Curved Ball - What's A Review?

[lighteningdarkness]

I've been seeing my therapist for 17 months. The therapy is in the main CBT but have used EMDR (she's qualified) when needed and when I'm brave enough. She tells me there's no time scale and no right way of doing this. I have a good relationship with her and have just started being able to cover something she's known about but I've not been able to face.

In the last week my employer has started a disciplinary against me which I'm fighting and she knows about. I email her about once a week. In her reply she was helpful but then said it would be useful to do a review in our next session. It's really thrown me, I don't know what this is about or what's likely to happen, or why now. If one more person tells me I'm not doing well enough or lets me down I'm going to struggle.

Any explanations or comments welcome, thanks.

 

[Leah123]

Hello! I'm sorry to hear you're worried about what she meant and worried that there's some problem in therapy. It's a space I always feel we deserve to take for granted as safe and supportive, though it doesn't always work that way. :(

I was curious what the exact wording of her reply was, because my therapist often says things about emails in terms of "let's go over this" in our next session, which is just her way of communicating that she can help me better if I discuss something further in detail, in real time with her.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

My view of what a review would be is assessing where you are, what you need and where you want to go in terms of therapy. Maybe she feels she needs to direct your therapy elsewhere to get you through your employment problems or perhaps she feels the need to focus on something that she sees as a repeated problem and not EMDR.

I don't think it's a review of her wanting to keep you as a patient but rather her thinking to focus your therapy somewhere else briefly. My guess is your employment becasue that is what you mention.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Thanks for the replies. Leah - that rings the same as my therapist. Her reply was to give some empathy, suggest looking at my safe place as I raised I was having trouble with it then that she thinks a review would be useful and asked if I was ok with that.

Ayesha, I really hope you're right but even that seems a little scary right now.

Thanks again.

 

[Leah123]

Could you possibly just email her back, let her know you're unclear on what she means by review and ask her to explain it in a couple sentences to prevent you from any unnecessary worry?

 

[maddog]

I agree with Ayesha as to her likely intent here. It's also possible that she's anticipating having to provide a report to your employer in relation to your therapy, and she may be wanting to discuss its possible contents with you so that you are fully-informed and the processes are transparent to you. If she is anticipating, for whatever reason, that the disciplinary proceeding may have, as a possible outcome, the loss of your job, she may be intending to strategise with you about how best to target therapy at this point to enhance functioning and increase your chances of a successful return to work.

Lots of maybes and what ifs, and I very much empathise with your anxiety about this, given that I am currently experiencing something similar. Best to ask her directly about it as soon as possible as it sounds as though she is open with you and that you have a mutually trusting relationship.

Maddog

 

[a3a2]

Am I misunderstanding? To me it reads that your EMPLOYER is starting disciplinary action and is asking for a review- NOT your therapist. Is this right?

It reads to me as if you have a good relationship with your therapist, and it seems like she is giving you good advice. Is this correct?

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Sorry, yes my employer is starting the disciplinary, almost exactly a year after the last one. I have about 3 weeks left on the previous warning so this will automatically be a stage 3 hearing which is a dismissal. My therapist is suggesting the review.

I emailed her, she says it's to look at what I think I've achieved and what I still want to work on. I hope so, know I can't take another person telling me I'm crap at stuff right now. I don't have any reason to doubt her and she's always been safe and supportive. I'm just aware she's started another job and may be wanting to end her private patients. Just the paranoia getting ahead of me I guess.

Thanks for the replies.

 

[Leah123]

Goodness that sounds stressful. If it were me, I wouldn't be above emailing her and asking if she was planning to scale back or stop your sessions in light of the new job. You are the customer, hard to feel like we have the power in therapy in my experience, but... we are the ones paying for the service. I hope you use the review as a chance to focus on your successes- sounds like you need something positive to hold on to.

 

[Ice_Fire]

((((((((((LD))))))))))

Aww hun, hugs. Big safe hugs. You've got so much going on right now, huh?!

First of all, work; urgh, well you know my opinion on that one. Just keep fighting yeah?

Your therapist; honestly I don't think it is anything to worry about. I agree with Ayesha 100%. I was scared the first time my therapist talked about a 'review', because my first thought was 'uh oh, she's showing me the door', but it wasn't anything near that bad. She will, if she's like my T, take a small portion of the session, either at the start or the end (mine lets me choose so if there's something I really need to talk about I can do first) to just take a step back. Have a look at what you've covered so far, especially recently, if anything has changed with how you feel about what's been discussed.

I think she'll probably then set out a few targets that you come up with together, about what you still want to cover, what needs going over, what has or has not 'clicked'. The current issue with work will come up I'm guessing. She's possibly just concerned at the effects of day-to-day living on you at the moment and might want to talk about what pace to take the next 'block' of sessions at.

For my T, she (and my last one) regarded it as mainly a tick-box hoop to jump through for reference. Don't stress, it is okay.

 

[ms spock]

In the last week my employer has started a disciplinary against me which I'm fighting and she knows about. I email her about once a week. In her reply she was helpful but then said it would be useful to do a review in our next session.

Any explanations or comments welcome, thanks.

I took it to mean that she would review the situation with your employer in order to assist you. But I could be wrong.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Thanks for the replies and support.

I emailed her. Apparently it's 'looking at what I've achieved and what I still want to work on'. Right now it doesn't feel like I've achieved anything and it's hard to look ahead.