Completing The Circuit

[Crow]

My T has continually reminded me that ptsd is an incomplete response. Every time I start fussing about me not finishing something, or stopping a healthy habit, or whatever, she reminds me of the incomplete circuit that us ptsd and how that's been my default since infancy.

Do you guys have a similar problem? Today I decided to start completing stuff. I did finish some projects around the house but I forgot to eat all day and to go to a meeting tonight. And now I'm in a full, albeit mild, panic attack.im not sure how to support changing this response pattern.

 

[sun seeker]

she reminds me of the incomplete circuit that us ptsd and how that's been my default since infancy

Is your therapist saying that having a hard time finishing things is part of PTSD? I hadn't heard that before. Just wanting to clarify.

Do you guys have a similar problem?

It depends. When things are going well, no. But it's been several years that I've stopped taking on big projects because most often, a crisis of some sort comes along and interrupts them. (Right now, I am very symptomatic, so the definition of a big project has changed.) Which, now I think about it, means I lack the practice of picking up where I left off after the crisis is over. Hmm. So maybe it is a response pattern. Or something to do with emotional regulation? Hadn't thought of that before.

Sorry, I don't have any advice, but you are giving me something to think about.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I have trouble finishing things. Attention short-circuits, everything feels pointless, the future seems like it is so short that there just isn't a point to continue. For me, however, I think it might be more depression related and less PTSD, although the two certainly overlap.

 

[sun seeker]

the future seems like it is so short that there just isn't a point to continue

Ah yes. And maybe also, a sense of not having control over one's life, so what is the point of planning it?

Sorry, still no advice, just some sympathy. How is your panic now?

 

[Crow]

@sun seeker some trauma researchers believe and have proven that ptsd is caused by our innate response mechanism being interrupted. In other words, let's say our fight/flight response gets stuck before it finishes. The brain learns this is the thing to do when the trauma is prolonged. So the purpose of trauma therapy is to assist the brain and body to finish those responses. Then our bodies won't freak out....and basically ptsd is cured. It's all physiology. So T has shown how that response pattern is so ingrained that it's my default for nearly everything. Today I decided I'm determined to "finish" something every hour. I can deal with this mild activation. Maybe it'll help repattern the default.

 

[sun seeker]

Sorry, still no advice, just some sympathy. How is your panic now?

Sorry... I was asking the wrong person. Just goes to show how well my brain is working... or not! Although, on a PTSD board, the likelihood of anyone on the board being in some version of a panic attack at any given moment is pretty high...

Ack. Sorry, I'll shut up now.

 

[sun seeker]

So T has shown how that response pattern is so ingrained that it's my default for nearly everything.

Very interesting, I never would have made that connection. Thank you, I learned something new.

 

[Intrepid]

I start something, then hit a wall and can't go any farther. I'm pretty used to it. I like the idea of it being a faulty circuit. That way I don't beat up on my self. Changing these faulty circuits is possible, but difficult. Really difficult.

 

[sun seeker]

So is this where the sense of helplessness comes from? An unfinished response to trauma that then becomes our default?

So much for me shutting up!

 

[Crow]

Ha @sun seeker ! :)

I'm sure that helplessness is definitely tied to the victimization. I also think for early childhood ptsd that attachments, or lack of, has a huge influence.

Thanks btw. This discussion has really qualmed my panic attack. It's fun :)

 

[DeadTired]

That's what my therapy has focused on......simply finishing the trauma response.

"Finishing".....

......not a popular trauma model
......not a widespread type of therapy
......and plenty of people think it's pure bunk

That's to say it's not an easy type of therapy to find. Finishing things now is different for me. It's about listening to my body's response and letting it lead the way. It's about knowing when to say when. Sometimes I push forward to finish, sometimes my body says "no, you need a break." The therapy un-stuck my mind, but it didn't/couldn't completely unstick my body and physical responses to stress still remain.

I say it's a success, although I wish my body would heal more. In time I suppose?

It's good to push yourself to finish things. It can help to retrain your brain. It can give you a sense of accomplishment.

 

[Friday]

When I'm in survival mode... I have absolutely no problem attending to things that daunt a lot of people. But the normal, everyday stuff? Pfft. It's like trying to convince my brain that instead of running out of the house that is on fire, I should really start another load of wash. Vacuum. Do my homework. All while the rafters are crashing down around me and everything is going up in flames.

Ummm... Does that mental image make sense to anyone? I hope not ;) Cause that's seriously crazy. Just calmly going about life as if my house weren't on fire.

But I bet most of us can relate to the sheer amount of effort it takes to even start, much less finish, everyday tasks... When the brain is screaming The house is on fire you damn moron! Stop that! Get your loved ones & GET OUT! But the house is fine. It's not on fire. Even if my brain is acting like it is, and dropping everything to attend to an emergency... Which isn't happening.

Every time I trip into survival mode? My list of shit to do gets lost.

***

The other piece of that, is that I am eminently distractible. For a fairly similar reason; if it grabs my attention in real survival? I need to do that. Now. In survival-mode? Same thing happens. To less effect :p No. I do not need to do that now! Mission-creep begone! This first. Then that. Sigh.

***

The incomplete circuit? Never thought of it like that :) Seems to describe the same process, tho!