Desperation vs Delight… in finding someone like ourselves.

[Friday]

Desperation vs Delight …In finding SOMEONE like ourselves.

Have you experienced this? Needing it? Wanting it? Finding it?

Or the inverse / counter?

 

[mamachick]

I have not really. I have met those with similarities. I have meet those who pretend to be like me, think and act like me. I have been fooled by actors. I have seen thru actors and ignored because I needed "something" and thought that something they did made me feel good. I feel like we are as different as snowflakes.

 

[Movingforward10]

As in a partner?

I think my partner and I are different in many ways. We think differently. We communicate differently. We need different things from each other. And that difference works for us.
Where we are similar is: our politics, our way of seeing the world, what we think is kind behaviour to each other. So there are similarities.

 

[OutsideHumanity]

im not quite sure if i understood this correctly, but someone as in anyone or partner or friends?

i dont think im one to talk tbh... i have not encountered a lot of people who seem like me/us... i know of a few fictional characters that i see myself in but otherwise, not really...
some people that i meet outside and around, seem similar to me but no one really seems to have the same.. depth...? i dont really know how to say it without sounding kinda full of myself ig... which is a good thing tbh, i dont want anyone to have gone through the same things as me but at the same time it feels isolating when there is no one who seems similar... and even if there is, i think my avoidance of people in general would probably not let me get too close to that person anyway...

i agree with mamachick though, i think some might seem more or less similar but in the end everyone is unique,, like snowflakes... but differences in the people we know/are friends with, isnt necessarily a bad thing.. and sometimes opposites attract anyway i guess...

 

[arfie]

posilutely, i experience this conundrum. after 50 years of intensive use of peer support, i still feel the conflict between the delight of being understood and the grief that these horrors are common enough that other people can relate. then we get to the issues of trusting somebody who is as damaged as i am.

sigh. . . can i call it yet another space where i am damned if i do and damned if i don't? yeah, i have plenty of euphemisms i can use for reframing. mostly i just let the mystery be. it is what it is, whether i understand it, or knot. i add only the hope that healing can happen here. just hoping.

 

[DogTired]

I've got a PTSD buddy, a vet like me, similar experiences, same problems, and same age.
We talk, laugh, moan, rave, and swap ideas.
He's actually a really nice guy, unless triggered.
Only problem is he lives miles away. So locally, I've got nothing.
BUT, he knows my timetable as I do his so we talk often where it's so nice to chat without having to translate our thoughts from Mil-speak to civilian.

 

[mamachick]

elight of being understood and the grief that these horrors are common enough that other people can relate. then we get to the issues of trusting somebody who is as damaged as i am.

Well said. That is is a complete truth for me.

 

[parrotthepolly]

When I was younger I thought I needed to meet someone with similar experiences and mindset as me and was waiting for them to appear. Never met anyone similar to me in all areas ...

Now I know that's not possible at all since everyone is completely unique once you get to know them, even with many shared experiences. It's no use striving for perfection and waiting around.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Finding those with similar experience can be equally validating. Self-doubt and minimisation of what we don’t properly understand is a less easy trap to fall into when a shared experience.

I feel desperation, at the moment. I know I shouldn't rely on others to tell me what I’m already experiencing is real, but it is easier to take myself seriously and find resources on what to do, when others know what’s up first-hand, and have more words for it than I do… Isolation VS documented and shared phenomena.
Tricky.

 

[Movingforward10]

Thinking this through further: my business partner and I seemingly have a very similar mindset with our vision, our values. We often say something the other has been thinking. And we laugh a lot that we are like 'sisters with different misters' or whatever the saying is!
But we are hugely different! Different ethnicities, different family experiences, different sexualities.

So, what does similarity and difference mean?