Currently freaking out

[Kaylove498]

I woke up at 3 am in tears confused thinking about my childhood and wanting to be back there. Mind you the night before my sister n law and me had a pretty bad argument. I got up and just reminded myself that I was fine. I started feeling better so I started watching funny videos like I did before my anxiety struck into my life. I got wrapped into the videos started laughing and felt me coming back for a bit. At 6 am I decided you know if I feel this good and this clear of anxiety and panic I would catch up on things that I've pushed off for months.I made all the calls I had just in a sense forgotten about. I felt good.by 9 am every call was done everything was set in place I felt good a little dazed but good to have finally done something other than sit here. By 930 or so it was time for my fiance to get up his friends showed up explaining why they are going on the job so late. His friends in a mood nothing terrible just his usual upset so he vents to me. Then I realize I'm gonna be alone I get this underling feeling in my stomach then everything looks weird again just like before. The friend looks unfamiliar my hands and body don't feel or look like mine. I feel like I'm floating and sick to the point that I'm in tears telling my fiance I love him and to be safe at work. I have a fear of dying and noone being there to get help, or what if my more unfamiliar hands don't work and I can't call for help. I'm in therapy rationally I know it's anxiety and the upset stomach is probably a mix of anxiety and had Chinese food. But if someone could just explain to me these floating out of body feelings or atleast reassure me I'm okay that's be awesome. I get so terrified with my self I would love to just sleep those feeling off but my mind is there to remind me over and over that I don't feel okay and I'm alone

 

[Muttly]

Obviously I'm not a therapist but it sounds like you may be dissociating. That can happened when you are very stressed or triggered. Ground can help a lot. Doing things that help you feel your body or attach to the here and now

I realize it's been a bit since you posted this. How are you doing?

 

[Kaylove498]

I'm still feeling the detachment from my body but I'm trying to ignore it gets bad when I'm alone because I get this fear that I'll go crazy or that something is seriously wrong.my therapist mentioned dissociation to me a couple weeks ago will this last forever?

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Hi @Kay9477 welcome to the forum! That sounds a lot like dissociation. From what you posted, it sounds like you had a nightmare. It's great you were able to look at funny videos and calm down and get things done, those are great coping skills. For me, nightmares would give me bad dissociation and anxiety the next day. Not getting enough sleep can cause that in general too. That's a normal PTSD response, as is dissociation. I believe it's also one of the criteria for diagnosis. There's a whole subform about dissociation in these threads that may be helpful to you.

It can get better though!! I used to be completely disabled by nightmares for days after I had them. Now they don't even bother me, and usually I can go right back to sleep and get a full 8 hours, or even if I had to get up and do things, I don't get dissociation or anxiety throughout the day. A good therapist is a huge help. It took me about 18 months in intensive trauma therapy to get to that point, and the last 6 months I've been in therapy I think I've had one nightmare. I still dissociate, but it's not nearly as bad and it doesn't distress me.

Wishing you the best and welcome!

 

[Kaylove498]

Thank you it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone although I wish noone had to experience that.ive done some research and have been told it's a trauma response it's just hard when it's constant.yesterday I had a great day for the most part the dissociation lifted but today I woke up right back in it those few hours felt very peaceful.waking up with it full blown today as made me down.it almost feels worse although I know it's not.I almost feel like the dissociation had been harder than the trauma it's self.I hate to say that but it has made me feel as though I'm goin insane.my therapist reassures me that I'm not but when noone looks familiar and walking around feels almost confusing it's very scary and makes me believe the worst.at times it's I'm going crazy other times I feel as though I'm dying or have some horrible illness because sadly I am also a hypochondriac and have been one for as long as I can remember. Do you have any advice on how to stop just sitting in a room alone.at this point I have become scared of everything and my room feels like my only known safe place.