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Crippling Shame And Vocal Tics

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this one is a pretty big facter for me as well. i had very bad motor tics as a child and i still have to suppress them as a adult. i used to roll my eyes really hard and wrinkle my nose and purse my lips and things. i also have with i still have it with my shoulders and hands and things. i rub my legs and touch my own face and shoulders compulsevely and things.

or i jerk and twitch and things. it is pretty noticeble. if i try hard i can suppress it. but specially during flash backs and if i get stressed triggered all that. my instinct is that it is abuse the way you see animels will do that like a bird plucks its own feathers or self harm or what not. mine is linked to similer sensations of wishing to self harm.

that there is so much energy and emotion within me that does not know how to contane itself. i have also a bad problem with stuttering (i beleve it is called psychogenic stuttering). it gets real bad when i am upset. my verbal fluency is pretty poor in generel but as i grow older it has gotten easier. but when i am upset? all bets are off and i become a neurotic animel looking thing.

pretty embarressing ultimetly because it feels child like. but i suppose that is what those behavhiers get encoded, like a way of self soothing. all this pain is real hard to cope with and so the body and brain does all kinds of things to try and mitegate it and make it bearable!
It seems like most people have them start in childhood yes. Though for me it started as an adult. I realised I'm not sure if yours started as a child ir not @grief Are they always around at similar levels or does it vary?

I've not been having the physical tic so much lately but the verbal tics are hugely present.

For a lot of years it seemed like they would only occur when I was on my own but now they do sometimes come out when I'm in public / around others.

Yesterday it was mostly a falsetto voice saying I want to cry, or cry cry cry. All day pretty much.

Similar today untill about an hour ago when it changed to the word angry. I was feeling angry too.

Myself I haven't been feeling like I want to cry in the past couple days tho.

It sort of feels sometimes like some part of me that's suppressed is the one talking and I myself feel detached from whatever is under the surface.

Like as if I can lightly detect a reaction to something but only in a rational way.


I've been having the verbal tic a lot here at the refuge.
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