Hi all, new here though I have known of the site for a while. Decided it was time to join as I am part of this community. Hope its okay to be here and share I'm kind of lost right now.
Its the first time I've shared so its a long one I'm afraid. Hope you've got the time to help.
Met an amazing guy nearly 2 years ago. He initiated everything and we saw each other and communicated at a very slow, steady pace, which was fine.
We spoke about a lot in getting to know each other including our jobs (at the time I worked with adults with severe learning disabilities and mental health illnesses).
One evening he randomly mentioned he suffers with PTSD. I simply listened to what he had to say and thanked him for being so open with me. He didn't go in to what the cause was at that time and I didn't question him.
Just let him know that he can talk to me anytime he wishes to.
I could tell over the next few weeks we got closer and he relaxed more as the feelings grew I guess. Then I felt him begin to pull away suddenly when things with us seemed fine and happy.
I left him be for a couple of weeks as it was clear he wanted to be alone but actually say so to avoid hurting me. I wanted to make it easy for him so I text him something he could read and not have to reply to.
Basically said I respect you are dealing with something very difficult and need space and time to do that in your own way. However I would hope you still see as part of the picture in your journey as I accept and care about you the way you are.
He was at work and responded by calling me straight back. We talked for a bit and though controlled I could tell he was emotional as was I with a lump in my throat. He said he wanted to be honest that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now. But how amazing I was etc...
I told him I would still be here for him and he thanked me and it basically ended there very quietly. I let him go without drama as I....loved him and just wanted the best for him. Even without me.
Skip to a year later no contact, I dated a few other guys, nothing serious and nothing that sparked naturally the way I felt with my guy. I had moved on however though of course I still thought of him.
Out of blue one day I receive an email from him saying he hasn't been able to stop thinking about me for a year. He exhausted all resources to track me down just to find me again to contact me. As he no longer had my contact information. And that if I'm available and willing he would love to reconnect with me...
This blew me away as it took me some time to get over him. And I guess I really hadn't as no other guy could compare.
Anyway it just happened to be my birthday coming up and though I had made plans he was coming out with all the gestures and gifts and dates as if to try and woo me all over again. It was sweet but I didn't get it?
We decided to have a talk early on about where we were both at etc...and he says that though his triggers/ symptoms are a lot less he's still dealing with it. He describes himself as feeling 90% "normal" most of the time. He said he still needs to take things slow but that a year apart made him realise that I am everything in a woman he wants etc...
Over next few weeks was Christmas and obviously in to a new year. Things were great and one evening before Christmas he cooked and invited me over as he said he wanted to talk. That night after we ate we sat together and he told me every last detail of the trauma he suffered (it was a brutal gang attack in another country when he was younger). My heart skipped a beat and I held my breath through most of it as I listened and just held on to him. It was very emotional moment for us both...
So we went on from there steadily seeing each other and immersing ourselves more. We have lots of fun laugh out loud moments too, its not all doom and gloom. Recently I've been under some stress with work and other issues and he has been there to support, encourage and advise me 100%! I felt so good to be able to lean on him a little too.
I was a son who I haven't introduced him to yet. As I would never do so unless it was a serious committed relationship. Recently my guy has asked lot questions and shown a lot more interest in knowing about that side of things. He's curious about the relationship my son has with his dad (its non-existent) and it made him mad to learn he chooses not to be part of his life. I didn't say much and he went on a rant in my house about how disgusting it was to treat us that way. I couldn't believe how passionate and compassionate he was being and thought maybe this meant we could start moving forward more seriously.
I already know how I feel about him it just grows deeper and more complex over the time we spend together. We're both in our mid thirties and mature enough to know what we want.
Just recently however I have noticed him pulling away again like he did nearly 2 years ago. I know with PTSD there are times he goes into the 'fog' without warning but will eventually find his way out again if left alone to do it.
I just don't know if this is one of those times or if the level of our relationship/contact is overwhelming him and he's gone for good!
I have learnt in general to never chase a man and let them come to you. I have done so with this guy too but its very hard to know if its PTSD or just messing me about...? I don't truly believe at this stage its the latter and wouldn't accuse him of it.
I am a pretty secure and strong person. I don't need constant reassurance and we've never had the type of relationship that requires constant calling/texting/meeting. There's a quiet feeling of calm and knowing between us that is electric when we are together.
I sent him one text a few days ago letting him know I understand he needs space right now and thanking him for being there for me, when I needed him recently. I told him the message does not require a response and that I care about him and will be here when he's ready.
If it truly is the PTSD keeping him in the fog and away from me right now then I hope that message helps reassure him and take the pressure off. However, how do I know he hasn't just let me go completely and maybe to someone else...
I hope someone has the patience to read this. No one from my real life would ever understand why I would knowingly choose to cope with this. But its simple to me, I love him in spite of it.
