Confused By Supporter's (h's) Inconsistencies: Is It Deception?

[anthony]

Source: http://www.livestrong.com/article/136001-signs-your-husband-is-sociopath/

This is not accurate, and I am noticing a trend with people throwing "sociopath" around more and more lately.

Every single person on the planet has sociopathic tendencies, and I mean every single person. If you want to actually infer someone is a sociopath, then you are literally talking about:

• Antisocial Personality Disorder
• Histrionic Personality Disorder
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder

All of which these have formed prior to adulthood, typically due to severe abuse and neglect as a child. They are not annoying or relationship breakers, these are the serious end of the spectrum disorders.

These are not a tick and flick approach, just like any disorder. It is perfectly normal that adults go through many different behaviours in adulthood, just as children and teenagers... adulthood is an evolution of constant personality change. None of which constitutes sociopath, because that would have had formed prior to adulthood and the person would be extremely noticeable as an isolator and really one of those people who just never got in within the community or with others.

The above link is grandiose nonsense, with no clinical substance or viability, instead some upset woman who takes personality aspects and tries to apply them in adulthood and call the person a sociopath.

Sorry, it does not work that way. You don't become a sociopath in adulthood... it has already formed well before this in childhood years and follows through from early years all the way through. The person would have already been performing key severe behaviours in childhood and teen years, progressively getting more and more bold.

If that childhood formation is not present, then in adulthood it is nothing more than personality development changes, NOT sociopath.

 

[anthony]

You said "It is not nescicarily the husbands job to provide for ones family!"

I haven't read the above context this was taken from, though I actually do agree with zipper, and I think zipperhead accurately depicted this in his thread above:

It is not nescicarily the husbands job to provide for ones family! This isn't the 1950s here! My wife makes far more than I could ever hope to make, and with child care expenses sometimes it doesn't make finacial sense for both parents to work. Is caring for ones kids not a valuable contribution to society? I am reminded of another time, when women's place was in the home, and men often marginalised thier contributions. She's just a house wife! Really? Try it sometime and see how fast that day goes. Maybe someone else needs to grow up here, or at least move into the 1990s and accept that a caregiver is a valuable member of society.

SOL, it's like you are taking one aspect and trying to pick a fight to be perfectly honest. Zipperhead completely elaborated and IMHO, is quite accurate with what he wrote.

We are not in the 1950's, the man does not bring in the money and the wife stays home anymore. Most relationships require both people are working and equally raising the kids, who are often in daycare or grandparents chip in to look after them in the younger years.

This is very accurate of society today... sorry, but I agree with the full context of zippers posts, not just a small snippet extracted to argue about.

 

[Zipperhead]

This is really starting to get old. Okay, I now have two people abusing me and my opinions simply because I have stated that husbands can be the primary caregiver and work within the house. Simply because I stated that being the primary caregiver was in itself a valuable contribution to the family. I did not say that men should walk away from their responsibilities as some of you are suggesting.

I am the sufferer thank you, and I too pity my wife. Thank you all for the open hostility and demeaning comments. Please stop using my name in your posts. I do not appreciate the direct attacks. If you want to discuss my posts, please have the decency to send me a PM.

 

[Zipperhead]

Wow, that was quick. And appearantly you can send PMs with no option for the other person to respond to. Thank you for your continued abuse and insults.

 

[anthony]

Wow, that was quick. And appearantly you can send PMs with no option for the other person to respond to. Thank you for your continued abuse and insults.

Such things come with a report option if someone attacks you... even via PC, thus action can then be taken by staff.

 

[Zipperhead]

And threats of phisical violence to boot. You don't even know where I live there. Really? I'm out of here.

 

[anthony]

And threats of phisical violence to boot.

I will say again. Go to the PC, at the bottom there is a report function. If a person is threatening you via PC then that person will be banned from this website for violation of forum policies.

 

[anthony]

ScaredofLonely has been permanently banned due to threatening another member of this forum via personal conversation. Completely unacceptable behaviour by any member of this site.

 

[Powder]

Zipperhead,

I am sad that now I check back that your help, which has really been appreciated by my family, was a reason for your being attacked by another member. Obviously, this issue may have gotten the best of someone based on their past, but this is no way to respond to a member.

First of all, my H/Supporter and I were able to use your posts to generate a good conversation and provide a balanced perspective. I, for one, do appreciate your taking the time to offer it. I'm sorry you got this treatment for saying something that is not even controversial (or at least shouldn't be!). You did so as someone with real life experience and wisdom to offer and you also have the same kind of situation but with the PTSD being on the other foot, so to speak. That helped me to see that me having PTSD is not the only or the most glaring aspect of my problem in this family dynamic. Sometimes, it seems like it is everything, but it's just one factor.

Second, you reminded me how much determination and patience it takes to be taking care of children, and how important it really is. My home life taught me that there is no substitute for caring and attentive parents/caregivers. I didn't get that, so I want my kids to have it, and I will "pay any price" for it. Having him here means I don't have to wonder what is happening to my children. This lowers my stress to a large extent. I can't put a price on that.

Third, I am reminded how unrealistic my standards for myself and others can be. I have had to survive and thrive on very little over several years, so I have a hard time accepting that this is not "normal." I made myself be superwoman, getting perfect marks/grades and full ride scholarships and juggling sports and jobs and basically trying to prove I'm not a victim or that I am a good person, not the way I felt when being abused. I still have no idea how to see myself as "good" without proving it to myself daily through a backbreaking pace of life.

Last, this is catching up with me, and my health cannot take it. I am getting all kinds of physical problems, all stress related. Therefore, I think to myself that if he works, then I can work only one job, and try to balance myself before my health becomes permanently damaged. I may just be showing my age (34) or something, but I feel it is from too much stress, financial, and just from what I do each day.

I liked how you mentioned that life requires both parents to chip in. With my personality/workaholic issues, I expect him to chip in 120% like I do, but I only do this because of my issues, not because "I'm right." I know this, but I cannot "feel" it yet.

Anyways, I feel bad you were treated this way because of my thread. Sorry this happened to you. I don't think you did anything at all to deserve it.

 

[EloiseLandau]

I guess I don't understand. A primary caregiver for dependent children can be a mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandparent, nanny, older sibling, foster parent, godpaernt, adoptive parent, cousin, neighbor, governess, and etc.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Muse)))))

Hope you and your hubby can get some good time off, both apart and together, to 'recharge' your batteries.

I wish hubby and I had worked harder at that in our 30's. The toll on our bodies and relationship is a lot more expensive (& time-intensive) now, in our 40's.

The type of group that he volunteers with is generally known for their loyal, fun, close 'family' - at least, our volunteer agencies were. Maybe a potluck or BBQ or 'guy's night or something to help a connection be made might help with the isolation.

I had to 'schedule' a few but now, hubby's got a regular group he gets together with monthly and he seems much happier with something to look forward to, and talk about that doesn't involve potty-training or toddler talk.

I'm sorry my post about the sociopathic behavior wasn't helpful.

(((((Muse)))))

 

[mamachick]

zipper-I agree that it does not matter which parent is home with the children, but after daycare and expenses, it often makes sense for one parent to stay home, and there are advantages for the children-although I am absolutely not knocking families where both parents work.

If you paid someone to do all the jobs that the stay at home parent does, most of us could not afford it. It is often taken for granted but requires great organizational skills, tons of patience, and the ability to support others continuously. I did it and am grateful for the opportunity.