Cutting Ties With All Family

[Lushiro]

I've decided to cut contact with ALL my family. I did it once for 6 months but then my mom called me and I agreed to get in touch again, should not have done that. The reason why I've decided this is because of the past and how they are right now. I cant find myself while having them in my life. The only person that I don't really want to cut contact with would be my sister but it's unfortunately a necessary sacrifice that must be made for my own well-being and future. My mom is a alcoholic, I've called her out on it many times over the years. I was sexually abused in my childhood by the babysitter we had. There are in total 5 family members I'm cutting the contact with. This time, I'm not gonna give anymore chances. I'm done.

 

[Britt.f7]

I think you need to do whatever you think is best for you. I know that I had to cut off relations with my family on and off throughout my healing. When they were allowed back in, it was on conditions. Both their's and mine. I don't regret it.

Right now I try not to have contact with my sister in law because I believe she is harmful to my psyche, no matter what she thinks or how she behaves when others are looking. Not easy to do because of my love for my husband and father in law.

I wish you strength.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

:(

I clicked in your post after reading the cutting ties bit as I'm dealing with the same. Then I realized we both have alcoholic mothers. And we were both sexually abused by our babysitters. So I can identify with you to say the least.

I just want to say...feel free to PM me if you need to talk. I know we're all struggling, but sometimes it's easier with someone who has been through much of the same. I felt completely alone until I found another person who was pretty much the male version of me (the similarities were eerie). Just knowing I wasn't alone was a huge relief, if you know what I mean. I never felt that alone feeling again. So, I just want to show that sort of support to others as well.

 

[heidi]

It can be really sad without family but it can also be necessary. When I had to do something similar my psychiatrist sent me as hand written letter that said he strongly believed I would find my new family elsewhere. That was the most supported I had ever felt. It was nice because not everyone can understand the decision.

 

[rightkindofme]

I cut ties with my bio-family a year and a half ago. I miss them but I feel like my life is so much better. Do what you need to do for yourself. I hope you feel more settled afterwards.

 

[PearBlossom]

I was practically codependent on my parents (bipolar, alcoholic mother and sociopathic father). I cut her off 6 years ago and him 7 years ago and never missed them. Like... never. It was very strange. 15 years ago I cut off my cousin who was like my sister. Same thing--I don't miss her. Ever. I have since cut everyone else off and the last one or two were pretty easy. I hope for that kind of peace for you.

 

[Philippa]

I'm missing my brothers and mother and father heaps, at different times. It's been about a year and a half for me as well, and I still don't actually feel the desire to have them in my life again just yet, and my life is pretty good right now, and apart from the odd asshole who manages to slip through my net, and I am able to get rid of them pretty quick these days...I am surrounded with people who are decent, cool and loving, so although it's been very hard with the cat dying, as she was my only real family, I do believe that we find our real families eventually...it's just a matter of when.

Best of luck with that. I hope you feel supported and find the people who are right for you to be around.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Good for you for doing what you feel is best for you. A few years ago I moved a few thousand miles away from my family and cut off contact with my mother, it was one of the best things I have ever done for my healing and I made more progress in the last 3 years than the 9 years before that. Some people are too toxic to keep in your life and if they can't abide by limits you set then it's probably best to create distance for your own personal health.

 

[MSMiller]

I currently do not communicate with my former immediate family members and keep other family members at an arms length. I miss not having involved parents but not the parents I was saddled with.

Mom = 1 1/2 years
Dad = a little over a year.
Brother = 4 years
Step Brother = 4 years
Several other family members = years

It is hard to tell people about my decision because it is so personal. I agree with you that my personal life seems better and I am stronger as I try to find out who I am without their influence. I miss them when I have a major life event. But I also realize I miss the people they are not. They are not the persons who I would generally like to imagine them to be. For my mental health I choose the same as you and encourage you to stay strong and independent of them.