Coping With Relapse?

[Reaching4thestarrs]

My first major relapse (with awareness) began about five days ago... I keep telling myself 'it's just a relapse' and to be fully cognizant of what is trauma related emotions coming forward and yet little to no control over their affect is the most surreal and yet reality check at the same time. This is my new 'normal'

And yes, it's worse than I pretended or thoughts or wanted everyone to think or perhaps believed it was. I feel like I am watching an alter version of myself play out until these very real but trigger related emotions are gone.

It reminds me of the old anti drug slogan: this is your brain... this is your brain on drugs.

This me... this is me on PTSD or more accurately (PTSD on me)

And it stinks!!!

How to adjust and cope?

 

[Powder]

I hear you. I've been getting angry at people, which is not normal for me. I'm sort of feeling like snapping at people that don't deserve it. I'm taking things they are saying as crossing some kind of line. I don't seem to see in the moment that they are not doing anything and it's me.

I feel like my emotional barometer is just "off."

Then, when it's way off, I feel just like you said, like some other me is running the emotional show.

Keep in mind, this isn't just dissociation. It can be hyper-arousal or being "activated," which is one of the major criteria for PTSD diagnosis. So, yeah, it's PTSD.

How do we climb down off this horse? Sometimes you gotta figure out first how you got on it in the first place. Track those stress sources and figure out coping from there?

Or do you do the coping and when feeling better, then find out what did it?

 

[Reaching4thestarrs]

I hear you. I've been getting angry at people, which is not normal for me. I'm sort of feeling like snappin...

"Activated" that's it exactly.
It feels like every atom of my being suddenly became activated and stuck in a cage of fear and anxiety:(

Your insight is soothing and encouraging. Thank you!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

One moment at a time...stay out of the past, and do something you enjoy. Watch movies, and accept that a "new normal" is ok. We all change with time.

Allow yourself to "feel", it's sometimes healthier to let the tears fall. Or YELL out your anger, or hit pillows...

MOST of all, FORGIVE YOURSELF for ANY feeling. They just ARE. Not good or bad...
just feel. Even when you would rather not!

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can, and
The Wisdom to know the difference.

If you don't believe in God...Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom are good to meditate on.

I am just "brainstorming" hoping something will help. You are NOT BAD! Feelings aren't bad. You are allowed to feel ANY way you feel. This can be hard, if you "learned", like I did, that all negative feelings are bad.

Now, I know that feelings ARE. Swallowing them, or running away from them is not healthy.

Blessings to you!

 

[Powder]

I'm glad you can take some comfort.

I just emailed about how I sort of reacted badly to a student today. I did catch myself and make up for it, but I still was beating myself up and am really tired from that.

Once you get that you didn't choose PTSD or those feelings, they are just there, part of life, then you forgive yourself for being human and having limits to what you can tolerate.

Hugs and permission to say "I'm a good person; I'm okay; I'm doing my best; this too will pass." :hug:

 

[BlueOrange]

Relapses are an essential part of the healing process, but damn, they hurt. That pain is just as real as any other, and it's a signal that means "I need help."

It seems to me that you're doing the right things. Keep on taking care of yourself and accessing help.

 

[Kolten]

What u try and do is remember I can only control what I am personally in control of..like eating. Sleeping. Taking a shower etc. Once u are mindful of what u Only can control and keep ur focus on doing the best u can with that u may feel a bit more at ease I hope. Good luck!

 

[Ironlady]

I can't really add much more than what has already been said but what I will do is give a voice to whatever is coming up. This can mean simply listening to certain kinds of music, writing poetry, jounaling.. the thing is at least for myself if those energies are told to stop it only makes it worse... but if I channel it into something it can help.. does it help every time? No.. sometimes the only thing that needs or can be done is breathe, eat and sleep and cry, scream, or punch pillows until it eases up. Often it will churn until I go to my T.. then it will be safely released in spurts there even if I don't realize it.. until a week or a month later I'm ok again and found me feet. it's a constant cycle of up, down, sideways, backwards, upside down..

 

[lostforgottensoul]

give a voice to whatever is coming up.

Yes!! If not a voice then an image or a song or a video. Something to express the feeling! That's so important in my therapy!

My PTSD Sourcebook states to feel the emotion, name the emotion (and express the emotion) let the emotion pass, then go deeper! That last part was very difficult for me. I fought with it for a year or so. But eventually I was able to investigate it, understand it, process it and the trauma connected to it (if any), and heal more then orginally. That 'go deeper' is what leads to addtl healing for me.

 

[Ironlady]

Yes!! If not a voice then an image or a song or a video. Something to express the feeling!...

Yes.. I'm an artist so painting is also a good form too! Really anything creative is a big help no matter what form it takes.

I'm doing a similar thing. It's taken awhile to get here. Lol its very helpful indeed! I agree!

 

[Freedomfighter]

My first major relapse (with awareness) began about five days ago... I keep telling myself '...

Iam still in stages where I don't even recognize which stage Iam in. I usually just try to cope with the huge anxieties Iam faced with. To me therapy is hell, but I will use more of my own at home therapies too in order to get a footing. PTSD is hell.

 

[Reaching4thestarrs]

What u try and do is remember I can only control what I am personally in control of..like eating. Sleepi...

This is so true! I keep telling myself just to be still and that these feelings aren't related to present day danger and don't actually require action. But convincing my mind and body of this if this is quite a chore! Thank you so much. Sometimes it just helps having confirmation that what we are already doing to cope is

Iam still in stages where I don't even recognize which stage Iam in. I usually just try to cope...

i am sorry that you too are suffering, and sorry to admit that the word he'll is a word I'm beginning to identify PTSD with. I have been living with it for some time now whilst likely in somewhat of denial to the capacity at which it could run rampant in my life. I have been able to manage it mostly well until now. Although, my environment is highly controlled- and capable of giving a false sense of healing and progress, I believed that my awareness of this meant I somehow knew and understood what I could manage and face down. After three weeks of believing I may have finally mostly beat this thing - my momentum was lost as I entered into a relapse. This is the first "big" and recognizeabke relapse for me and it has been an eye opener and really knocked the wind out of my sails. I wasn't prepared for this. And despite knowing I haven't truly lost ground in terms of progress and that this is just a dip in the road.. it feels like everything has been lost. It seems just when you reach the top of what seemed like a mountain to reach... you realize it was just an ant hill (however great and tremendous progress that took all the effort of climbing a mountain) but in arriving... you realize you've only scratched the surface. For myself; what took a year and half to achieve and what felt like reaching the plateau was really just REMOVING MYSELF FROM THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT/TRAUMA- only now am I learning that in this journey to overcoming or learning to live a functional and mageable life with PTSD, that there's not one plateau. There's not one mountain. The extent of my injury was multifaceted and prolonged and this journey will be up and down. But we must not forget the progress we've made!!!!