Crisis Line Is No Use

[corvidae]

full support on that front; stabbing and/or ripping up things that need recycling has been very helpful to me. go for it.

 

[OneToughCookie]

@sun seeker, yesterday I wrote something very similar. I'm at the end of my rope, too. Today I looked up the warning signs of suicide - you're exhibiting a ton of them, even more than I. Most of the reason I considered it seriously was the threat of not being able to work. My symptoms were worsening, and I felt that if I don't have the energy or the clarity of thought to be able to do something of value, and just sleep most of the day, then I really don't have any purpose. I read what people had to say about calling a suicide hotline, and decided against it. I saw your post, and realized, even if I can't work or make a big difference with my life, I can still do some good by sticking it out with you and by changing your mind. I don't know why PTSD, anorexia, depression, and narcolepsy are determined to kill me, but I know my attitude has meant a lot to a lot of people. I know I can cope with anything, and I know you can, too. What strengths and skills do you have? PTSD increases creativity. You're brave as f*** to have made it this far - don't give up now!!! Can you still appreciate the beauty of the universe and your unity with it? Might you have some higher purpose? What one thing can you look forward to? Can you afford a massage off groupon (that's what's getting me through this week...I know I'll make better decisions if I'm less stressed, and they're only $39)? Maybe you'll meet someone who changes your life forever. You can still write. Can you write something that has value to someone in the future? Life is worth living, and if you feel like a burden to others, find people that are looking for a burden because they enjoy helping people.

 

[sun seeker]

@Kendall S , I don't feel in danger of suicide. Just want to get that out of the way. I'm desperate, but suicide isn't an option for me. I know how many people would be hurt by it, myself included. I don't intend to give up, now or ever. Sometimes I feel like it. That's different from acting on the feeling.

I want to sleep through the next week... but I'm not. Except for one especially bad day, I got up and went to work. It helps get my mind off things and makes me feel a bit better about myself.

I don't have a problem with purpose. I just have a problem with how much pain I am feeling.

I'm glad you are still here, too. :)

 

[FauxLiz]

SunSeeker I completely understand what you have been going through and I get the frustration, the irritability, anxiety, inability to sleep etc. I have been struggling so much the past few weeks I have been arriving at work an hour and a half early and unless I have a therapy appointment haven't left the office before 8 pm however as of the end of the workday Friday this past week my office is cleaner, the files have all been gone through (we were supposed to have a corporate shredding day Friday) and all paper that could be gotten rid of (most scanned into the computer and indexed for easier searching) is done and all of my other paperwork from the past 6 months has been sorted, filed and put away. It almost looks like I have turned in my resignation because the office wasn't this clean and organized when I started 2 years ago. Of course there is some method to my PTSD anxious, unsleeping freaking out and on the edge madness. It has made me realize I can't keep making excuses about work to put off inpatient and when I do, the person that covers for me won't have any excuses about not being able to find what they need to cover for me.

 

[Fadeaway]

@sun seeker crisis lines are worthless, and what they said to you is recipe for diaster. I can only imagine that it would drive some people to suicide. They have pushed me darn close in the past with those same types of responses.

Maybe you can direct your emotions into letters to the people who run crisis lines and also write some articles on it for internet news and magazines that take subscriptions. I know there are a few that request first-hand experience stories in anything that could be sensationalist or controversial.

 

[sun seeker]

Had to delete this... so sorry @Fadeaway, your post was great, I'm just having a paranoid moment... or day... or something.

 

[digger]

I think giving feedback to the crisis line would be a great idea if you can find an address or email address for them. It could be really useful to them in working out how better they can assist people and perhaps what areas of training they need to focus on more with their volunteers.

It would probably be a really useful exercise for you too though in honing in on the type of support you were wanting, or expecting, to receive from them. I'm not sure from your OP exactly what you were needing from them in that moment, only that it wasn't what they were offering. I don't know if you had a clear idea of that at the time? I know there are many times when I really don't know what I need.

I'm working on the assumption that this is a crisis line staffed by volunteers of the type the Samaritans is in the UK, rather than crisis support offered by your healthcare provider? I tend to keep my expectations of these quite low and as a stop gap until I can get more solid support (from a therapist or doctor). I'm not sure there is really much more they can do than listen and offer alternative routes to support. It sounds like this is what they did, but that wasn't what you needed?

Are you able to work out now looking back what you feel they could have done to support you better? That could be really valuable feedback for them and for you in knowing what to ask for in the future.

 

[sun seeker]

I'm not sure there is really much more they can do than listen and offer alternative routes to support. It sounds like this is what they did, but that wasn't what you needed?

I can understand that they can't give advice; after all they don't know the people who call. What upset me so much was the lack of compassion. I could just as well have been talking with a robot for all the feeling this woman had.

They could be trained in how to talk to a person in a traumatized state. They could use techniques for grounding and soothing, not just passive listening. They could use active listening, i.e., reflecting what they have heard and asking if they have understood correctly. They could offer empathy. Sometimes all a person needs is to know someone hears them. I could suggest several books they could have their trainees read on empathy, communication, and trauma.

They also need to know that the places they are referring people to don't actually help with trauma.

They could exercise common sense. If a person has something they usually do to help themselves but they are calling the crisis line, it stands to reason that they have gotten beyond their ability to cope. If they had other people they could call for support, they would have.

Now you ask... there are lots of suggestions I could make, and none of them would be very hard to implement. They'd just take willingness.

 

[Whyteferret]

Last time I connected to a crisis line was a chat feature. I have a speech issue now and have a lot of problems processing language.

I was basically overwhelmed with everything and nothing. When he asked me what put me in crisis, even over chat, I couldn't figure out how to tell him.

It turned into me trying to explain and getting more upset that he just wasn't understanding of able to reach me somehow.

Finally, he asked if I was sleeping. This is actually funny- I said no, I was chatting with you. I wasn't be sarcastic, language processing. I took the comment literally.

It ended with him telling me to "go sleep it off." I wasn't drunk or stoned. I really just have problems being coherent when I'm escalated.

You should have seen the string of swear words at the end of it.

What's really sad- I mentioned having a loaded firearm in the house and the only thing keeping me going was that my cat and ferret had no place to go and I couldn't kill them first. I can't stand the thought of hurting my fur children

 

[Fadeaway]

@Whyteferret I relate so much to that feeling. I totally forget common words. Like spoon for example. I can picture a spoon in my mind, I know that I know what a spoon is called obviously but I can't come up with the word spoon to save my life. It is like the word is just gone from my vocabulary.

Trying to express yourself at all is so difficult when you are in that state.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Sometimes, we need more than just another ear, and people at the crisis lines are humans, not every human is going to give you the same thing, sometimes it takes more than one call, and another person, until you get the one who understands what you saying and what you need. I have found the hotlines helpful, but not the magic fix that some may want. Sometimes no matter what is said we look at it negatively. My recent experience was good, but I did not just call to vent, I called for a different view than my own, to check my reasoning and rational or lack of it. They help me, get a less confusing perspective, and less overwhelming expectation which I was able to carry into my session with my therapist the next day, when we sat down to talk about getting a crisis plan in place and working while they worked to get me admitted. It helped me a lot, because I am in the middle of the crisis, and very unsafe, but I am also not locked up somewhere until they can get me on the ptsd unit, they are now helping me to cope and stay safe hours at a time, until I can get to the help I need.