Crisis Line Is No Use

[sun seeker]

Just need to vent about what kind of "support" is given to people in crisis. A voice not sounding especially empathetic, asking what the problem is. Said I have PTSD, am in a really low place with it and need someone to talk to until my medication kicks in. What triggered me, she wanted to know, so I told her. Mm-hmm, she said. What do I usually do to help myself, she asked, and I said there is nothing that works and when it's this bad I might be lying on the floor screaming. Mm-hmm, she said. She can offer referrals to local agencies, she said. I've already been through all of them and no one in any of them has the training I need to treat trauma as severe as this. Oh, really? She said. Yes, I said, and elaborated. Mm-hmm, she said.

I asked if she is trained to do anything besides listen. No, she said, she offers listening and support. It didn't feel very supportive. I thanked her for her [f*cking useless] time and said goodbye.

:banghead::banghead::banghead:

Oh, and she wanted to know if I have any family I can reach out to for help. No, I said, no family I can call, no friends I can call, because none of them can handle my PTSD. She said... you guessed it... "Mm-hm."

My therapist (private - none of the agencies are any use at all with trauma) knows it's bad, we talked for a long time about it yesterday, and I just can't keep on asking. Have to find some other way of getting through this. "Reach out for help." What a stupid joke.

 

[sun seeker]

I can't stand this. Can't bear it one more minute. I've taken benzoids, screamed myself hoarse, called the f*cking useless crisis line. I am full of so much helpless rage I don't know what to do with except turn it against myself. My so-called support system all left me because I am too much. All except my therapist, and I can't keep on burdening him, he's overworked as it is. Any local agencies are useless with trauma this bad. I just want to sleep through the next week, not have to feel anything... or get so drunk I don't have to feel anything... I never talk like this here, but guys, I am at the end of my rope, I don't know what the f*ck to do.

And there is no E.R. I can go to. Not in this town, and I wouldn't go in this town anyway because too many people know me.

 

[Broken Dahlia]

Just need to vent about what kind of "support" is given to people in crisis. A voice not sounding e...

I had one woman scold me on the crisis line- I had been unfavorably compared to someone earlier that day, and while venting I told her that person hadn't been through a fraction of what I have. She said "oh, don't do that, you wouldn't want someone doing that to you." I felt super supported, and reassured her that said person had no need to call the crisis line, I was the one in crisis. Then I got off the phone.
That said, most of the times I have called I have found it really helpful. The active listening gets annoying, but some of the people I have spoken with have really empathized with me. It is hard to find people who can hear this stuff.
I'm sorry you found one of the duds. Next time just hang up and call back until you find someone worth talking to, I haven't had the same person ever answer twice.

 

[Broken Dahlia]

I can't stand this. Can't bear it one more minute. I've taken benzoids, screamed myself hoarse, ca...

So sorry posted before I saw this. I'm sorry you are in so much pain and hope you find some relief, in a healthy way of course.

 

[sun seeker]

Next time just hang up and call back until you find someone worth talking to, I haven't had the same person ever answer twice.

Thank you. I'll try that. Not sure I'm up to it right this minute.

Right now, my anger is directed at the birds singing outside my window and keeping me awake. Innocent birds, but I just want them to shut the f*ck up. Anger is just boiling out of me like lava. This is not my usual way.

 

[sun seeker]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain and hope you find some relief, in a healthy way of course

Thank you. I do too, so very much. I hate being like this.

 

[Broken Dahlia]

Just need to vent about what kind of "support" is given to people in crisis. A voice not sounding e...

I really wish people wouldn't ask if you have friends or family to call when feeling like this, obviously if you felt comfortable calling them you wouldn't need a crisis line. That would make me angry, too. I understand being "too much," what a horrible feeling. Is there an ER in the next town you could go to if needed?

 

[GardenGirl0214]

I know you said your therapist is very busy, but I'm sure he'd rather you call him when needed instead of doing something harmful to yourself. If you tell him you called the crisis line and found no support there, he may have another suggestion. Don't give up on yourself!

 

[Pencil]

Can you take something to knock you out? Your nervous system seriously needs a break.

 

[sun seeker]

Is there an ER in the next town you could go to if needed?

Yes, but it would be absolutely a last resort. I have new clients at work and really need to show up.

I know you said your therapist is very busy, but I'm sure he'd rather you call him when needed instead of doing something harmful to yourself.

Yes... but he spent until late last night talking me down and had to get up for work again in the morning.

Can you take something to knock you out?

I have been for the past two days. Way more benzoids than I usually take. Can't keep doing that for much longer or I'll be addicted to them.

 

[corvidae]

been thinking about this since reading first thing this morning. does physically creating a visual representation of what is inside help at all? for example, once when i was in a similar space, i stapled papers together...so much so that i went through an entire large box of staples and had to buy a new stapler...but the process helped release some pent up feels.

i hope you find something that helps soon.

 

[sun seeker]

does physically creating a visual representation of what is inside help at all

For me, I think it would be tearing paper to shreds. Something physically destructive. I did some of that yesterday while writing in my journal. Got so fed up by one point I stabbed the page over and over with the pen, through to most of the rest of the pages in the book. I could do more of that. Old phone books that need getting rid of for instance. Thank you.