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Comedy - Welcome To Doctor Doppemhiyer's Clinic! (lol)

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Dear Broken Box in OK,

I vas so happy to get your letter and to read that you are one of my fans.

My good friend Johnny did a good thing in referring you to me.

I always have an “opening” for a "quickie" consultation, especially in matters such as this…*vink-vink*

And ve should meet soon because, vit the holiday season upon us, a girl can get really “down” and “drain” herself, especially as the season reaches its “climax”.


I vas very “excited” to hear that you may interested in joining our musical class for “hole-pee”less cases, as I think I could “fit you in” rather “quickly”. I suggest you come to my office and I can vatch you “perform solo on your “X-box” (or… more appropriately in your case, the “Y” box, to “ass”ess your “talents”…nudge-nudge.

It is quite common for frequent users who “play” a lot on the “X-box”, it being an ad“dick”tive instrument, to feel broken up due to over-usage/over-stimulation.

It makes perfect sense to me that you “feel” over-stressed from playing with your box, especially if you feel “down” too often, even though it does bring one much “relief”. And yes, you are correct, I do have some experience in this "area".

A vord of advice however. Try not to adjust the "knobs" as this could result in a malfunction. Svitching the plugs to the “back" can help increase the tension in x-box’s performance “butt” one must be careful. And I say this because if one bangs it incorrectly, or too f“ass”t, you don’t want to slip and bag one of the plugs. They are difficult to reach and retrieve if that happens, and intensely affects the air flow in the instrument’s chambers; a crappy situation you don’t to get yourself into.

I recommend you don’t bang your own box; this is best done by a qualified specialist, vich, I am happy to say, I am vun. I am certain I can put my “finger” on it and give you a “hand” vit your situation!

If you enter therapy, I would have a special place just for you. You could bring your box to class and perform “Bang a Gong” vit the other members.

So fear not – you are not screwed…yet!

Perhaps ve could meet at Starbucks and discuss this. I have medication for you that could really help "loosen up the tightness".


Sincerely,

Doc DVD


bcc - Nurse Ratchet – Please make an appointment vit Miss Box. Vould you like to go out to coffee at Starbucks vit us ven I take her out???? Hee-hee
 
Wishing a Happy and Festive Season and New Year to all past, current and future clients and readers!!

Doctor Doppemhiyer and Nurse Ratchet.

xo
 
Holy shit Dr. Doppemhiyer

I think your online clinic needs to be given a xxx rating.

That Broken Box consultation reads like a letter out of Penthouse Magazine.

I'm still a bit dazed by the mental imagery.

Exactly where did you get your qualification from???

Concerned Citizen
 
Ah yes, that reply vus rather x-rated, I agree.

Sometimes I must communicate in the patient's language to be effective.

Apologies if I've offended anyone.
 
Not offended at all.

Reading that consultation was the most exciting thing that's happened to me since November.

It's refreshing to find a therapist who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.

Keep up the good work doctor.
 
Is`your band playing tonight? To "ring" in the new year?

I don't know if I want to see the ball drop. I've already dropped the ball a few times.

By the way, is Christmas over?

ISH
 
Dear ISH,

Yes, zee band is playing at the Hopeless Cases' annual New Year Eve's dance. You're in the band remember? lol

Yes, Christmas is over vit. An many of my students are sad that is, as it means their credit card bill will soon be in the mail.

How are you and the Mrs. doing in the you-know-what-department? Last time you were in, you felt you were in "short" supply.:rofl::rofl:
 
I think I have been a victim of "gallows humor" what should I do. The following events are the evidence that I believe points to this conclusion.

I planned it so well.
I learned to make a noose.
Wrote the perfect letter.
Tied the rope to a tree.
Put the noose around my neck.
Jumped out of the tree.
Landed on the ground.
Sprained my ankle.
Looked up from flat on my back on the ground.
Burst out laughing.
Climbed back up the tree.
Took down the rope.
Called it a day.

How can I be sure this embarrassing incident is never repeated? I have absolutely no sense of rhythm, but can I join the band?

Tiger
 
I'll be the Vladimir to your Estragon.

I, too, have been struck with the black humour. In desperation, I tried to hang myself with my belt, but my pants fell down. What can a person do?

The medical profession is having at my old Myspace username. "There is no such drug or word as 'euthanol'." Well, there is now.

I will sit in eager anticipation of advice from the Doctor.
--

P.S. I don't suppose the band is in need of a roving harmonica player?
 
Even the strongest need to take a break once in a while. Make sure the Doctor is in good hands, okay? He has a lot of patients who care about him and wish him a full recovery.

*paces, worried*

We'll be around in the future. It's nothing urgent.

*flips the 'Closed' sign*
 
Physician Heal Thy Self comes to mind here. I hope you can find the right technique to your own healing.

Maybe less visits to Starbucks would help as coffee is not good in large doses.

Take care and wishing you a speedy recovery, for your own sake.

Amethist
 
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