Coping strategies for intellectualism as avoidance?

[HealingInProcess]

I notice I have a strong tendency to fill my mind with thoughts and analysis and meta-analysis and on and on. I have been like this my whole life. My mind really struggles to just be still. I try and be aware when this is happening and still my thoughts and also try grounding. I do find these helpful sometimes but wanted to see if anyone had any other suggestions/thoughts?

Thanks

 

[Friday]

Try using it to your advantage by running the same thought through different filters.

Academic, professional, blunt, friendly, warm & fuzzy, wordy, concise, storytime, highlights, journalistic, funny, diplomatic, etc.

When I’m very relaxed or just being me, I’m concise as hell & very straightforward. That works in the military crowd, but not very many other places. And it assumes a level of trust / that if someone wants to know more? They’ll ask. So in everyday life I have to run the same statement through different filters, depending on my audience. :wtf: Not my favourite thing in the world. I don’t like using 50 words where 1 will do. But when I’m distressed those same filters provide a lot of distance between “me” and what I’m thinking / talking about. Whilst still allowing me to think/talk about it. So sometimes I can’t help it (FFS, another novel), and other times I’m doing it deliberately.

But by practicing running it through different filters? It gives me a lot more control/self awareness when I can’t help it. Either as a TBI thing, or an avoidance thing.

 

[Abstract]

Hi!
Yes have the same natural tendencies. I have travelled through a whole journey with this stuff and am presently at... I am not sure where.
Things I have observed en route are: it helped me distance myself and give myself a feeling of control as well help to minimise shame over my self perception of being affected, being weak etc during difficult situations and after.

Unfortunately I did it a lot in therapy too so was in a sense not connected when I should have been, in order to process and connect experiences and feelings. My idea of progress was to "logic" things and control them. Internally that is. That only got me so far.
Then I tried to break that down when I hit a crisis in therapy and realised I was horribly stuck(understatement). I am by nature very forceful and merciless with myself (as well as having the usual self hating issues) and ended up in a place where my main way of managing myself was reduced too quickly. That ended up creating another set of issues.

Now I am at a point where I appreciate the benefits of intellectualisation but never at the expense of engaging with the full reality of an experience. Emotions and authentic thoughts and all. It is that that in truth helps us to process trauma. It really helps to try to use your brain and understand what is happening but if not controlled and qualified by the other real stuff then it can keep us from healing.

So basically it can be a skill if used appropriately and wisely and shouldn't be totally discarded in my belief, but it can block real healing from trauma and real engagement and relationships with others if not checked.

Suggestions? Be patient with yourself as it probably helped you during trauma but maybe diarise and check in with your real unedited thoughts and feelings regularly and remind yourself that true healing comes from connection to and compassion for our experiences. We all have weaker areas and for some that be the logical element but the fundamentals of trauma processing are experiential.

 

[blackemerald1]

If you have been like this your whole life when thinking (trauma related or not)? Then it may be your natural way of slowly processing so it can be harnessed.

I too am like that and I definitely use it as an avoidance tool but my T and my psydoc both know this and they meet me at that place rather than fighting it? There is always something useful to learn even if it does take longer. I will do this before a therapy session if I have a lot of daily crap and pent up intellectual fairy floss hanging around. It helps me to focus on the reason I am in therapy and also my T and psydoc will do it with me, guiding me along if I am terribly scatty and wilfully avoiding work. But I do it at home and when feeling anxious too (which is why I may intellectualise sometimes too).

I try and be aware when this is happening and still my thoughts and also try grounding.

I've tried making my thoughts still but unfortunately more thoughts pile up and fall over the top of each other until it impossible for me to have one clear thought. So 'stilling my mind' doesn't work too well for me. I've never worked out how other people find it calming.. I find it really irritating.

So my technique is different. I put myself in a place where I don't have any interruptions (or I just feel generally ok) and let ALL thoughts, feelings blah, blah crap flow inwards.

I visualise I am a magnet for stupid, silly, intelligent, dumb, sensible, funny, fearful, present or historical thoughts and they are ALL welcome but they cannot stay..

I acknowledge them, as in ('welcome silly thought') and then visualise them passing through me and out into the ether... like steam... or lava (whatever my general mood is sort of dictates this visualisation stuff).

They (the thoughts) can circle around and come back if that's what they want to do but still they cannot stay.

I do not follow the thought path they are representing or tempting me to go down. I have to stay just with myself and allow all of them to pass. This is critical... let them go. You can bookmark thoughts as they come but for that moment they must still go.

Breathing fully and in a relaxing way is also important. Don't over breathe! Relax your body and no you don't have to sit like Buddha.

I find I cannot close my eyes.. idk why... so focusing on one single thing visually (apple) or button on my shirt - it doesn't matter... as long as it doesn't distract me from sitting still or make my eyes track it.... The thing cannot become the focus of my thinking - it's only a thing that I look at and concentrate on until the other thought's float in.

I usually hold a water bottle and have a drink when I get thirsty.

So the emphasis here is not on banishing thoughts but welcoming them all and letting them pass on.

You already do it everyday so it's not a skill that you must conquer but rather one you must recognise and utilise to help you identify the really important stuff laying underneath all of that intellectual chaff..