Thank you.
Its the first time I've shared so its a long one I'm afraid. Hope you've got the time to help.
Met an amazing guy nearly 2 years ago. He initiated everything and we saw each other and communicated at a very slow, steady pace, which was fine.
We spoke about a lot in getting to know each other including our jobs (at the time I worked with adults with severe learning disabilities and mental health illnesses).
One evening he randomly mentioned he suffers with PTSD. I simply listened to what he had to say and thanked him for being so open with me. He didn't go in to what the cause was at that time and I didn't question him.
Just let him know that he can talk to me anytime he wishes to.
I could tell over the next few weeks we got closer and he relaxed more as the feelings grew I guess. Then I felt him begin to pull away suddenly when things with us seemed fine and happy.
I left him be for a couple of weeks as it was clear he wanted to be alone but actually say so to avoid hurting me. I wanted to make it easy for him so I text him something he could read and not have to reply to.
Basically said I respect you are dealing with something very difficult and need space and time to do that in your own way. However I would hope you still see as part of the picture in your journey as I accept and care about you the way you are.
He was at work and responded by calling me straight back. We talked for a bit and though controlled I could tell he was emotional as was I with a lump in my throat. He said he wanted to be honest that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now. But how amazing I was etc...
I told him I would still be here for him and he thanked me and it basically ended there very quietly. I let him go without drama as I....loved him and just wanted the best for him. Even without me.
Skip to a year later no contact, I dated a few other guys, nothing serious and nothing that sparked naturally the way I felt with my guy. I had moved on however though of course I still thought of him.
Out of blue one day I receive an email from him saying he hasn't been able to stop thinking about me for a year. He exhausted all resources to track me down just to find me again to contact me. As he no longer had my contact information. And that if I'm available and willing he would love to reconnect with me...
This blew me away as it took me some time to get over him. And I guess I really hadn't as no other guy could compare.
Anyway it just happened to be my birthday coming up and though I had made plans he was coming out with all the gestures and gifts and dates as if to try and woo me all over again. It was sweet but I didn't get it?
We decided to have a talk early on about where we were both at etc...and he says that though his triggers/ symptoms are a lot less he's still dealing with it. He describes himself as feeling 90% "normal" most of the time. He said he still needs to take things slow but that a year apart made him realise that I am everything in a woman he wants etc...
Over next few weeks was Christmas and obviously in to a new year. Things were great and one evening before Christmas he cooked and invited me over as he said he wanted to talk. That night after we ate we sat together and he told me every last detail of the trauma he suffered (it was a brutal gang attack in another country when he was younger). My heart skipped a beat and I held my breath through most of it as I listened and just held on to him. It was very emotional moment for us both...
So we went on from there steadily seeing each other and immersing ourselves more. We have lots of fun laugh out loud moments too, its not all doom and gloom. Recently I've been under some stress with work and other issues and he has been there to support, encourage and advise me 100%! I felt so good to be able to lean on him a little too.
I was a son who I haven't introduced him to yet. As I would never do so unless it was a serious committed relationship. Recently my guy has asked lot questions and shown a lot more interest in knowing about that side of things. He's curious about the relationship my son has with his dad (its non-existent) and it made him mad to learn he chooses not to be part of his life. I didn't say much and he went on a rant in my house about how disgusting it was to treat us that way. I couldn't believe how passionate and compassionate he was being and thought maybe this meant we could start moving forward more seriously.
I already know how I feel about him it just grows deeper and more complex over the time we spend together. We're both in our mid thirties and mature enough to know what we want.
Just recently however I have noticed him pulling away again like he did nearly 2 years ago. I know with PTSD there are times he goes into the 'fog' without warning but will eventually find his way out again if left alone to do it.
I just don't know if this is one of those times or if the level of our relationship/contact is overwhelming him and he's gone for good!
I have learnt in general to never chase a man and let them come to you. I have done so with this guy too but its very hard to know if its PTSD or just messing me about...? I don't truly believe at this stage its the latter and wouldn't accuse him of it.
I am a pretty secure and strong person. I don't need constant reassurance and we've never had the type of relationship that requires constant calling/texting/meeting. There's a quiet feeling of calm and knowing between us that is electric when we are together.
I sent him one text a few days ago letting him know I understand he needs space right now and thanking him for being there for me, when I needed him recently. I told him the message does not require a response and that I care about him and will be here when he's ready.
If it truly is the PTSD keeping him in the fog and away from me right now then I hope that message helps reassure him and take the pressure off. However, how do I know he hasn't just let me go completely and maybe to someone else...
I hope someone has the patience to read this. No one from my real life would ever understand why I would knowingly choose to cope with this. But its simple to me, I love him in spite of it.
Thank you.
