams so the characters always get confusing — plus I haven’t met these people in person). And then Brandi loved the school and was telling me that she was thinking about going.

This also happened in reality, but at my undergrad school.

I remember feeling proud of her. It was a very strong emotion, and so in the dream it was too, even though in the dream, we weren’t friends anymore.

It was an odd dream. I woke up feeling sort of happy though, but the weirder thing — I woke up feeling relieved. Not because I felt that Brandi wasn’t out there suffering, but because the dream was so real that I thought it happened. And in the dream, I was disappointed in myself for letting her back into my life, especially with the old barriers of “I do what you need.”

So when I woke up and eventually realized it WAS just a dream, I was extremely relieved that I didn’t have to be that for her anymore. She wasn’t going to start hating me if I got ahead. She won’t get jealous of my life (or I won’t know if she does).

I’m still incredibly sorry for her childhood, but come to think of it, she couldn’t have survived half the shit I went through with the attitude she has. I don’t mean that meanly. I still really hope she gets better, and maybe she will because I’m not around. I really had to let her go, though, no matter how important she was to me.

I just really love taking care of people. But I’m also extremely independent.

I think this dream was sparked by someone asking to date me “until I get back with my boyfriend again.” They are on/off dating, her first relationship ever. She was wanting to know if I could be her “casual cuddle buddy.” Weirdly I didn’t say yes or no, I just kind of let Fungus soak in everything she was hiding and then gave her relationship advice. I haven’t really talked to her since then.

I’m worth way more than a casual cuddle buddy, but for some reason I got attached to her quickly once I understood what she was feeling. But not attached enough to text her back for several days. I think she should apologize for asking that of me. Either we’re friends or we’re not. I’m not getting between someone and her boyfriend when neither are ready to move on. Too much drama. I don’t have time for that.

 

[littleoc]

Other dream I want to mention was a nightmare. I am not going to talk about the whole thing, but there’s one part that completely freaked me out and almost messed up my day. It was Disney’s Goofy, sort of? Something like him. But wearing one of those gimp suits (no idea if I’m spelling that right) and waiting like a creepy NPC at a creepy black door. I wasn’t in this dream, but the protagonist of the dream (a deer) went to him to see what he wanted. He said in this demonic voice, “Are you ready for our wife to mutilate us?”

The character was nervous and decided to see what else in the creepy world was waiting around to be discovered, but was also feeling bad about when it(?) should go back for the “task.”

I frequently have dreams about other people’s traumas, so I assumed at first this dream was that kind of dream, but it felt a bit too real. My best guess is that it’s a mix of several experiences I’ve had. I don’t think it’s wise to talk about them at 3:30AM tho.

But the dream was bothering me a lot so now it’s here where I can quit trying to make sense of it. Or, mostly so Fungus won’t, lol.

Not that I’m really clear on my own identity tho. Still not. I think I’m pretty analytical though. And I think analysis of a dream like that needs to wait.

 

[littleoc]

In happier news, I’m getting my first Windows 10 OS tomorrow! Let’s hope it’s good enough!!

Also also!!! I will be challenging myself to do something scary Saturday morning!!!

If you read nothing above, make sure you see the good news of the day!!!

Going to bed now, lol

Goals: daily walk, healthy breakfast, finish Part I, start part II, go to synagogue unless there’s a tornado

 

[somerandomguy]

That's great with the yoga - I think you're actually going to love it. It was extremely scary for me, too, but I found out very quickly that it's an incredibly welcome environment.

I’m terrified of things spoiling and getting food poisoning

Considering where you live, that makes total sense.

 

[Freida]

And in the dream, I was disappointed in myself for letting her back into my life, especially with the old barriers of “I do what you need.”
So when I woke up and eventually realized it WAS just a dream, I was extremely relieved that I didn’t have to be that for her anymore.

I’m worth way more than a casual cuddle buddy,

I’m not getting between someone and her boyfriend when neither are ready to move on. Too much drama. I don’t have time for that.

Holy crap!!! I am soooo proud of you!!! I don't even have words!!! :hug: