Relationship Dealing With The Breakup-push/pull

[Empath16]

I'm new here...trying to get suggestions on how to deal with being pushed away from my recently learned (2 months ago) PTSD lover when I whole heartedly want to support and be there for him. He's very closed off and non-communicative, so knowing all that he deals with is tough. He out of nowhere did open up to me 3 weeks ago about being molested by his uncle and his uncle not going to jail for it. I also know he was in an accident where a guy on a motorcycle ran a red light and hit the side of his car & died right before his eyes. He didn't go to prison for that but ended up going to prison a year later for doing something illegal after losing his job as a result of the accident and not being able to get another job cuz he had a felony because of the accident. I don't know of any other traumas but I do know those 3 are enough to develop PTSD.

I encouraged him to get therapy after I realized he was having nightmares about the accident. It's been a really rough past few months and got worst once he started therapy for the first time a little over 2 months ago. It's been very stressful dealing with him and I haven't been the happiest person but me being such an empath, I always want to "fix" people. I know I can't fix anyone & especially not someone suffering with a mental disorder but my heart and feelings wants to do whatever I can to help, especially someone I love.

It's only been 4 days but I miss him so much and I'm trying to cope with not seeing or talking to him. I know it's best to let him be since he said he wants to focus on his healing, so I've got to figure out a way to focus on healing my broken heart.

Any suggestions and/or encouragement is appreciated.

 

[Mac Jordan]

Hi and welcome fellow new member, you're right when you say you can't fix people. BUT, you can give them as much love and support, and comfort them (enough to not smother.) Let him know you're here for him, you shouldn't go days without talking to him, i understand he needs space but i insist you do check up on him once a day if it doesn't cause you any trouble. A "hey, hope you're doing well, i hope therapy goes well today, you got this." etc. can go a long way for someone struggling with PTSD. My girlfriend is the same way and unintentionally pushes away due to her mental illnesses, but the smallest bit of support helps her for a couple of hours and that's how I know i'm doing something to help.

 

[Empath16]

Hi and welcome fellow new member, you're right when you say you can't fix people. BUT, you can give...

Thank u so much for your suggestion. We had a face to face talk for almost an hour (I did more of the talking) after he told me he wanted to break up. The last time he did this he said he needed his space not that he wanted to break up so I was checking on him by asking how his day was and did he eat (he would not eat) and so forth. This time he told me he didn't want me doing that, he said he would be ok, he just wants to focus on him and he wants to do it alone. He said he's tired of letting this baggage dictate the outcome of his life and he said it's affecting his kids too. This is his first time getting therapy and he said he's taking it serious cuz he really wants to get better & be happily married one day. This is why I've stayed away because I don't want to be a trigger for him to get upset or stir up some kinda violation of space emotion.

 

[Sweetpea76]

you shouldn't go days without talking to him, i understand he needs space but i insist you do check up on him once a day if it doesn't cause you any trouble. A "hey, hope you're doing well, i hope therapy goes well today, you got this." etc. can go a long way for someone struggling with PTSD.

Unless your sufferer has asked for space... then doing this is a severe boundary violation.

 

[Empath16]

Unless your sufferer has asked for space... then doing this is a severe boundary violation.

.
Yes he did ask for space to work on it alone.

 

[Empath16]

I'm new here...trying to get suggestions on how to deal with being pushed away from my recently learne...

Today is pretty tough. I miss him and want to text or call but I'm fighting it best I can.

 

[ldj]

I feel your pain. I'm in the same boat. It's tough. It's not fair. But just have to keep telling myself, whatever I'm suffering is nothing compared with what he's going through. What's the latest?? Hope you're ok xx