Dare I Disagree.... Anniversaries

[Nicolette]

I've been on this site coming up to 9 years and I've read a lot of posts about anniversaries and how crippling they are for PTSD Sufferers and opposing opinions, including those of my husband @anthony; where he is of the view (from what I interpreted from his posts) that an anniversary is only a date and should not be so debilitating.

Well here goes..... I've been watch @anthony over the years and lining up cyclic 'meltdowns' with dates without breathing a word to him. While I don't know his 'trauma' dates, being a Combat Veteran, I feel his PTSD developed over a period time and not a specific event on a date. That being said he gets 'sick' around certain dates year after year so I wonder does he remember the dates and not discuss them or does he subconsciously get ill as those stressors are in the back of his mind? I don't know as I haven't discussed it with him and don't feel like having a full blown discussion/disagreement with him (as that could cause stress). But I'm putting it on record, that from my perspective, anniversaries for which there is an 'emotional' connection do seem to put additional stressors on a PTSD Sufferer..........

Anyway, back into my box. :bag:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

But I'm putting it on record, that from my perspective, anniversaries for which there is an 'emotional' connection do seem to put additional stressors on a PTSD Sufferer..........

I 100% agree. Though there cant be specific dates for my stuff as well, i get sick & blow off a gasket about every time in March to April (my mom's, the baby she lost...the wanted one, and my birthday), around Christmas as well as things hightened around that time. My SI increases, most of my suicide attempts were around those dates as well.

There are DEF 'anniversaries' for trauma, Def!

And why are you hidding in a box anyway? :hug:

 

[Sandstone]

I'm aware of an annual cycle to my symptoms, but it doesn't relate to anniversaries. It is based on seasonal stressors. Christmas and some birthdays require extended preparation and social activity. The clock change in Autumn heralds a period when I will be "trapped" in the house. All my life, long before PTSD was apparent, I've gone a bit loopy in Spring. I tend to make huge, rash decisions and be generally volatile in late Spring. That is now an anniversary as well, but that came afterwards.

From a practical viewpoint, I know this is coming up and can Brace for it. Would it be useful to Anthony if he could plan to reduce his stress around the times you have identified?

 

[digger]

While I find it helpful to remind myself of this....

an anniversary is only a date

I have also found it helpful to acknowledge that certain dates and times of year do tend to affect me.

For me, it's not about saying that they will and doing self fulfilling prophecy stuff, it's about not falling into a negative cycle of beating myself up because I think it shouldn't be affecting me (but clearly bloody is AGAIN!)

It's finding a balance I think between accepting that there are certain times of year that have more triggers and stressors in them than others and understanding the resulting dips, and not completely giving in to that and not using it as an excuse.

 

[Sideways]

I agree woth what @digger said above, but for me there's also an element of open grieving that comes with an anniversary.

The stuff I went through as a kid destroyed my sexual boundaries which, typically, set me up for some really nasty encounters as an adult. Of all these experiences, there's only 1 anniversary that effects me. 3 January was the incident that involved roofies, handcuffs, & spectators with cameras. Pretty nasty. But it was also the incident that precipitated my meltdown, starting therapy, and losing my very healthy & successful high functioning life. I have a lot to feel crappy about on that day.

It gets a little easier each year, and I always tell myself to take it as it comes & not set myself up for it to be miserable. But it's the one day of the year that I was find myself actively and openly grieving for what happened, & what I've lost. When the day passes and I move on, I'm in aa much better space, & I now rarely have any flashbacks of that incident at any other time of year.

 

[Nicolette]

birthdays

While Anthony is quite forgetful with birthdays (I'm sure he married me to be his personal diary :p) it is always around a few particular birthdays and interesting Valentine's Day where he's very touchy.

 

[Klo]

For me there are environmental changes that come and go with the seasons. It's not really about specific dates for me personally, but like right now where I live the Spring weather is coming in. It changes the way I feel and perceive for a while. And Spring weather here shows up pretty reliably within the same few week time period every year.

 

[anonymous]

Mine are definitely nothing to do with weather or climate (I have even changed countries and the date hasn't changed) and I don't anticipate them or think of it before. I find it very weird and something I can't quite understand that I do get worse on some dates. It annoys me on a logical level and because I don't like that it seems to have logged in my brain in that way.

 

[Crow]

For years I got very ill in November. Wasn't until I went over my childhood medical records and the timeline of my family moving around the world did I sync up that November is when a particularly vicious abuse event happened. I put stuff together three years ago. I've been getting sick and spinning into darkness for 43 years. Anniversaries definitely effect me.

 

[Panda Bear]

I have specific anniversary dates, but the specific date doesn't cause an issue. It's the 'season' in which the trauma and chain of traumatic events around it that took place. That's the issue.

I go what my family affectionately calls 'dormant' from Oct-Nov-Dec. every year, year after year. For as long as I can remember. My anxiety peaks, sucidal thoughts, Ilnesses, nightmares and flashbacks ramp up, nothing stops it. I can't think, focus, I'm angry, unreasonable, tired, emotional. It's not the holidays per say, it just so happens that the main traumatic series took place between those months.

Come January, things fade all on their own and the fog sorta lifts and I can think again. I seriously have no control over the dormant phase. I can feel it creep in, I try to fight it and then all of a sudden it swallows me whole and nothing helps.

 

[shimmerz]

I noticed just yesterday a 'lightness' as I could hear the birds sing and the warm breeze, the sun shining. All cues of spring. And then it hit me... IT was OVER! I can breath again.

It hits me at the end of August..... every year ..... there is a feel to the air.... a different hue to the sun, a coolness, and of course, people preparing for winter time. A bunch is about what 'happens' for normal people that time of year as well. Firewood, trees start turning, a chill my body feels that it didn't feel in the summer, strawberries are no longer in season, but apples are......

I don't need to know the date. My body feels the difference...... And most times I am full on reactive and have NO idea why (or even that I am!).

I rely on those who love me and see these things in me to clue me into what they see as a change in me. Maybe it is worth mentioning, slowly..... so that the primal urges to strike out, run, freeze etc can be processed at a higher level.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@digger "an anniversary is only a date" is true but my mind tells me its a date that something is still happening and I cant seem to get out of that. Like everything got a millon time worse around now and so flashbacks seem to happen back to back, i punish a millon times more & worse, i hear my mom's voice reminding me of what i should have been, i even caught myself once last week petting my cat and locating her jugular. I didnt hurt her of course, but i was locating it like instructed back then and had no clue i was doing it. I fly off the handle over nothing without meaning to, go off at work, have such internal rage toward myself, go off on 'the hunt' (seduction adventures), find websites where i can go and do insane sexual things, i cant seem to listen in therapy and its harder for my therapist to keep my attention and keep me from dissociating...everything is just a million times worse at certian times of the year and i dont know how not to let it be. For me its normally beginning of march to mid April & thanksgiving to just past xmas.