Didn't Even Know

[Pantherpants]

To begin, I was deployed twice w 3ID, to do high speed stuff and then invade. There was a point (that I'm getting EMDR treatment for at the VA) where I lost the ability to have emotions like a normal human, apparently. We all know what happened afterwards, the drinking, over compensating, etc, and I'm now married to a civilian guy. It is not going well. I fu**ing hate him and love him equally, and our marriage is falling apart. He says he needs a timeline on what it will look like when I finally "get better" and how the AF am I supposed to do that? I lost my freaking mind on July 4th this year after over 10 years of holding it together to the point where he never looked any further. I halfway fooled myself into thinking that there was nothing wrong. Well, the rage is here, the overwhelming sadness, the helplessness, irritability, avoidance, all of it and I can't stuff it back into whatever compartment it was hiding. I feel guilty that I didn't know or see it and that I'm hurting him.

 

[Raven]

My rule of thumb is to avoid dating/marrying civs. Maybe some of the men here can chime in because their wives are civs, but men and women process stress differently.

Demanding a timeline on recovery is f*cked up. Mental health doesn't work that way and backpedaling is a normal part of the recovery process.

Are you happy in your marriage? Now hold your horses before you answer right away. Being invested in the life you're trying to build with him isn't the same as being HAPPY. I learned that the hard way.

 

[CyclePath]

Honestly I think it's probably a normal question. Although seemingly insensitive, he just doesn't know any better. Maybe he is processing this as a broken bone or illness. Could probably get him some literature. Seriously my wife had some strange questions after my diagnosis and we both knew it long before it became official. My $0.02 anyway.
I had good luck with EMDR. It was hard, but worth it. Hopefully you do too.

 

[vikingr24]

Agree with Darth to an extent. I would not necessarily avoid civilians because they are different but because I am different in that I want to get away from things military. Somehow I can't escape the military however. But I think it is a good reason to carry on with a civilian -- the right civilian. And that's the catch.

The mistake I made was getting married as a result of caring more for her than me. For years I denied anything was wrong with me. Until one night I woke up with her crying and yelling my name, right when my arm was cocked and ready to sink my fist into her face. Fortunately she had a pillow up to protect her. I still don't understand my stupidity. I did try to get her to understand what happened to me and she did try. But we slowly drifted apart. I started a spiral down to the netherworld and thought often of leaving everything behind. Bad times. She could not follow it and gave up. Maybe I wanted her to, I do not know.

"Need" and "love" are different. It is better to need you because I love you than love you because I need you. When you find out which is which, and where you are in a relationship, things seem to fall in place.

 

[RTO]

We are light years away from understanding mental illness, and this is just another example.

The Mind: The Final Frontier