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Cptsd, Middle Age, And Starting Over

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Hi Jakalyndee,

I'm doing ok today thanks. I hope you are too?

I can understand how you got triggered sharing your story and wouldn't be surprised if it happens often on here.

Regarding "ego states", I am guessing here but that person may have been referring to a type of therapy called "transaction analysis" or T/A for short. Basically the premise of this type of therapy is that we have a personality which has three ego states: a "Parent" (the SuperEgo), a "Child" (the Id) and an "Adult" (the Ego) inside us and we fluctuate between these ego states all the time. You can find out more about it by searching on the Net.

I have done a lot of T/A therapy and generally found it helpful.

Wishing you a PTSD-symptom-free day Jakalyndee!

Johnny
 
Firstly, welcome to the forum Jakalyndee.
Relating to people, and trying to be a part of the world again.
This is easier than you may think... takes a little work, but its actually not to difficult to achieve.

All of this is achieved through exposure therapy. Set yourself tasks, very small ones, and accomplish them.

Mission: Trying to be part of the world again.
Aim: To communicate with people and become sociable within the world again.
Method: What do I do already, but instead of talking with people, I shy away and keep to myself? Grocery shopping! (could be anything relevant to your life)
Task: Next time I go shopping, I am going to identify something I know about, or question something I don't know about.

This could entail, raising a spur of the moment discussion with somone picking carrots, and asking them how to know which ones are good and which ones are bad.

You could compliment a stranger in line on a perfume, ask them where they get their hair or nails done, as you like the look, etc.

There are are myriad of minor small ways you can achieve this. You can go hop onto public transport, a bus, train, etc, really going nowhere, but specifically just to sit near a stranger and spark a conversation.

The best conversations are things you know about, and things you identify you know about or want to know about that the person has or states. Going to a football game as an example, you can easily identify and assume someone wearing team colours go for that team. If you know the history of that team, then spark up a conversation with them about the team, this seasons events, games, etc.

Outcome: It only has to be small, it only has to be seconds to begin with, then progress to minutes and even into lengthy conversations with perfect strangers. The point is, you reaffirm to yourself each time, you accomplished the task, nothing bad happened by talking with a person, and if it did, was that their fault or mine? Don't take blame for things you do not own. Even when you fail, try try again, because you will succeed. Use that success to then motivate yourself to improve further... progressively improving your social skills, join a social group that interests you, go help out for an hour to two at a local nursing home, as aged people love to have a good chat with someone who wants to talk and listen, all whilst doing something good for someone else, being companionship, which you also happen to be seeking.

Motivation and just getting yourself past the first step to take a form of action.

I am trying to get the courage to take college courses to give me a chance to be independant. I am trying to make a decision on WHAT courses to take, for cryin out loud. Making choices is a horrible struggle for me. And being 56 in a class full of 18-20 year olds is intimidating.
They are just as intimidated often as you are. You would be quite surprised these days just how many aged people are back at school, part-time, full-time and external correspondence. I am one of them myself, back in study at just about 40 years of age.

Again, use the above process, pickup the phone, make a call, ask questions, get a package sent out, make enquiries, visit a campus, see what external delivery is available, etc etc. Stop thinking and just do.

Talking about doing achieves nothing, actually doing is what provides us our self confidence and self worth to continue doing.

Five and half years ago, I talked about running a forum about PTSD to help people globally... and then I did it. Think, plan, execute. Without the execution part, the rest is useless. Failure is part of life, just don't dwell on it, use it as experience to improve the next attempt.

Your age would provide you greater wisdom and life experience than I have... you're just falling down in self confidence and esteem.
 
I could also add onto this... back in 2003 when hit with PTSD myself, knowing nothing about it, and far from accepting my brain was going to rule my life for me... I went through bad years, but then progressively chose to improve. Whilst I have tried to work again over the years, I simply failed and had to accept I wasn't ready. I am even better again now, and back where you want to be yourself... getting educated again, for me, mental health field as that is my passion now, but it can be anything you desire... the only thing that is stopping you, is you. I have severe, bordering complex trauma at times, yet with many years hard work, and using acceptable time frames to achieve things, I wakeup daily believing I will. I may fail in the future... but I will learn from it, accept, and push differently then and direct myself how I need to in order to succeed with PTSD.

Plenty have done it, some think they're doing it, but are causing more damage than good and will improve or get worse based on their decisions, some just don't try and instead only talk about it... PTSD is PTSD, nothing you can do about that, but you do get to control your actions even with PTSD. We actually do get to choose who we want to be, PTSD is just part of us and may limit us, but it doesn't stop us being who we want to be.

It may take me 10+ years to get the level of post-graduate qualifications I want due to only being capable of doing x hours per week vs. people without PTSD being able to study all week, but I will achieve it little by little, and so can you. Start small and work your way up, which is exactly what I am doing now... starting at Diploma, once done and proved to myself I can do it, work on graduate, then post-graduate and so forth, back into life and work, always mindful of maintaining my own health though along the way due to accepting I have severe PTSD that can kick my arse if I don't manage it well.

I believe you can do all of the above if you really want to.
 
Thanks for writing to me Anthony.

Today I took another step soon after I read your post. I will be starting classes, both online and in a regular community college setting, perhaps as soon as next week. I could have procrastinated another day, but you remind me that it’s far to easy to sit here in my house, be afraid and regret that life is passing me by. You also remind me that my Therapist sent me on my way with a very similar pep talk and a warning that the next time I see him, I better be enrolled in school! Thank you for the helpful kick in the butt!

I am far less anxious about starting the classes than I was about taking the necessary actions, and making the decisions I knew I had to make. What you said about having to accept that PTSD may make you go a little slower to get your degrees is something I need to keep in my mind and not get frustrated. I went to college in my early twenties, and I had to work way harder than the others in my class. Add another 30 years of PTSD to that aging brain -wow. I need to see this whole thing as a long overdue gift, and let myself go slower than I had planned.

Thank you for pushing through your own PTSD and starting this Forum. This is the first time I’ve persisted in getting support and I’m glad you’re here - all you people who know what it‘s like.

It has been part of my PTSD that asking for help is a very “bad” thing to do. This is helping me work through that huge and very common lie.

Right now I’m wondering if my posts are too long? Sorry if I’m going overboard. I haven’t had time to look around at all the advice on how other people do this. -Jackalyn-
 
Hi Jakalyn,

Congratulations on your decision to enroll yourself in school - both online and in college. That's a big step and you took it. Way to go!!!

Personally, I don't find your posts are too long - not at all.

Johnny
 
Thank you for saying that. I sure do appreciate your feedback!
 
Hi Jakalyndee! Welcome. It looks like you are going to be an inspiration to a lot of us!!!Congrats on taking such action and being proactive. :)
 
hey good for you on the starting of school. I am sorry to hear about yoru traumas and your husband. Aspergers syndrome is no laughing matter in and of itself and I hope that you are able to understand that while he may seem emotionally distant, it is an illness just like PTSD and you cannot blame yourself. I think this is a pretty cool place and I do not think that about too many places but I think you will find some neat people here and hopefully some really good support because there's loads of it in this forum.
Best of Luck to you and God Bless
 
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