Cutting Off Family

[becvan]

If I could say one thing to all of you who have cut your parents out of your lifes, it would be to remember "1" thing. In their mind they did the best they could. That does not in any way make their actions right. But they did do the best they could with what they had to work with.

Herc I have to remind you here, that people are talking about their parents and not your parenting skills. You can not mind read and tell others what their parents were trying to do. You had nothing to do with it!

I know for a fact that my mother never tried to do her best, in fact the exact opposite. That woman is a sociopath. Many others on here have similar types of parents. I would fall over with laughter if someone tried to pass of that type of advice to me. It's ridiculous.

Plain and simply, there are people in this world that are evil and many of them were our parents. This thread is not a personal slam on your parenting.

I fully agree with Void.

bec

 

[Grama-Herc]

I have apparently stepped on a few toes and for that I am truely sorry. I in no way meant to hurt or offend any one of you.

I went someplace where I obviously had no business being and did not understand the depth of the hurt and pain suffered by some of you.

My comments were only meant to help. I thought maybe it would help to hear the other side, so please forgive me for speaking out of turn.

 

[joyfull]

just yesterday

my brother called to tell me he had cut my parents off. It is really sad, not that he did that (Ive done it before too) but that they put him in such a position where he had to. Ever since he could work at 14 they have taken money from him and used guilt to manipulate him.

Interestingly because of their poor lifestyle choices they are in some ways in the worst place of their life. My dad is a chronic alcoholic who is in hospital now after a bypass for congestive heart failure, then he went into DTs which lasted almost 2 weeks.

My mom spent all her money (probably gambling) and after asking my brother to pay half her rent (which has happened off and on for over 20 years) 4 days later she says she needs all her rent then my dad called from the hospital and "told" my brother to promise him he would give my mom $100 and take her to the casino to gamble.

So yeah for him:clap: he took a stand. I have set what I think are super clear boundaries- one word of criticism about me or my parenting or a nasty letter in the mail, anything- and we are through. You would think they would want relationships with children that looked forward to seeing them but some people can never take responsibility for their lives. ever. too bad.

 

[linasmom]

A few things from me:

Lady, I do believe that my mother has a personality/mental disorder. I believe and so do my own therapists that she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder- I also think my mother is Bipolar. Of course, none of this can be proved because my mother does not think there is anything wrong with her and refuses to seek any sort of help. In fact, she denies everything. Which is exactly why cutting her out of my life was the best thing to do.

I propose a question to those on here: if you were raped, mugged, physically attacked, emotionally abused by someone OTHER than your parents, would you want to have a relationship with that person? If the answer is no, why are our parents held to any other standard? Is it because we were conceived by them? (which in my opinion doesn't hold any weight - most anyone can have sex and reproduce).


Best,
Rachel

 

[Grama-Herc]

To those of you I upset!

Please forgive me. I in no way intended to start an issue that was going to erupt into this.

As for Bec, I know that this thread was not about me and my parenting skills. I fail to see any reason for you to jump on me for trying to express my point of view from the other side. You have no clue what kind of parent I was or what I did to my daughter.

Last time I check we were allowed to express our own opinions. So I fail to see the need for you to jump in the middle of my shit..

I was only trying to offer another view or side to a discussion.

 

[becvan]

To those of you I upset!
As for Bec, I know that this thread was not about me and my parenting skills. I fail to see any reason for you to jump on me for trying to express my point of view from the other side. You have no clue what kind of parent I was or what I did to my daughter.

Last time I check we were allowed to express our own opinions. So I fail to see the need for you to jump in the middle of my shit..

Last time I checked, I never said ANYTHING about your parenting. You did. Not me. I didn't jump into the middle of your shit, whatever the hell that means. Don't think that just because I have been on here a long time, that I will stand for this bull. Interesting how I'm the only one your taking exception to disagreeing with you? I will disagree with you, whether you like it or not.

BTW, unless you were abused by your parents, what other side is there? We are not talking about the average screw ups that all parents make, including me. I'm done with this. You can blast me into next year, I will not waste my time with bullshit attacks just because you don't like me or what I have to say.

bec

 

[ladybug08]

Oh my...

Just gone for a few days and look what happens...Grama-Herc I'm sorry but I do not agree with you...you have no idea what hell I have gone through, I know that I will never have a good relationship with my mom because of her undig. personality disorder and alcoholism. She thinks something is wrong with me. She laughed at me while my dad beat me in the bathroom...til this day I still have panic attacks in the shower, tho not as bad...SHE LAUGHED...she lies all the time. Because of her, my sister and I do not have much contact with our brother...she keeps mess going all the time... it's funny to her. One night my dad was beating me, I was in my 20's, she thought it was funny. So you think these things are due to mistakes! My mom will never, EVER, admit, or apologize for so, so, many things while we were kids and even now. She would deny everything. So I wonder where I got PTSD!?!

 

[Grama-Herc]

Ladybug

I am so sorry for responding to an issue I knew nothing about. I was not thinking about the type of abuse you and others received from your parents. I have caused a lot of upset and discord within your thread and for that I apologize.

This is an obvious subject I need to avoid as my views on this subject are not appropriate for this forum. But please know who sorry I am to have upset you or anyone else

 

[ladybug08]

Grama-Herc,


apology accepted.....

 

[ladybug08]

And Grama-Herc

You are an exception...you realized your mistakes, and worked hard to become a better person...

lady

 

[Grama-Herc]

Thank You!

Your acknowledgement means a lot to me. Many times people do not accept apologies and it hurts. I know because it has happened to me, and I have often wondered why someone would choose to act that way.

We are all in various stages of PTSD and you would think that we would be more tolerant of each others mistakes in judgement.

You are a kind and gracious person to have accepted my apology and it is appreciated very much.

 

[Nicolette]

Well done Ladies.... I have been watching this thread hoping it would not erupt into a clash of views. Grama-Herc good on you for standing up and apologising and Ladybug for acknowledging it. :clap: