Crying feeling? EMDR related?

[sunshinedaydream]

I appreciate everyone answering my questions and know I’ve asked a lot.

I have one more..

I don’t ever cry. I can’t remember crying for years.

I’ve been in therapy since April for stress and anxiety and trauma which was related to a custody battle and an assault, but as we got into it, I realized I have not dealt with trauma related to some child sexual activity with teenagers and adults when I was a child, and family abuse too, which I am starting to consider a little...

We tried EMDR, and are doing more safe place and safe people types of things, and not processing, but did a little trying at processing something like traffic and a trigger related to something that seemed not as heavy...
The processing was a few weeks ago.
That’s the backstory.

So now I keep having a weird feeling in my face. (I’m sorry if this all sounds stupid, I’m trying to understand it.) It feels like my face/lips almost vibrating/buzzing and like my eyes feel warm and buzzing and I feel a weird pulling down feeling below my eyes and my eyes feel like they get a little wider and start burning a little. And my back of my throat hurts a little. Like something is there. I can’t tell if it’s a feeling like crying? Like maybe I am trying to cry? Is that what it feels like?

I’m sorry I put it in the wrong place. I wasn’t sure.

 

[ladee]

My throat hurting and eyes burning usually always precedes crying for me. I, too, was not able to cry for a very long time. Give it time. It will happen. It is not weakness, it is healing.

 

[sunshinedaydream]

My throat hurting and eyes burning...

Thank you! It just feels very strange and keeps happening at odd times.

 

[susannahsays]

I am not a crier, but usually when I feel like I might cry, there is a lump in my throat. Feels kind of hard to swallow. Your eyes might feel warm if there is some tearing - even if there's not enough that tears actually fall. If I recall correctly, tears are warm.

 

[ladee]

Feelings coming to the surface. Try not to be afraid of them. It's our body telling us it's time. It took a long time for me to cry without all kinds of craziness running a commentary thru my brain. Shut that noise up if you can. And allow some healing to begin.
Thinking of you.

 

[Freida]

It's possible. EMDR works on physical reactions to old memories, so things you don't feel or do in the now, but did back then, can come along as echos. For me it was losing my voice -- and it totally freaked me out! I had forgotten that happened during my trauma, so when we dug into that event in emdr POOOF! suddenly I had no voice.

Let your T know anytime anything bizaare happens after EMDR, especially if it continues for more than a couple days. It's fixable, she just needs to know it's happening so she knows what direction to take to work it out.

 

[sunshinedaydream]

Thank you! That does all make sense. Just starting out with EMDR and have had to go slowly as I get quickly and easily scared and feel disconnected and “fuzzy.”

I am a little scared that there is nothing real there to process and I’m just crazy. Or that I already did process it and I’m just permanently like this now. I don’t know.

 

[ladee]

Just give yourself some time. And if after a period of time, you find out there is nothing to process, or, you have things to process, you will be in the right place to do the work.

Just keep coming here and asking questions or share what is going on. You are not alone.

 

[Skywatcher]

The weirdest part for me when I cry in therapy is that no one makes fun of me, gets angry or tells me that I’m too sensitive. I’ve only ugly cried in there 3 times in the two years. It was healing but also scary as hell. I’ll relive the moment over and over again in the following weeks.

 

[sunshinedaydream]

I think it really is a crying feeling. I have felt it daily at different times, none of which make sense, and I don’t have a connected feeling of sadness. I’m so confused, but two tears came out last night and now I feel like it’s happening again and I’m very confused. I am very tired emotionally (and physically) and maybe that can be why? Technically I was on vacation so should be rested etc, but it was with family, (triggering), at a place that reminds me of trauma, and had a lot of other triggering things, and I had serious major life things the week before and am back and also have big things happening. So maybe “vacation” (air quotes) isn’t really enough to counteract those things..

I still have burning eyes, crying feeling lump in throat, lip feeling weird, and wet eyes... And my face feels hot.

 

[katz]

I had to finally let myself cry. It was the only emotion that I was allowed to have when I grew up. I couldn't get angry or hit back. So I just went in a corner on the floor and cried.

Because I learned to release any emotions thru crying, it is what I crave the most when I'm hurting. I do still tend to hide when I need to (so, all of a sudden I "need" the bathroom, check the mail or laundry) Anything to leave the room to go to a hidden place to be alone. I also find it very embarrasing now that I'm an adult, but can't stop the habit. Coping technique, I guess.

 

[brokenpony]

oh i also never cry and i do get this feeling when i am triggered. it feels at once like i need to cry and puke at the same time. like the sec before you throw up. i don’t know if it is sad-crying, i associate it with panic-crying