Desperate For Advice Please

[A little lost]

no one has never believed me about things, so why would I think this time was going to be any different?

Just noticed yet another bad typo which makes it say the complete opposite of what it should have said. That should have said
"No one has ever believed me...."

I want to reply to each of you in turn please, I really do appreciate your input and thank each and every one of you.

The blame thing is one of my biggest stumbling blocks and something I struggle with in a HUGE way. I blame myself for everything, there has to be a reason why all this stuff happened. If I knew what I was doing wrong to cause it I could try to fix it. What did I do wrong?
Anyway, that's an issue I need to find an answer to, there is too much for it all to have been 'bad luck' or just wrong place wrong time.....there has to be a reason. I just want to know why.
Ok, got to stop this mind loop....it can send me down fast if I don't move off this subject.
Thanks for the chicken suggestion Anonymous, I don't think I would have the guts to even try that with my counsellor. Though I get what you are saying. The only reason I told her about that particular event was because it's the only ...erm....crap, what word ???...why can't I bloody say this??!!!
My mind has stopped again!!
ok, try again....it's the only event I didn't particularly blame myself for. I can't help that I was short and small, I can't help that I can't see very much without my specs or that I couldn't swim as fast as everyone else and got left behind, was the smallest, youngest and quietest one there. I do know that if I hadn't been wearing that little bikini and was in a full swimming costume he wouldn't have been able to ...erm...FFS!!..why won't head let me bloody speak???...er...able to do what he did as easily. He might not have come after me if I'd been in a proper swimsuit. I didn't speak French so I don't even know what he was saying after when he swam off laughing.
I don't know why my counsellor is saying it's my fault or why she won't tell me what she thinks I did wrong. I couldn't do anything ...I was face down under the water .. was fighting just to try and get snatches of air I had no way of stopping what he was doing....
Got to go, can't do thissorry