Dealing with boundary issues in therapy

[kirbs]

That's really impressive processing and reflection. And as much as it causes us turmoil going through all this, if your T is anything like mine: they love all this! They see this stuff as healing as it brings up past stuff for us and we project onto them. So they like us to unpick it and explore all this and what it means for other relationships.
So, no need to feel stupid. It's all part of the process.

I sent her the message, we had a session afterwards but sadly it felt like we landed in the same vicious circle again of me feeling hurt and her feeling like it's just a difference of experience we have about the event. We had a mutual session with her supervisor but sadly it seems like it's just going to go the direction that we're not a match. In the session led by her supervisor today (me, therapist and her supervisor) she seemed like she was already kind of tapped out, I even asked her how she was feeling halfway through and she sort of mentioned that it's nothing personal but just the theme we're struggling with but felt like she wasn't too enthusiastic (interpretation I know, but just seemed to notice a different shift in her attitude compared to the last weeks).

Tomorrow I'll send my therapist and the supervisor a message with what I want. I just feel so so sad since I loved working with her, and I'll mention that I'd be totally for it if there's anything we can do to resolve it (they're going to talk about my case from their side, internal deliberation at her office), but given that today only moved the needle slightly and I'm not sure it'll work out. There's a good chance I'll be referred to another T inside her office.

Just, so so sad. Am really thankful for everything she did. Also thanks for the replies here, really helped make sense of this. Still have a slight hope that maybe we'll continue though sadly also feel it may not be the case.

 

[Freddyt]

You cross a boundary.
She lets you know / the two of you discuss.
Life goes on.
No harm, no foul, all’s well.

I got crapped all over for NOT calling my T about 4 months in.........

I understand though. This is their professional livelihood. And in being professional - you can't just hand out advice that isn't carefully considered and as correct as it can be. Or do it for free, because people take advantage of that and soon all you are doing is answering the phone for

You didn't state what kind of therapy but I would suggest making sure you have the tools to deal with stuff that comes up between sessions. It is the most help you can give yourself to be proficient with those tools so you can handle things that come up unexpectedly between sessions.

 

[Adobe]

That's really impressive processing and reflection. And as much as it causes us turmoil going through all this, if your T is anything like mine: they love all this! They see this stuff as healing as it brings up past stuff for us and we project onto them. So they like us to unpick it and explore all this and what it means for other relationships.
So, no need to feel stupid. It's all part of the process.

This is after the fact and I appreciate everything I have read.Are there any studies on males seeking out women counselors over male? Effectiveness. Being called to account and deal with more than the interaction of the said feelings. I am not excluding any genders. I just have this thought. Sounds very sexist but not my intent. This probably would not have happened. Women read other women really well on another level. Hope I am not generalizing. But any info done on this? Men can cut through the BS in other men quite well. Learning. I have no opine. Just curious.

This is after the fact and I appreciate everything I have read.Are there any studies on males seeking out women counselors over male? Effectiveness. Being called to account and deal with more than the interaction of the said feelings. I am not excluding any genders. I just have this thought. Sounds very sexist but not my intent. This probably would not have happened. Women read other women really well on another level. Hope I am not generalizing. But any info done on this? Men can cut through the BS in other men quite well. Learning. I have no opine. Just curious.

Also I just read the DSM diagnosis and symptoms of PTSD again. Why aren’t the therapists starting with the initial traumatic situations or situation? The dealing with dysregulation,disassociation, anger, etc etc all the symptoms of The diagnosis. This is my uneducated take. I would rather start at the initial event rather than talk about my interaction with the therapist. The therapist sets those boundaries and why waste precious time on something that in my opinion is a bunny trail.

 

[Rose White]

ke. I would rather start at the initial event rather than talk about my interaction with the therapist.

