Crippling sense of worthlessness

[Casey_03]

I seem to be in the midst of a very long emotional flashback - that keeps getting worse. I feel like a cockroach, like I am somehow beneath everyone else. I can't shake this feeling that all of my co-workers dislike me, if not hate me, and I don't know why. This feeling has gotten so bad that I'm tempted to cancel a long-awaited meeting I have this weekend with my ex-boyfriend. The meeting is supposed to bring some closure and test whether or not we can be friends. But going in, I just keep thinking I'm so beneath him that it's not even worth meeting. It seems like all of my co-workers have surpassed me professionally; I'm still at the same old job while my ex moved on to a prestigious, high-paying job. I don't even see the point of talking to other human beings anymore, I feel like I'm just not one of them.

 

[theotherside]

I feel this way too..sorry and i wish i had advice for you but all i can say is i hope things get better for you

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Casey,
Feelings are valid - in the sense that you certainly have them

but,

they don't always accurately reflect reality (you can chuckle at the thought of a purple elephant that has hairy ears - even though no such animal ever existed in the real world).

does the children's board game "snakes and ladders" have the same name in the u s ?

you throw the dice and move your marker along the squares, if you land on a ladder you climb up it, closer to the finish, if you land on a snake, you slide down it...

Careers are a little like that. I haven't earned more than subsistence in five years (mind, I'm not saying that you'll go isolating that long, you've acknowledged that you have PTSD and found help here, I didn't...) The job I'm starting, I'm taking over from a guy who was still at college when I already had 10 years experience, a masters and chartered status and...

from what you've written here, you are bi lingual in two of the more important languages, you have drive and integrity. you have obvious qualities

It's a bit of a zen art to visualize achievements as a chalk line on the floor. don't worry about what length anyone else's is, simply keep extending your own in ways that you are comfortable with.

I don't know what to suggest about the meeting with your ex - you know best what it might be like. if you are feeling down, there is no harm in putting it off without giving him an indication of time.

 

[Sweet Girl]

Casey, been there, felt that and feeling it again. You are not alone, these feelings are very difficult to overcome but you can overcome them. Rather than focusing on everyone else, try to focus on what you've accomplished, like how far you've come in your job while trying to deal with PTSD. The people you are comparing yourself to more than likely do not have this disadvantage, and the fact that you're going through the PTSD emotional roller coaster and are still employed is a huge accomplishment!

Your co-workers may or may not like you, I can't say for sure, but I know when I've felt like this about my job, my close co-workers always reassured me it wasn't true and tried to point out the reasons why. Look for the good things they are saying or doing for you, sometimes, especially when in this space it's super easy to lose site of any positive words or actions from others.

As far as your boyfriend, do what you feel is right. If you are not in a good space and need to postpone, that does not make you bad person, on the contrary, it shows the courage you have to take care of yourself and others. If you feel up to it, do it, just don't do it out of obligation.