Destroying My Life Via Anxiety

[jellfish]

So I am a fairly "intelligent" person and if not intelligent, I'm pretty good with music. Please, do not tell me to "pour myself into my music" for my mental illness. I already do, and anxiety makes it more difficult. For the past 4 months I have vomited every day and now I am getting intense headaches regularly because I cannot eat and I am afraid to eat.

As a history note in my own life, I should probably mention that my dad would casually tell me to starve myself to lose weight. I have a lot of pathology surrounding food. And generally I was in a constant state of dread when I lived at home.

I got a new psychiatrist because my psychiatrist doesn't take me particularly seriously. I am not looking for drugs, I want a real solution and I practice so much exercises all the time to try to stop my heart from racing and sometimes it works but I cannot stop vomiting. I got an endoscopy and everything is fine, and I'm going to get my gallbladder checked for functioning but I'm afraid I am never going to get better because of this anxiety.

And I don't understand why this anxiety is any different than when I lived at home. Living with my dad was very stressful emotionally for me but I just slept a lot, now I can't sleep and I DON'T want sleep medication, I want some real solution but I'm going to end up dropping out of school and ruining my whole life and relationships because I can't leave the house.

I should mention I have a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder Type 1. I have dealt with anxiety for a very long time but never like this and I'd like to just die instead of watching my life crumble around me. I want to move away from this place and I want to live my life in a place that feels like home but I don't think I'll ever get there.

But at least, what should I tell my new psychiatrist? Maybe I haven't exhausted all the possibilities...

 

[twinkle30]

Are you in the United States? If you are you might consider an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). Most psych hospitals will have one. Basically you go to very intensive therapy either all day or in the evening if you work for about 6 weeks. In that time they teach you DBT skills which are coping skills for things like anxiety and depression. For me this program was life changing.

If you don't have such a program near you look for a therapist that is trained in either DBT or CBT skills. That way you will learn actual skills to deal with anxiety.

 

[joeylittle]

Do you suspect you have PTSD?

Look into Jon Kabat-Zinn; he's a mindfulness guy, his books are great, and it's all very practical stuff with decent science to back it up.

Also: how are you managing your bipolar diagnosis - any meds in play there?

 

[lithium-mom]

Do you suspect you have PTSD?

Look into Jon Kabat-Zinn; he's a mindfulness guy, his books are great,...

Hi! I suspect I have the C-PTSD, which isn't even in the DSM5. Ah, I don't know much about these things but I did have a therapist who suggested I have PTSD from being assaulted.

Today was actually a success in that I went to see my new psychiatrist and I am on three medications (have been) Abilify, Topamax and Prozac. Hopefully they will make a difference but I am in a high stress situation I.E I am retraumatized every day because I live with a friend who is also going through a very emotional time. Basically she tried to kill herself a week ago and I woke up with her next to me. I'm still quite shaken.