You might be surprised to hear that there is a whole field of therapy (often called psychoanalysis) which focuses primarily on the interactions of the client and therapist in the room, in real time, to the exclusion of any experiences outside of session. Why? Because those are the real feelings of the client, which are a microcosm of how the client interacts with people in real life. Such a therapist hones in on the “problem relationships” in a person’s life and then recreates that dynamic (to an extent) for the purpose of bringing the client’s reactions to their attention. In such kind of therapy it is expected that the therapeutic relationship will be triggering all kinds of emotions that the client typically feels some resistance toward and the safety of the therapy container allows them to work through their maladaptive processing until the knots are worked out.

Some therapists incorporate elements of analytic work while also working on outside and past events. It’s quite normal for clients to process their relationships with their therapists, though for people who are not inclined to work this way it can seem surprising that clients and therapists work this way.

 

[Adobe]

You might be surprised to hear that there is a whole field of therapy (often called psychoanalysis) which focuses primarily on the interactions of the client and therapist in the room, in real time, to the exclusion of any experiences outside of session. Why? Because those are the real feelings of the client, which are a microcosm of how the client interacts with people in real life. Such a therapist hones in on the “problem relationships” in a person’s life and then recreates that dynamic (to an extent) for the purpose of bringing the client’s reactions to their attention. In such kind of therapy it is expected that the therapeutic relationship will be triggering all kinds of emotions that the client typically feels some resistance toward and the safety of the therapy container allows them to work through their maladaptive processing until the knots are worked out.

Some therapists incorporate elements of analytic work while also working on outside and past events. It’s quite normal for clients to process their relationships with their therapists, though for people who are not inclined to work this way it can seem surprising that clients and therapists work this way.

Thank you for clearing that up. I am feeling like that type of therapy would be difficult for me and how I process. But maybe that is what works for many people. I think I would get confused and wonder where we were going. I know Gestalt therapy does work and I would like it to speak with those who inflicted the trauma and myself and those who stood by. I would not want to be dealing with the interaction with my therapist who is at the same time probably working on her/his interaction with me. I think I should not say more. I am in over my education on the subject. I will look forward to trying to understand this approach. Thank you again.

I thought psychoanalysis was linked to Freud. This type of therapy seems new and different than Freuds’s approach. It must be something I should read about as my insurance now has contracted providers in our area. Based on the DSM I would want to stay close to home. I agree that it can be an example of how one relates in their interactions to people. So, I can see it as valuable. However , for me I would want it to come a little further on after we have dealt with the root causes of why I interact the way I do. After we had time together and then work on observation and application. So I will write no more but will interview the approach to therapy when I get a T. I am so glad for this awareness. Again, thank you.

 

[Rose White]

@Hulda from my limited understanding these practitioners tend to call themselves analysts. It is also not terribly popular among insurance carriers because analysts often see their patients multiple times a week (sometimes five days a week) and for many years. It is unlikely that you would randomly run into them, they typically are sought after for their alternative style. Additionally, many current therapists distance themselves from Freud as much as possible, looking more toward models from the last 50 years or so. Rogers and Adler come to mind, but even they might be considered old school.

Insurance tends to like short term results-oriented approaches such as CBT and DBT. EMDR is very popular for trauma therapy with lots of people on here finding good results from it. In my limited experience, transference-based relational therapy is even a little harder to find these days. That said, even therapists whose primary mode is CBT have some training in transference as it’s so common, even expected, when working on attachment and trauma wounds. Talking about feelings is not the same as feeling feelings, as much as our ego’s would like it to be—much more dignified and cleaner to stay in a logical and analytical state of mind!

 

[Deleted member 42984]

males seeking out women counselors over male?

That is highly individual and depends on the gender of the abuser(s), your willingness/readyness for exposure and using transference as part of the healing work. A lot of factors to consider.

