Relationship Coping Strategies - The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

[Wastinglight]

A discussion on another thread got me thinking about strategies for dealing with issues within a relationship. This sort of stuff gets discussed a lot on an ad hoc basis in many threads, but I thought it might be good to have a place to share with others the specifics of how we cope (productively and not-so-productively), and maybe encourage some further discussion and exchange of ideas (and maybe a giggle or two). Apologies if this is covered in another thread – I haven’t seen one so far.

Here are my current strategies for dealing with issues that come up in my relationship.

On a good day:

I ask myself these questions.

1. Have I established clear boundaries on this issue (based on important, realistic stuff like my core values)?

2. Is my sufferer’s behaviour crossing these boundaries?

3. Is this really about my sufferer’s behaviour, or is it about my own fears/insecurities/trust issues/unrealistic expectations?

4. Is there a way that I can change my mindset/expectations on this issue (provided boundaries are not crossed) and/or find a more productive way to approach the issue?

By the time I’ve worked through this list, I’m usually half way to resolving the situation (provided I’m being truly honest with myself about what's going on), or at least, staying calm enough to take some positive steps.

On a bad day:

The sky is falling! THE SKY IS FALLING! Buk buk bukAAAAArk!

(Cue mass consumption of chocolate bars and icecream)


I would add that my approach is largely based on the sound and helpful advice provided by many members of this community, so thank you all!

Anyone else like to share?

 

[dlp63]

Good Day:
I am trying to keep the focus that it is not in my control how she reacts during a trigger. patience(my hardest thing) compassion and space (another hard thing for me) helps my sufferer cope.

we haven't sat down and set boundries but seeing how so many do I am hoping we can set some.

Bad Day:
yeah that's the biggest hurdle for us.

 

[HEART BROKEN]

I find it very hard to keep up emotionally bouncing back and forth from the good to the bad days, especially when there are more bad than good. Comfort food is my companion more than I care to admit. We are working on boundaries I suppose, but we are not there yet. He is attempting to work through his trauma with therapy, so our relationship has been put on hold. By being on hold I mean I do everything, he can only handle going to work and band practice (his outlet), so for now I am a one women household. He is totally disocciated from me. I learned last night in therapy that I emotional compensate for all those in my life that are underemotional (my father, my first husband, and current husband). I'm exhausted. I pray a lot as much as I can and I believe in the love taught through Jesus, but I question myself daily.

I suppose I carried on. Apologies.....

 

[darrenS]

I am trying to develop strategies, its pretty difficult eh ? , on good days , I'm just damn thankful its a good day and don't question it but rather try to maintain it. On a bad day , I just try to get through it as best as I can , continually reminding myself that I am the only one I have and have to treat myself with whatever kindness I can find in the black hole

 

[Deleted member 27340]

Good day:
Make a piece of art about it while thinking, or climbing while thinking.

Bad day:
Self-harm, cry, panic, sleep.

 

[Mit]

On a bad day I am awash with waves of fear and panic and feel tearful, at it's very worst I think about suicide because the raw emotions (not the thoughts) are so awful and I just want to escape them.

At these times nothing really makes much difference, but a hug from my ever patient and understanding partner helps get me through it. I also try some mindfulness meditation. I don't practice it as I ought to but even a feeble attempt can help me a bit. Not being alone is a help. A walk, a coffee in a quite spot, and sometimes a bloody good cry helps too.

On a good day I don't have any conscious fears, no panic and the lead weight feeling in my chest isn't there. I don't ever feel happy or uplifted at the moment, but I remain hopeful that one day soon these sorts of emotions will come back to me.

 

[MorningDove]

Good day: revel in it, relive every moment, celebrate progress

Bad day: practice stillness (helps the storm go around me,) make different memories elsewhere, mourn/acknowledge the loss of innocence and pray for continued healing.

 

[Mit]

@MorningDove Sounds good to me, sounds beautiful..

 

[Sweetpea76]

On a bad day:

The sky is falling! THE SKY IS FALLING! Buk buk bukAAAAArk!

(Cue mass consumption of chocolate bars and icecream)

Glad to see I'm not the only one who has those days. Sometimes it's a "sneak a beer and cigarette behind the shed" kinda day too.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Good day

Live it, love it, cuddle him lots, make plans for the future.

So-so day

Lots of cuddles, lots of tv, and lots of mashed potato.

Bay day

Kiss him, tell him I love him, back off and give him space.

Really bad day

Kiss him, tell him I love him, back off and give him space, cry. Remind myself of all of the good, so-so and even bad days. Remind myself that the number of good and so-so days outnumber the really bad days. Remind myself of how far he, and we, have come since the beginning, and how the balance of good v bad days has shifted so much in a positive way.

 

[Bukowski25]

Thank you for sharing this!

 

[Bukowski25]

@Purplemunchkin "Kiss him, tell him I love him, back off and give him space, cry. Remind myself of all of the good, so-so and even bad days. Remind myself that the number of good and so-so days outnumber the really bad days. Remind myself of how far he, and we, have come since the beginning, and how the balance of good v bad days has shifted so much in a positive way."

That is beautiful. Realizing how far he (and we) have come gives me strength on bad days.