Oh.. and sometimes I am too overloaded with intelligent stuff (laughing at myself loudly) and I cannot keep still. This generally means I am in no mood for this technique in sitting and relaxing mode. If so, I go and do something physically demanding but not a brain drainer and let the thoughts come that way... It still works.

Hope this helps :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you familiar with DBT?

To me it sounds like you’re completely in rational mind and you need to move into wise mind

 

[Abstract]

To me it sounds like you’re completely in rational mind and you need to move into wise mind

This too is exactly what helped me. DBT around emotions and emotional states, the importance of each, and Wise Mind.

 

[HealingInProcess]

Are you familiar with DBT?

To me it sounds like you’re completely in rational mind and you need to move into wise mind

Nope what's that?

 

[EveHarrington]

Nope what's that?

It’s dialectical behavior therapy. It’s an offshoot of CBT, cognitive behavior therapy. It’s a therapy geared toward managing emotions. I sugggest googling it as it’s too much to explain in detail in a thread.

 

[HealingInProcess]

It’s dialectical behavior therapy. It’s an offshoot of CBT, cognitive behavior therapy. It’s a therapy geared toward managing emotions. I sugggest googling it as it’s too much to explain in detail in a thread.

Thanks I'm reading about it now.

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

Greetings,

A reply perhaps a bit different in tone, but one certainly not intended to provoke harm. I imagine that I embody some blend of habits of self-isolation with tendencies towards intellectualizing and embrace of removal activities not strictly accessible to the (very) few who might pass through my life. Certainly I'm not one who revels or cultivates ironic or cool outsider status, while much of that which I read deepens a felt sense of difference versus bridging what divide so commonly separates me from others. Know that frequently I feel trapped by the hope that I'll be accepted and not offend, while in the same breath exposing myself to much that fundamentally bewilders and upsets. In short, I'm not psychologically tough enough to enjoy conflict; i.e. I venture out, sense the horror, withdrawal triggered and deeply confused. Wash, rinse, repeat...

The 'what is to be done?' spin on this short message presumes that habits and tendencies consistent with intellectualizing much is something to be focused and channeled, even if a great many (or painfully few) will ever notice or record the how's and why's of what might also be framed as the embrace of process. Positive but also a great many negative aspects of my being won't stand to be hidden or strictly denied, hence it's always challenge to integrate what I constitute into something functional and real.

While not being anyone's model or template of life effectiveness as I write this, there is something to be said for not strictly apologizing to others for such an orientation consistent with a deep set desire to put matters in well-reasoned perspective. In the absence of live company equally rooted in literature consistent with equipping oneself with insights and concepts necessary to see a way forward, to negotiate hazards, etc., one can create and sustain habits of concerted study of much judged relevant. For myself, oftentimes 'the trauma speaks for me' given triggering and recall of much unsettling forever threatens to override whatever I might otherwise stand to communicate or express, this either in writing or in person. As might be guessed, I'm not 'worth much' in-person, struggling often to hold ground with many I silently disrespect given they aren't oriented to work to say something reasoned or strictly logical. So many are endowed with charisma to move a crowd, but so too can this lead to the undoing of a uncritical audience.

The challenge then is to 'use' the tendency towards intellectualization in tandem with an equally uncontrollable tendency to fall victim to traumatic recall as something of a research battering ram. In short, if the traumatic recall can't be stopped and the tendency to reach for all material that might lend coherent shape to overlapping and complex psychological dynamics isn't soon to be stilled - why fight it? There's something to be said for setting shame aside, appreciating too that a long and compelling study of the lives of various activists reveals personal trauma histories that motivated individuals to seek institutional and societal change of lasting merit. Framed in such a fashion, the labor of decades looking both forward and back can come into focus.

Few onlookers might strictly understand, but this is typical. One's private library grows to huge proportions, while much that might be written isn't guaranteed an audience, let alone a deeply-invested and topic-literate readership. No - I never feel strictly comfortable with the fact that so much within my head isn't stuff that I might readily speak of and share. Others aren't sensitized or ever-alert for they haven't equivalent or strictly comparable trauma histories that might be so suddenly tapped, or the circumstances of their lives hasn't allowed or often haven't required the embrace of topic study to strictly elevate their opinion of the worth of specialized knowledge of much. Cold - but true. Just because others are unfamiliar with the form and artist doesn't mean that which we embrace isn't music.

To toss in a coping strategy, sometimes I'll take some limited solace in the slow review of old Studs Terkel interview compilations; i.e. sociological works where people from often quite ordinary walks of life describe rather amazing personal journeys they've had, oftentimes of significant historical import. If little else on a daily basis will strictly communicate the worth of largely defenseless individuals challenged to make sense of circumstance, review of his many titles can help. At some point these works can be frustrating given that no one can be called upon to simply speak off the cuff absent reasoned acceptance of the complexity of much without sounding a bit silly, but the larger point of taking the quite varied experiences of quite common folk and using this to springboard an honest embrace of both humanity and society is something worth considering. As hard as it is sometimes, search for good will that might be reciprocated, and have faith in that.

