Hallo people who read this. :oops:
I was just curious if anyone else has this issue?
Basically, I feel as though really nothing's real. I feel like my body and actions and words are just a fake, a front while inside I'm just numbly puppeteering my body. I feel like everything's disconnected. My memory has worsened tremendously because I'm always just numb and on autopilot. I feel nothing for long periods of time.
I have diagnosed PTSD, but honestly the dissociative symptoms I described above have been getting frightening and just overall extremely distressing. I feel sort of trapped in my own head.
Its funny...i just wrote how frightening and distressing this all is. But strangely.....even though I know it is, and I know I should feel that way, and I know on some level I should feel that way...I kinda don't? There's three parts of me it feels like. The outer puppet, my body, that is just a decoy. That smiles and talks and goes through the day. But its just an empty puppet... Nothing going through its head. Then there's the second part of me that seems to be the source of the numbness. Then the third part of me is my brain, my inner dialogue. In my head, I'm screaming and begging for my feelings to come back, but no actual feelings come up. I know how I should feel. I know how I do feel. But I don't...feel. Everything is so...muted...I don't know what to do or what's going on or what's real or what's not anymore...I want this gone. I want to be real...
Is this a separate disorder (depersonalization/derealization disorder) or is this just maybe a subtype of my PTSD? All I know is, I just want this to stop. I want to feel real again. I want to feel again. I don't know what I should do. If simple grounding techniques will work, if I need pills...will this stop? I'm so so sorry if I seem melodramatic. I just want know know if I'm alone. Or if I'm gonna be broken lime this forever. I don't wanna be like this my whole life....there's no point in living anymore if this is how I'll feel forever...
I was just curious if anyone else has this issue?
Basically, I feel as though really nothing's real. I feel like my body and actions and words are just a fake, a front while inside I'm just numbly puppeteering my body. I feel like everything's disconnected. My memory has worsened tremendously because I'm always just numb and on autopilot. I feel nothing for long periods of time.
I have diagnosed PTSD, but honestly the dissociative symptoms I described above have been getting frightening and just overall extremely distressing. I feel sort of trapped in my own head.
Its funny...i just wrote how frightening and distressing this all is. But strangely.....even though I know it is, and I know I should feel that way, and I know on some level I should feel that way...I kinda don't? There's three parts of me it feels like. The outer puppet, my body, that is just a decoy. That smiles and talks and goes through the day. But its just an empty puppet... Nothing going through its head. Then there's the second part of me that seems to be the source of the numbness. Then the third part of me is my brain, my inner dialogue. In my head, I'm screaming and begging for my feelings to come back, but no actual feelings come up. I know how I should feel. I know how I do feel. But I don't...feel. Everything is so...muted...I don't know what to do or what's going on or what's real or what's not anymore...I want this gone. I want to be real...
Is this a separate disorder (depersonalization/derealization disorder) or is this just maybe a subtype of my PTSD? All I know is, I just want this to stop. I want to feel real again. I want to feel again. I don't know what I should do. If simple grounding techniques will work, if I need pills...will this stop? I'm so so sorry if I seem melodramatic. I just want know know if I'm alone. Or if I'm gonna be broken lime this forever. I don't wanna be like this my whole life....there's no point in living anymore if this is how I'll feel forever...
