Delay In Processing Emotions?

[bell]

So, does anyone else have a problem with a delay in emotion processing?

I guess I should be thankful because now I actually have proper emotional responses, but lately, I've found that it takes me days to figure out what that emotion actually is.

I kind of feel like I need one of those charts they use for autistic children that display a frowny face, a smiling face, an angry face, in order to uncover how I feel, yet I know that won't work either... as I need for the emotion itself to show itself. Right now, it's just there, waiting to be formed into an actual emotion. Grrr. This all sounds so stupid and elementary and probably makes no sense at all!

But, after hearing something yesterday, the emotion is just sitting like a rock in my stomach, waiting to be processed. I don't know how I feel about it, I just know that the emotion is there, waiting to be translated.

I'm worried that today I'll hear something else, and the same thing will happen and then soon I'll have a million "emotion rocks" in my stomach that have nowhere to go as they wait (im)patiently to be "translated" into how I actually feel.

Anyone else feel this way? And if so, how do you respond to people in the interim while you're waiting to discern how you really feel about something? Is this something that improves over time? Help!

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I have this or something similar - it baffles me how you can not know if you are having a panic attack which is one of the more extreme emotional states I have not been able to deliver. Nothing I experience makes sense and everything I experience is so distant I can't connect to it whether good or bad.

Luckily I suppose I don't really spend any time around others except my closest family but I still fake the emotions that they want or expect and later realise or assess that I must have been happy or annoyed or whatever it was I truly was experienced - which I usually have to calculate from the facts I had at the time with distance.

All in all it means I never truly experience any emotions fully even at their strongest which is not so bad in relation to trauma but on a day to day basis or in relation to happiness or positive feelings my whole world is very limited.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Oh, I'm pretty sure it's a form of dissociation but I'm sure others will chime in and share their experiences with this.

 

[Seasounds]

Yes, I deal with this same situation. I was caught in the "freeze" portion, of 'fight , flight, or freeze response to frightening events from childhood. In adulthood, I would emotionally freeze after any encounter. Over the years, living with the intention to be more in the moment, the time gap between the event (triggering my emotions) and when I realize my feelings, has decreased.

This process just happened to me yesterday. It can be aggravating. I had to wait a day before I was clear about my feelings. Usually, by spending time alone in a safe environment helps. Like you, I'm grateful for being able to feel and process emotions, at all. (Couldn't do this in years past.)

 

[RdeC]

Hi Bell, what you describe sounds very much psychic or emotional numbing when, as you say, we can't feel any appropriate responsive emotion or we know we should but 'nothing' is there. Emotion is generated in the subconscious limbic system but felt or experienced in the conscious brain via the anterior cingulate cortex, a neurological substructure where the conscious and subconscious meet. There appears to be some form of highly efficient gating system that prevents emotional overload being passed into the conscious brain which I believe is the principal trigger for PTSD developing in the first place.

It is annoying and I imagine worrying also. Is there anyone you can discuss these emotions and their causal events with as this would possibly force them into the conscious mind?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

YES!

I liken it to being caught in the "freeze" state as well. Mine is a bit different. I think I'm ok with something, and oftentimes push through. (Like being around my mom.) I don't know until 2-3 days later when I break down in a state of heightened anxiety that the preceding situation was too much for me.

I've tried to fight it, figure it out, etc, but it seems to be so deep inside me that I just have to avoid negative situations altogether.

 

[Abstract]

This is the story of my life. It was so extreme in the past I had no connection to things that happened. And I would end up with a million emotional rocks in my stomach and suddenly, without warning. Its a little like being run over by a train and not knowing when it is going to happen.

Not only that but I actually have missing information about what has happened too that come back randomly way after. Sometimes even a year after I will be hit by a string of occurrences and the attached emotions and it isn't the nicest experience. !!!

The thing that helped me the most was diarising every day and looking for the emotions that should be attached to various experiences. Also looking for what happened and attempting to experience and acknowledge them. I would also try to stay present all the time and check in to see what I was feeling during the day and still do that. It is all much improved from what it was thank goodness. It took enormous amounts of hard work but has changed my life. I am still very bad but a million times better than I used to be. I still loose information too unfortunately. I don't mean in a way where you tune out and never get it back but rather in a minute or two being deleted and then coming back with a hundred other deleted minutes and their emotions.

PS. I also think it is worthwhile doing some work on where you feel emotions in your body and how to identify them if you haven't done that already.

 

[quic]

I believe is the principal trigger for PTSD developing in the first place.

I agree. This may be the common "glitch" in all who have PTSD. Thanks for that great explanation RdeC.

It is very possible to learn or relearn how to recognize and process emotions as they appear. For me it involves addressing the fear that is attached to letting these emotions come to the surface. We have to learn to go where we dont want to go (mentally).

 

[Meadowsweet]

I experience this too. In terms of trauma, there are emotions that I haven't accepted yet, after years.

But in terms of everyday experiences, I am beginning to make a mental note of the things that I recognise effect me. Then when the emotion comes later in the week, I'm able to associate it to what happened. For example, I might recieve a criticism, and though I know that is something I'm sensitive to, I don't feel affected by it. But then a couple of days later, I might become anxious, and start to get paranoid about what people think of me, or have intrusions of trauma etc. And whereas I used to think it was just happening for no reason, I recognise where those feelings have come from now.

I'm not great at doing this yet, but with practise I am getting better at it.

 

[EverOnly358]

Me, too. I mean, I relate to so much of this. I guess I thought it was just me. For the most part, if I try to acknowledge something like sadness... I start intellectually... in that I believe, given the situation and the outcome that's bothering me, the most likely response for me is sadness. Then I try to see if I'm actually sad. (Much like you said with the cards with a smiling face or frowny face or angry face). And then, if I am sad, I might actually start crying. But mostly... if I start crying, I dissociate (when I started crying during my childhood abuse, that's the moment when things got worse). So, it's weird and awful. Like I can't just feel emotions. So, I guess I'm saying you're not alone, you're not the only one that struggles with this stuff.

I find anger impossible to bring up. I know I'm angry. I like how you phrased it @bell, like it's sitting like a rock in my stomach. That's it exactly! But since I can't handle being angry, it just won't come out.

Anyways. Journaling really helps make things clear to me. And setting aside time alone where I fell safe to just let myself feel whatever emotion I need to feel. I usually dissociate a lot, but then I try again. (Which... I'm not sure is good advice... I'm not sure it's a good idea to try to access my emotions over and over again if the end result is dissociating. Just... there's this urgency to figure out what I'm feeling, too. Hmmm.)

Also, when I deal with people outside of my family... I often act just the way people expect me to, calm and happy, but I put all my actual reactions to the side, and they hit me later. I've learned to deal with this by getting more sleep. The whole thing is exhausting. After sleeping, I can usually process what happened and figure out what bothered me the most and make some decisions about how to handle things better in the future.

I hope this helps a little. This is a really good thread.
D

 

[arfie]

Another yes here.

Separating nature from nurture is tricky, at best, but I believe this is part of my nature. I can easily see many of the places where I have carried it to destructive extremes, but it is the quality which makes me the person to call in a crisis. I can deal with abnormal circumstances with greater than average efficiency. Think first, feel later.

Remembering to process the feelings later would be my personal Catch 22.

 

[Anonymous28376573]

After I went through my deepest depression I had troubles displaying emotions myself, but now I'm not a very emotional person nothing makes me cry anymore really. Exception being those Saint Jude commercials and the like. That's just sad.