Crippling Shame And Vocal Tics

Teasel

Not Active
I have a motor tic too - my head jerks back to the left any time i get close to thinking about the abuse I've experienced. Don't get it any other time at all.

The physical tic I've had ever since a therapist asked me to replay the abuse in my mind. The verbals came a lot later. All of the verbals though I think are things I do feel. You too?
 
P

professorialfellow

I have a really big problem with shame/cringing. I know this is just residue from the emotional abuse and I could silently work on it...If it wasn't for the vocal 'tics' that I've developed in the last year and a bit.

Basically you know when you cringe and you out of reflex say something like "OH GOD KILL ME NOW" or similar? I do that all the time when I'm by myself or have been around someone for too long (and lose my control of holding them in) and it really causes me distress. Not just the tics in themselves but the thoughts causing them. I feel constantly haunted by the ghost of f*ck ups past. I cringe nearly literally all the time so I am at constant risk of ticking. I used to keep it under wraps around people who aren't in my circle but I've started whispering them pretty much whenever now.

To make matters worse, the tics always say really awful thing. Pretty much always suicidal "I want to die now." Sometimes begging for help. Saying I'm a bad person. Saying I'm a good person once in a while. I feel like I'm possessed and whoever's voice it is wants me to die. Or is begging for help. It makes no sense.

I told my psych but she doesn't seem to be taking me seriously. Told her at that point it was at it's worst in the car (it's now just whenever.) She seemed to mistake it for road rage. Idk, I didn't want to push it because I started to doubt myself. I am literally going crazy here. Is this possibly a form of flashback? Is this a known phenomenon at all in the PTSD community? I'm so lost.

Hey there,

I had vocal tics for two years. I found it had to breathe some times as I would say this one word over and over uncontrollably. Sometimes thousands of time per day. it was also connected to looping thoughts of shame that I had after being bullied for a long time at work.
 

niceaspie

New Here
I have a really big problem with shame/cringing. I know this is just residue from the emotional abuse and I could silently work on it...If it wasn't for the vocal 'tics' that I've developed in the last year and a bit.

Basically you know when you cringe and you out of reflex say something like "OH GOD KILL ME NOW" or similar? I do that all the time when I'm by myself or have been around someone for too long (and lose my control of holding them in) and it really causes me distress. Not just the tics in themselves but the thoughts causing them. I feel constantly haunted by the ghost of f*ck ups past. I cringe nearly literally all the time so I am at constant risk of ticking. I used to keep it under wraps around people who aren't in my circle but I've started whispering them pretty much whenever now.

To make matters worse, the tics always say really awful thing. Pretty much always suicidal "I want to die now." Sometimes begging for help. Saying I'm a bad person. Saying I'm a good person once in a while. I feel like I'm possessed and whoever's voice it is wants me to die. Or is begging for help. It makes no sense.

I told my psych but she doesn't seem to be taking me seriously. Told her at that point it was at it's worst in the car (it's now just whenever.) She seemed to mistake it for road rage. Idk, I didn't want to push it because I started to doubt myself. I am literally going crazy here. Is this possibly a form of flashback? Is this a known phenomenon at all in the PTSD community? I'm so lost.



Hi, I'm happy to have found this thread, but sorry you experience this too, I hope you've found some relief since you posted this.
I have it too, it feels like the most intense, repetitive, physical cringe - like an electric shock. And the involuntary, repetitive vocal outbursts of self-abuse or single negative words. I've also caught myself muttering in front of a cpl of people & I can tell they noticed. It makes me feel like I'm truly going mad.

I'm trying to get to the bottom of it, I have c-PTSD from childhood trauma, family violence at home & spiritual abuse in a born-again christian cult, & then a bunch of toxic relationships in my adult years. I'm also aspergers, very sensitive.

When I tried talking to the social worker I'm seeing right now, she just suggested I watch meditation videos online every day...
As if I've never tried that before. GP's simply have no idea what I'm talking about when I've tried explaining to them, they usually just express sympathy.

I started seeing counsellers & psych's (both kinds) weekly, right throughout my mid 20's - 30's. I've talked so much about the trauma already, I've tried my best to be a "good out-patient," & therapists tell me i'm very self-aware & smart, but these physical symptoms persist!

I'm wondering if it's more a symptom of being aspie, as in, is it a common ASD (or ADHD) response to trauma?
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
After being battered and raped, I had daily eye and right side of the face facial tics. Extreme fear will get them going again. I also had noticeable spasms. Pain kept inside will leak out physically.
 
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