M.

 

[maryiscontrary]

oh my God, I totally hear you. I have deeply messed up parts of my frontal lobe being in constant analysis. This habit needs to be broken as soon as possible. Let me explain to you what's happening.
this is a type of dissociation. In that this is a defensive mechanism that is kicking in because of some sort of Intolerable pain. like I said, this mechanism can be an incredible gift, but if overused like a muscle, it will lead to a nervous breakdown where it is nearly impossible to do any purposeful activity. It's like add from hell.
Understand that the frontal lobe is our most fragile part of our brain. It is the latest to come on on The evolutionary scene, and it is the first to go down in flames when there is high stress in the form of persistently High cortisol.
Every single mental illness that exists is due to some sort of breakdown in the functioning of the frontal lobe. It is like having a Ferrari, if you treat it well and give it a lot of love and upkeep, the performance is incredible. But if you don't, it goes to s*** real quick.
I don't know if this helps, but I thought I would throw in my two cents. I deeply understand where you are coming from. I have screwed up my eyes from reading and studying so much

 

[shatter eyes]

Greetings,

A reply perhaps a bit different in tone, but one certainly not intended to provoke harm. I imagine that I embody some blend of habits of self-isolation with tendencies towards intellectualizing and embrace of removal activities not strictly accessible to the (very) few who might pass through my life. Certainly I'm not one who revels or cultivates ironic or cool outsider status, while much of that which I read deepens a felt sense of difference versus bridging what divide so commonly separates me from others. Know that frequently I feel trapped by the hope that I'll be accepted and not offend, while in the same breath exposing myself to much that fundamentally bewilders and upsets. In short, I'm not psychologically tough enough to enjoy conflict; i.e. I venture out, sense the horror, withdrawal triggered and deeply confused. Wash, rinse, repeat...

The 'what is to be done?' spin on this short message presumes that habits and tendencies consistent with intellectualizing much is something to be focused and channeled, even if a great many (or painfully few) will ever notice or record the how's and why's of what might also be framed as the embrace of process. Positive but also a great many negative aspects of my being won't stand to be hidden or strictly denied, hence it's always challenge to integrate what I constitute into something functional and real.

While not being anyone's model or template of life effectiveness as I write this, there is something to be said for not strictly apologizing to others for such an orientation consistent with a deep set desire to put matters in well-reasoned perspective. In the absence of live company equally rooted in literature consistent with equipping oneself with insights and concepts necessary to see a way forward, to negotiate hazards, etc., one can create and sustain habits of concerted study of much judged relevant. For myself, oftentimes 'the trauma speaks for me' given triggering and recall of much unsettling forever threatens to override whatever I might otherwise stand to communicate or express, this either in writing or in person. As might be guessed, I'm not 'worth much' in-person, struggling often to hold ground with many I silently disrespect given they aren't oriented to work to say something reasoned or strictly logical. So many are endowed with charisma to move a crowd, but so too can this lead to the undoing of a uncritical audience.

The challenge then is to 'use' the tendency towards intellectualization in tandem with an equally uncontrollable tendency to fall victim to traumatic recall as something of a research battering ram. In short, if the traumatic recall can't be stopped and the tendency to reach for all material that might lend coherent shape to overlapping and complex psychological dynamics isn't soon to be stilled - why fight it? There's something to be said for setting shame aside, appreciating too that a long and compelling study of the lives of various activists reveals personal trauma histories that motivated individuals to seek institutional and societal change of lasting merit. Framed in such a fashion, the labor of decades looking both forward and back can come into focus.

Few onlookers might strictly understand, but this is typical. One's private library grows to huge proportions, while much that might be written isn't guaranteed an audience, let alone a deeply-invested and topic-literate readership. No - I never feel strictly comfortable with the fact that so much within my head isn't stuff that I might readily speak of and share. Others aren't sensitized or ever-alert for they haven't equivalent or strictly comparable trauma histories that might be so suddenly tapped, or the circumstances of their lives hasn't allowed or often haven't required the embrace of topic study to strictly elevate their opinion of the worth of specialized knowledge of much. Cold - but true. Just because others are unfamiliar with the form and artist doesn't mean that which we embrace isn't music.

To toss in a coping strategy, sometimes I'll take some limited solace in the slow review of old Studs Terkel interview compilations; i.e. sociological works where people from often quite ordinary walks of life describe rather amazing personal journeys they've had, oftentimes of significant historical import. If little else on a daily basis will strictly communicate the worth of largely defenseless individuals challenged to make sense of circumstance, review of his many titles can help. At some point these works can be frustrating given that no one can be called upon to simply speak off the cuff absent reasoned acceptance of the complexity of much without sounding a bit silly, but the larger point of taking the quite varied experiences of quite common folk and using this to springboard an honest embrace of both humanity and society is something worth considering. As hard as it is sometimes, search for good will that might be reciprocated, and have faith in that.

M.

You are a great writer. Thank you.
I do notice myself intellectualizing often. Even when in hiding mode i would read science journals and law. It takes my mind away from pain and most times i learn something new but when i over use it..i end up seizing or get extreme brain fog.

Never thought this was a coping mechnism...