Currently ignoring/‘punishing’ my therapist

barefoot

Sponsor
No, you're right @insignificant ...I am doing a bit of mind-reading here.

When we have these conversations, she is always the first to say 'I'm sure you must feel let down...' Which isn't something I've ever said - I've never said that she's let me down. But that's always her take on these things. So, maybe she feels in these moments that she has let me down? And yet...then she does something similar again at some point!

And, you know, we're not talking about that often. And sometimes she has absolutely gone above and beyond (including now, I think, when she is checking in most days to see how I am) But, yeah...she is not always the most consistent. I also don't think she has a great memory. So, I don't think she always remembers what she's agreed to do! But, still...if that's the case, it's kind of her job to find a strategy to help her with that, I think?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I don't think she always remembers what she's agreed to do! But, still...if that's the case, it's kind of her job to find a strategy to help her with that, I think?
She can't know what's going on unless you talk to her about your experience. She might see those interactions very differently (in terms of making guarantees). And if not - there's also always the option for you to remind her. Right?
 

barefoot

Sponsor
@joeylittle - I know everything you've said makes sense.

I'm just worried that I'm going to look stupid, pathetic and unreasonable.

The thought of telling her now that I was annoyed with her when she couldn't make our call last weekend because she had her partner's kids around...it's mortifying.
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
The beauty of therapy might be dealing with the mortification so at the end you are not focused on her and her short coming but the feeling of mortifying when you feel either u are ignored, your needs not met, or there is a genuine misunderstanding. That is the therapy. You are in sympolical relationship to work on YOU with her... Not on her with you.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
The thought of telling her now that I was annoyed with her when she couldn't make our call last weekend because she had her partner's kids around...it's mortifying.
You can tell her ALL of this, including how you were annoyed, and now you're embarrassed.
You are in sympolical relationship to work on YOU with her... Not on her with you.
Yes, this.
 
'm just worried that I'm going to look stupid, pathetic and unreasonable.

But maybe that’s a fear. Asserting myself and speaking up and still feeling unheard and invalidated.

Sometimes, I feel like the challenges I have in the therapeutic relationship (the internal conflict, the push/pull, the excruciating intimacy, the 'being witnessed', the fragility of it all etc) are part of the work I'm meant to be doing in therapy. I came to think that some time ago and the realisation felt like quite a breakthrough, at the time. OMG – THIS is the work! Or, at least it's part of it.

How I don't feel able to just ask for what I want ie 'Can we just have a quick phone chat on X day to pick up after last session and on the way forward?' I don't feel I can say that.

^I've quoted three parts of your posts because to me, they speak about the underlying fear that you have. I think it is trauma related and this situation has been so challenging because it bites directly into that area where you are so vulnerable. Thus it's extremely difficult to push forward.

^At post #251 - imo write this to her as a text. It says exactly what you want & need. That's not pathetic, stupid or unreasonable.
 

barefoot

Sponsor
The beauty of therapy might be dealing with the mortification so at the end you are not focused on her and her short coming but the feeling of mortifying when you feel either u are ignored, your needs not met, or there is a genuine misunderstanding.

This resonates deeply @grit - thanks. Something I need to think more about...


they speak about the underlying fear that you have. I think it is trauma related and this situation has been so challenging because it bites directly into that area where you are so vulnerable.

Yes...there does seem to be a bit of a theme here, doesn't there?! Will think about this more too...

She texted earlier offering me a time and I said yes. I still don't know if that's for a quick chat or a session. I really don't feel I can ask or say what I would like. Even though I don't feel like I can ask, it may be that when I speak to her I will be able to say that this has been stressful and that I didn't feel I could ask so I sort of left it to her to decide... I guess that would still be something...?
 

barefoot

Sponsor
Yes, that’s what I was referring to. And I know it sounds stupid that I can’t just say that/text that to her.

But the thought of asking her for something - even just this small practical thing - feels very risky.

Asking for a short call means asking for something extra.

Part of me thinks it would be unreasonable to ask for something extra (and free of charge)

And the possibility of her saying no to that request...even just the thought of that brings up a lot of feelings of shame.

So, it feels too anxiety-making to ask.

I know how pathetic this sounds. I think this whole thing with her at the moment is somehow jangling a lot of stuff for me that I don’t really understand. It feels very stressful.
 
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