So, today I was supposed to meet up with a guy I've recently hooked up with on friday night. We met about a month ago and got along quite well. He asked me out to a movie and then it never happened. He texted a few times to say he had gone and gotten drunk with his friends and was in no state to do anything, and I was fine with it. The last message was to tell me that he had tinnitus and some problems with his head and had trouble getting organised, and I never heard from him after that. It was a bit odd but I forgot about it and carried on.
On friday night I ran into this guy at my local bar, which I happened to drop into on the way home from work, on a whim. We hung out all night together and had fun, though I was not as drunk as he and his friends were. He shared a fair bit about himself with me, and I opened up about some stuff as well. He asked me how I came to have cptsd, and I shared some vague stuff, but didn't go into it too much. I was afraid of him judging me, and said nothing about the estrangement with my parents.
We went back to his place and fooled around but didn't have sex. The next day I left and we organised to go out again on tuesday, but he cancelled that again due to his head not being right again. I spoke with him last night and he said he was all ready to go today even if his head was dead. When I woke up at midday today I received a text saying he'd just gotten home and hadn't been to bed yet, but if I still wanted to go somewhere he was up for it, though he needed to sleep and was still hungover.
I texted back saying I was disappointed and a bit pissed off and would spend the day painting instead, as I want someone who will be present with me and not about to pass out from being too tired and hungover. I then spent the next couple of hours venting to friends and moping, crying and picking myself up again.
Who makes plans with someone they say they like and then goes out and writes themselves off with booze and drugs, and doesn't come home until an hour before the date is supposed to happen? Who does that...twice?
A friend on facebook suggested that I am conflicted. She said that one part of me wants to be with a man and the other doesn't, and I guess she is right. I know everyone can have these kinds of conflicts from time to time, in various forms, but I'm wondering how can I move past this to make my mind up, or alternatively, how can I come to some final decision so that I no longer am in conflict with it?
I want to cook for people again, and I thought maybe I would volunteer at a soup kitchen or something like that, as a way to get that need met. I felt like my need for attention isn't being met and it made me feel that I wasn't really his priority to him. I know his health issue is the main reason for his behaviour, and it is really affecting his life. I think he has ptsd, but the doctors can't seem to work out what is wrong with him?
I've processed a lot of the disappointment and pissed off feelings I had earlier in the day and gotten the tears out (mostly), and I know he does like me, but he's just a bit of a dickhead when it comes to making plans and then not thinking through the consequences of going out all night at 46 and getting wasted. He's 46!!! It's not like he is 18 and still experimenting with getting wasted. He has a 17 year old son!
I've given him 2 chances already and told him I'm not going to wait around for him. When he sorts his health issue out then he can call me, but this experience has left me feeling pretty bad and I can't believe it's been 3 dickheads I've met in the same place in the last year. I need to stop meeting men at this particular local pub...it never seems to turn out very well. Maybe I just attract dickheads?
On friday night I ran into this guy at my local bar, which I happened to drop into on the way home from work, on a whim. We hung out all night together and had fun, though I was not as drunk as he and his friends were. He shared a fair bit about himself with me, and I opened up about some stuff as well. He asked me how I came to have cptsd, and I shared some vague stuff, but didn't go into it too much. I was afraid of him judging me, and said nothing about the estrangement with my parents.
We went back to his place and fooled around but didn't have sex. The next day I left and we organised to go out again on tuesday, but he cancelled that again due to his head not being right again. I spoke with him last night and he said he was all ready to go today even if his head was dead. When I woke up at midday today I received a text saying he'd just gotten home and hadn't been to bed yet, but if I still wanted to go somewhere he was up for it, though he needed to sleep and was still hungover.
I texted back saying I was disappointed and a bit pissed off and would spend the day painting instead, as I want someone who will be present with me and not about to pass out from being too tired and hungover. I then spent the next couple of hours venting to friends and moping, crying and picking myself up again.
Who makes plans with someone they say they like and then goes out and writes themselves off with booze and drugs, and doesn't come home until an hour before the date is supposed to happen? Who does that...twice?
A friend on facebook suggested that I am conflicted. She said that one part of me wants to be with a man and the other doesn't, and I guess she is right. I know everyone can have these kinds of conflicts from time to time, in various forms, but I'm wondering how can I move past this to make my mind up, or alternatively, how can I come to some final decision so that I no longer am in conflict with it?
I want to cook for people again, and I thought maybe I would volunteer at a soup kitchen or something like that, as a way to get that need met. I felt like my need for attention isn't being met and it made me feel that I wasn't really his priority to him. I know his health issue is the main reason for his behaviour, and it is really affecting his life. I think he has ptsd, but the doctors can't seem to work out what is wrong with him?
I've processed a lot of the disappointment and pissed off feelings I had earlier in the day and gotten the tears out (mostly), and I know he does like me, but he's just a bit of a dickhead when it comes to making plans and then not thinking through the consequences of going out all night at 46 and getting wasted. He's 46!!! It's not like he is 18 and still experimenting with getting wasted. He has a 17 year old son!
I've given him 2 chances already and told him I'm not going to wait around for him. When he sorts his health issue out then he can call me, but this experience has left me feeling pretty bad and I can't believe it's been 3 dickheads I've met in the same place in the last year. I need to stop meeting men at this particular local pub...it never seems to turn out very well. Maybe I just attract dickheads?