 

[Adobe]

@Hulda from my limited understanding these practitioners tend to call themselves analysts. It is also not terribly popular among insurance carriers because analysts often see their patients multiple times a week (sometimes five days a week) and for many years. It is unlikely that you would randomly run into them, they typically are sought after for their alternative style. Additionally, many current therapists distance themselves from Freud as much as possible, looking more toward models from the last 50 years or so. Rogers and Adler come to mind, but even they might be considered old school.

Insurance tends to like short term results-oriented approaches such as CBT and DBT. EMDR is very popular for trauma therapy with lots of people on here finding good results from it. In my limited experience, transference-based relational therapy is even a little harder to find these days. That said, even therapists whose primary mode is CBT have some training in transference as it’s so common, even expected, when working on attachment and trauma wounds. Talking about feelings is not the same as feeling feelings, as much as our ego’s would like it to be—much more dignified and cleaner to stay in a logical and analytical state of mind!

Ok….this is clearing up. I am understanding. I did ask Dr. Catalyst the most effective therapies for CPTSD. I think that I understand. I know I feel when I am alone and in an off day. I am very analytical in my approach and that can be balanced out more with opening up my emotions. So my questions probably give a headache. However, I am going into the night tonight knowing more than when we started and no BCBS would not pay for that type of therapy. Probably DBT or CBT but definitely talk therapy. I will know when I meet the person. Thank you for continuing on with me. Your last explanation cleared so much up for me.

 

[kirbs]

Well to round the topic off, got done today speaking to the supervisor and it seems I'm done at the place (the practice as a whole including my old t and supervisor). I'm pretty flummoxed still but everything I saw also talking with the supervisor etc. gave me such bad vibes. I had a talk with the psychiatrist this afternoon and it kind of freaked me out so I sent a message saying I'd like to end treatment (I was feeling insecure at the place for some time but the psychiatrist talk felt so weird) and an hour later the supervisor called me to say we could end therapy as a whole right then and there. There were 2 more therapy sessions scheduled (1 with the psychiatrist) but they've now been cancelled too. I'm just so speechless since it happened so fast, I felt bad about being so final in my message to the supervisor and wanted to send that it was a bit rash but when she called me it already felt done. It just feels so bizarre how quickly things escalated but the place felt so bad (even the talk with the psychiatrist felt so weird). 1 hour after the call the supervisor called back to revise and said I can call in a month's time again if I do want to continue but I feel just so crappy about the whole thing (esp that her knee-jerk reaction was to literally drop the whole thing after my message like that)

 

[Movingforward10]

I’m sorry. That is really tough and feels like there was no space offered to you to digest that, consider it with them, and no referrals to new places or support whilst you find new therapists? Seems really unethical……

a lot for you to digest and process.

 

[kirbs]

I’m sorry. That is really tough and feels like there was no space offered to you to digest that, consider it with them, and no referrals to new places or support whilst you find new therapists? Seems really unethical……

a lot for you to digest and process.

Thank you, it's what has me most perturbed. The same thing happened with my therapist where it feels like there was no follow-up when things went south and I haven't even spoken to her about the therapy ending (and it seems like there for sure never will be now) even though Iw as getting really attached to her. They said I could talk to my GP and ask him for suggestions for referrals but it pretty much ended right then and there besides that. Initially she also wanted to write the letter to my GP summarizing my treatment on the phone at that time (!) and I said I was really nervous since I'd like to read it on my own instead of having her read it out loud on the phone and she declined saying I needed to decide what to do. She called again an hour later and said she changed her mind I could decide in a month's time and had the oppertunity to read it beforehand on my own but the interactions as a whole at the practice felt so very weird and volatile

 

[Friday]

1 hour after the call the supervisor called back to revise and said I can call in a month's time again if I do want to continue

It sounds as if there was a misunderstanding about whether you/they were terminating for cause, (everything ends immediately, and lawyers/licensing boards/ courts/ etc. may become involved; new GP letters needed, etc.); or terminating for conflict of personality/confusion about next steps (cooling off period of a month, you can interview other practitioners & clinics, but are also welcome back if you decide to stick with them).