Cutting Off Family

[ladybug08]

Well done Ladies.... I have been watching this thread hoping it would not erupt into a clash of views. Grama-Herc good on you for standing up and apologising and Ladybug for acknowledging it. :clap:

thanks :smile:

 

[ladybug08]

A few things from me:

Was it difficult cutting off your mom and going on with your life? Meaning...feeling like you cut off you left arm...I know what my parents are, and it is what it is...guilt?

 

[redtriskell]

What the hell?

I just wrote a really long, very emotional post and it just disappeared before I submitted it!:mad::mad::mad: Is there a length limit? If so, would've been nice to get a warning I was running out of room BEFORE my reply vanished!?!?!?

Anyway, I can't bear to write all that again, so I'll keep this brief. Ladybug- If you're wondering what you should do- cut off ties or not- let me share something with you. I broke off all ties with my mother on August 13 2005. I went to her house and told her I was doing it, and why I was doing it. Of course it was difficult, but it was the right thing for me. That night, the family I've made for myself over the years took me to dinner at this posh Chinese place. Even in swanky Chinese places you get a fortune cookie. I still have mine from that day. Know why? Because it says: Treat the past as the past- now is the time to start anew.

I do not believe in coincidences that large. I wish you all the best in making the right choice for YOU. red

 

[carapace]

Heh.

My last one was: "A new location makes all the difference" :rolleyes:

 

[MaybeOneDay]

I cut off from entire family about ten years ago, I don't really remember when... I wish it felt liberating, sometimes I feel guilty about the choice I made. The friends who I have been open have constantly congratulated and enforced my decision. To me, it seems dumb that I still harbor guilt when someone shares with me knowledge that I could be so unfeeling to abandon them. But logically I know I did the right thing and hope one day the guilt feelings will go away.

I can say that I would not have been able to make the progress I have, if I had not taken those steps.

 

[midi]

Even in swanky Chinese places you get a fortune cookie. I still have mine from that day. Know why? Because it says: Treat the past as the past- now is the time to start anew.

I do not believe in coincidences that large. I wish you all the best in making the right choice for YOU.

Yup, that's it, eh! I don't believe in coincidences either. While I do feel sad sometimes because I don't have a family now, I never had the support before, and it was a lot worse then. I have no guilt, especially since my son is old enough to voice his own view on my family. My parents - unfortunately, even non-nurturing types can breed.

 

[Cr8ingMagic]

I have cut off mother and sister, I try to cut off dad, but he keeps trying to stick to the bottom of my shoe like a piece of nasty gum I have stepped in.

I consider my friends to be my family, now, two of my friends are an older couple that I think of as my new parents, and I have several new sisters and a brother, and even though I don't call them that to their faces, it's more how I feel in my heart towards them that seems to matter.

And they treat me like I would have liked my family of origin to treat me, had they not been so darn dysfunctional!!

 

[Wraithe]

I stopped speaking to my sister when I was fourteen because all we did was fight. It wasn't easy, or nice (since we still lived together) but at least our fights stopped.
When my mother died (I was 22, long long ago!) my father changed the locks on the house and told me not to come back. I knew he was mad at me at the time but I thought-----Fine. Why would I want to have you in my life anyway? I didn't contact him again, and I, too, felt kind of liberated.
I made a new family with a tight group of friends from high school and from two of my jobs. It's different and I still ache for "belonging" in a family, but I ached for it even when I was IN a family! Even some my friends who have families don't feel they belong and feel more of a kinship with their close friends than their blood relatives. I think "family" is what you make it.

Rivergirl

Thank you so much for this statement.

 

[Sandra]

I consider my friends to be my family, now, two of my friends are an older couple that I think of as my new parents, and I have several new sisters and a brother, and even though I don't call them that to their faces, it's more how I feel in my heart towards them that seems to matter.

And they treat me like I would have liked my family of origin to treat me, had they not been so darn dysfunctional!!

I can so relate to that. I had a second family too that treated me with kindness and respect. And yes she is getting older now too and fighting breast cancer. She will be 85 in Dec. And I love her dearly. Sadly her son since passed away which I was also very close to. I always felt like he was my younger brother.

 

[Anna]

Yes, I had to do this for my own sanity.

 

[Blondie362]

At this moment in time, I am feeling quite detached from my Mum.. so while I am in that head space its better I keep contact to a phone call ,- general conversation etc ... as I don't want to have a button pushed by a snide comment and then I flip and end up having a screaming fit, but I always go through phases of this when I have been to see a T and resentments are ignited.

 

[olaja]

I am very glad this thread was resurrected. It is helpful to read the posts of people who have made a similar decision as I have. I did not know of anyone else who has had to make this awful decision, and now I feel less alone. Thank you.