Cutting Off Family

[2quilt]

You can't choose your family...or can you?

I also wanted to tell you that when people ask about my family, I say my parents are dead. Whether they are or not really, the questions stop there, and I have said this for a while now, and it feels natural to say that. I don't have to explain my decision to cut them out of my life.

I now have the opportunity to choose the parents and siblings I want. I have made new friends who are now my family. All y'all here are my cousins. I choose high-quality people to be in my family. And I don't feel badly that I don't have a blood family; I will not let them control my level of self-esteem any more. They are the ones who lost out by not treating me with dignity.

 

[ladybug08]

When I first started therapy years ago before discovering I have PTSD, I was advised to cut off ties and leave town. I wish I did. My brother as a matter of fact keeps his distance...he has very limited contact. When my mom gets out of line....which is often...he would go months to almost a year without contact. When she tells me that she tries to call him and he does not answer her phone calls, she thinks he's not talking to her because he is too good or she has no idea why he does not pick up. My parents act totally clueless to why he does not call.

 

[dust]

My mother triggers my ptsd. I had to stop seeing her. One of my sisters is in my mothers pocket - so can't go to her. I had little contact with my dad as a child and he has always failed to be there for me when I needed him (told me he had a balcony I could jump off when I was trying to explain the effects of ptsd, prior to a visit), so stopped contact with him too. I still see one sister who is supportive and believes me.

This has all happened within the last year. There is a lot of grief attached to no contact, but it is better than the emotional consequences of it. I just take it day by day. I don't know if I will ever be able to have contact again.

 

[JustJane]

Wow, this has been an eye opener for me. I thought I was the only one and that family was supposed to always be happy and supportive. My my mom died, she was the last link forcing my siblings and I to come into contact with each other. I cut myself off from them completely after her parting. I don't admit to having family. I wrote a will, had it notarized by an attorney and nothing I own will ever fall into their hands when I die. People who have helped me along the way are the ones who be remembered.

 

[2quilt]

I would like dibs on all your chocolate.

 

[ladybug08]

I would like dibs on all your chocolate.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

 

[ladybug08]

My mom called my son this morning telling him for me to call her when I wake up. I work nights, so I do not answer the phone until I get up. When I did call she was drunk :mad:. Some things never change. My dad is working. So I guess she has been drinking most of the day. My sister talked to her mid morning so she was drunk then. Who wants to talk to a drunk!?! I am so sick of this!!!

 

[2quilt]

Are you now considering cutting her out of your life, and the life of your child?
Do you want your child to remember his grandma that way? No.
You can't change her, only your own actions.

 

[pandora]

well in the last couple of months my Mom who was an emotional abuser and soometimes physical because if she caught you after chasing you she would punch me in the back. The last time i was 27 and then we moved apart....i actually deceided that moving across canada for a man and to get away from my family was a really good thing to do at the time...it did blow up in my face but now 7 years later....back in my home town. I just my got through about three years of no contact with my Mom and brother. It has made a world of ddifference, now that I have boundaries and try my best to just accept her help, not have an opinion and just let her think she is right Deep down i know she is a good person, just an angry person. I am amazed at the help she has been giving me lately but the chance is always there that I will do something to make her mad and she could turn back into psycho Mom....so far so good. i need the help and as hard as it is to get it from her because her moods change from minute to minute moods at least I am used too....so that helps just makes me stronger because most people could not handle the outbursts she is known to have but they are fewer and far between. and as much as the help makes me feel at least a little bit of love she does increase my anxiety because her history has shown that she really can flip out if angered....at least now i know she will not chase and punch me in the back because she could cripple me if she hit me hard enough in the back. i am thankful that all of my self reflection has helped me to understand her while trying to figure things out for me too. we actually have adult conversations......now that is a miracle.

now....i just generally keep my mouth shut, no opinion is easier, she has a good relationship with my son, even though it took her 6 hears to accept his disability without blaming me for it. now...i am rambling....bottom line relationships can be very hard and very confusing. Especially with family....add ptsd to the mix and it is alot more confusing for all of us......in my opinion making us very strong individuals.

 

[ladybug08]

Are you now considering cutting her out of your life, and the life of your child?
Do you want your child to remember his grandma that way? No.
You can't change her, only your own actions.[/quote

He also has also been abused emotionally and physically. Should he be emotionally and physically abused because of her issues? I think not. He spent a few days with my grandparents towards the end of July. He was a totally different person. I need to step in as a parent. There was no one in the family that stepped in for me or my brother, and sister. Members of the family knew we were getting abused...and no one helped. :mad: Right now I do not speak to my brother due to mom's manipulation. I am sick of her games.
Our family is already cut into pieces.

 

[rallynut78]

I cut my dad out a few years ago. It was a hard decision and i still feel a little torn about it but it was long over due. My life isn't any less rich without him and that side of the family in my life and I surly don't miss him. sucks that my 1/2 brother and sister get cut out too but they undoubtedly have a tainted view of me from him.

he doesn't have any thing to do with my PTSD but it was after I returned from Iraq and had no patience for nonsense that I made the decision.

 

[JustJane]

I would like dibs on all your chocolate.

That can be arranged.:occasion: