Poll Did Your Trauma Effect Your Religious Views?

[OKRADLAK]

Mercy, have you posted any of your works? I would love to see them. I think the icons are so beautiful. I heard they came from the Romans gods at first . Is that true?

 

[Queen Boudica]

I see a big part of my trauma was caused by my mother and her Catholic fundamentalist views.

Evil, burning in hell. We were always evil and going to burn in hell. On our knees at night praying the rosary, for forgiveness for our sins. Her ideas about sex. Sex was evil, ony for procreation. Homophobia. Honour thy Mother (father he was not catholic, he would burn in hell)

Travelling to and from church, fights in the car there and back. But expected to be perfect in church. Dressed in the our Sunday best clothes that she chose for us. Dressed like twins sometimes, her perfect daughters.

I had a nightmare where there was a monster on top of me, growling on top of me in bed. I told my mother. She told me it was because I was so bad, and the devil was coming to get me. I must pray lots, on my knees doing the rosary.

Little did she know that when I went to church I was staring at that image of Christ on the Cross, wondering what was underneath that loin cloth and fantasizing about it. And then feeling so guilty like I was so disgusting and evil.She was right, I would burn in hell, that was the devil coming to get me. He knew how evil I was.

Later on she gave up on the Catholic church and was into all sorts of weird stuff. Wanted to make me read her books and believe it cause she did. NEVER.

But there is something about that Catholic imagery still. It is comforting. Something about it. Even though I will never have anything to do with it again.

 

[Jacquie]

After I snapped, I cant 'connect' any more (major grief) because in that connection is the 'joy'. The connection comes from noticing the details. My eyes cant see them (physically cant see them) and my ears cant hear them and my taste is gone too. No details = no connection = no joy. But I know its *me* thats the problem. The details are still there, but for some reason my senses cant get them into my brain. Sadness. Just sadness.

 

[Kb3]

Hi Lizio, my parents weren't strict Catholics, but they did make me go to church every week whether I wanted to or not. I could never see the point and also remember sitting there thinking about inappropriate stuff :cautious: during sermons. We also had to be good in church or be severely told off!

The Catholic church seemed to embody everything creepy and old about my relatives, something dark, mysterious, solemn and unknowable. I also worried about my intrinsic badness and that I would go to hell.

My mother broke with the church when her sister died young from cancer, but my father is a former altar boy and still goes faithfully. I stopped going for a long time, and abandoned all things spiritual.

When I was traumatized a few years ago, I found my way back to God and the church fast. They were a safe haven, a God I could trust and an actual physical building I could sit in to talk to Him in peace. All of the things about the church that had turned me off as a kid now brought me comfort. The silence, the solemnity, the ritual, they all provided me with a sense of security and a space to fight my demons. This was a place that understood suffering. Even the religious icons brought me peace, popping into my head during times of distress.

I guess what I love about the church is that whether I want it or not, it's always there. Completely out of step with the modern world and tone deaf at times to its needs, but STILL THERE. I have come not to judge it on its response to people's individual needs, but on it's ability to remain a platform to God and haven for those who seek Him. And for that I am grateful to it.:)

 

[Anna Banana]

I remember waking every Sunday morning with my mother ripping the covers off me and screaming "Get the hell out of bed, you lazy (something). You're going to make us late for church, damn it!" So, coming from a Christian/Baptist background, I have really learned to HATE Christianity. But, in my late 20's, I had a spiritual experience that basically felt like God kicking me in the butt and saying, "Hey, you wanted proof? Here I am!" So, although I don't believe in organized religion and have looked into most all of them, including a 2 year stint in Scientology (ugh), I have discovered a belief system called Seicho No Ei. It basically says that all religions are correct and that it's just a matter of how you want to go to the top of the Mountain (the top being Nirvana, God, Becoming One with God, etc.)...Some people zigzag up and down, some circle around, and some become so enlightened that they go straight to the top. It says we are all children of and part of God. So, I'm reading all I can and have procrastinated on the meditation at this point, but plan to start soon. Who know if this is my spiritual answer, but after everything I've been through, it can't hurt. Eh?

My husband is Buddhist and I have turned in that direction for the past 4 years, but still felt that since there were so many sects of that, as with the other religions I've studied...it was too limiting for me.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

My trauma merely confirmed my faith.

 

[SadDreamer]

It definitely Caused me to adopt entirely new beliefs. I was raised catholic. But my trauma seemed to really "open my eyes" to a new world, a raw world, with more truth, but also , with more horrific detail to what is really happening around the world.
It also opened my eyes to the "cookie cutter" ,happy, "God" my catholic upbringing had taught me.

I currently believe that what makes us who we are can neither be created nor destroyed, as matter is neither created nor destroyed. That our energy lives on through different means after we pass. I believe we are all part of the same things, therefore are all interconnected. That is my new view. I believe that God is everything that exists.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm not sure if there is anything traumas (or what resulted) didn't affect, but not necessarily all badly.

Positive or negative, I can never say it left me with a 'generic' belief; I passionately believed or passionately felt God was no longer there, but I never wondered 'if' He existed.

 

[Lionheart]

I was very religious before the trauma. After the trauma, I believed that God had abandoned me or at the very least was punishing me. It took many years before I realized that it was people who had failed me and not God. The part of me that I thought had "died" was only buried deep inside to protect it from further damage and so from that I developed a new faith in the way God works.

 

[Girl3]

When I was a little girl I used to pray fervently to God to save me from the terrible things happening to me. I prayed that he would change my family. I always went to church with anyone that would take me because my own family didn't go. When I was in junior high I even played piano in a gospel group and got saved. The year after I got saved I was gang raped. But I still went to church, believing that somehow I had failed God and that He was punishing me for being bad. This went on for decades. When my exhusband was abusing me, I would pray to God to change me so that I would be 'good' enough and my husband would stop attacking me. Then sometimes I would pray for God to just kill him and that I would do anything for God if He would just kill my ex.

After my current husband took my daughter from me and hid her from me for two weeks, I knew that God didn't care about me. He is there, He exists - but He doesn't care about me personally. I still go to church, and I still pray - but not for myself, because there is no point.

 

[Queen Boudica]

((((((((((Girl3)))))))))))))))

There is a point. No matter what your beliefs. You are worth praying for.

You have not failed God. A lot of horrible people have failed you and have abused you. That is not your fault. That is their fault, and you have not failed. Gang rape is not something that you can have any blame for, neither can you blame yourself for your family, you were a helpless child. Or for your husband. And there is no way there is a God who is punishing you by making those things happen to you. Would the God you pray to really want to punish an innocent child? (because that is what you were when you were abused by your family).

I know there is not very much I can say I think you sound so down, and I know that feeling, but I am praying for you to feel better. I don't believe in a God, but I do believe in good thoughts and kind words, and positive energy can help heal. So I hope you will feel that.

There is a point. If only for your daughter, you know she wants a mother, a happy mother. Start with that and soon you will realise that you are worth praying for.

 

[Girl3]

Your words and thoughts are kind and sweet. My daughter is all I have that makes me happy.